DonnaP

That's pretty much it in a nutshell! Thanks for the comments, everyone! DonnaP

Spoiler alert - you can't always save the ones you love. I was WITH my husband when he passed away. We had been together most of the day. He went upstairs to get changed for bed; I followed him up a few minutes later - just a few minutes mind you. And there he was collapsed on the bed. The paramedics came very quickly but there was nothing they could do. He was gone. Don't blame yourself; this was NOT your fault.

So, ... coming up on 10 years since I lost my best friend/husband of 23 years, 11 months. I miss him still, and I miss the life we shared. SO much has changed since he died. 1. I remarried - a wonderful man, a widower, who I through YWBB (the predecessor of this website). 2. I am working full time, versus the free-lance jobs I held before he died. 3. Perhaps the biggest change lately - both of my sons got married in 2019. I've been pondering what my life will be like going forward and I'm sad to think that my sons will be more involved with their wives' families than with ours. That is the way of things, or so I've been told. After Mick died, my two sons and I bonded together. We said we'd always be there for each other, and so far we have. But, as we've moved forward, we have each gone in our own direction. One son lives in NYC with his wife, while the other is still close by. Everyone is working; everyone is busy. I get that. I have been trying to be unobtrusive and let them live their lives. But I don't think they know how much I still need them to be a part my life. Not every day, but certainly more frequently than just a couple times a year. I wonder, is this still leftover from the grief? Would I be feeling this way if Mick were still alive? Just rambling... Thanks for listening.

Yes, my friend, love does blind us sometimes. I'm sorry you are in pain, and I have no words to ease that, except to tell you you are loved! My life is drastically different from the one I lived prior to losing Mick. And it continues to change. We all need to find an equilibrium in which we can be happy, despite the pain of loss. I'm here, if you need to chat! HUGS, DonnaP

@twin_mom - you are lucky. My in laws never accepted my NG, and as a result I saw them less and less. My MIL passed away recently. NG went with me to the funeral and my BIL practically asked him to leave!

Hi @donswife!! 1. I went to work today . 2. Walked around the indoor track at lunchtime. 3. Made a PowerPoint slide (#re-learninganoldskill)

Wow! These are "blood" relatives of yours? I'm sorry, but that in inexcusable! My husband passed away in 2010. About a year later, my sister-in-law stopped having anything to do with me (when she learned I was in a new relationship). Fast-forward to this past year when my MIL passed away. I was not mentioned in the obit. I was not surprised, but I was still offended. It is really sad how "small" some people can be. My advice - as hard as this may be, perhaps write a letter to the inconsiderate relatives. Express your side of the story (which clearly they never heard). At the end of the letter, leave it up to them to get in touch if they wish. Tell them you have no hard feelings and then put it behind you. Forgiveness can be cathartic. Holding onto bad feelings will only end up hurting you more over time. Good luck! DonnaP

I think I replied on Facebook that the second weekend mentioned (September 20-22) was a wedding. I just double checked and I was WRONG. Eeek. Sorry. The wedding is September 28 so either of those weekends could possibly work. We will watch the board to see what gets planned. Thanks, Ted, for offering the condo up for a BAGO. The previous one was so fun!

Hi Helen, I'm in my 9th year now, and was one of the YWBBers from the before time. I still miss my husband, Mick, and think of how my life would be different if he had lived. There are so many "would have," "should have" moments, I can't begin to count them all. But, that being said, I am in a good place too. I was lucky to find love again and am remarried to a wonderful man, another YWBBer. We met on that original board. It was our own personal miracle. We've been married now going on 6 years and I am happy and grateful to have him in my life. Does being in a relationship erase the pain? No. It does not and cannot do that. But, what it does do is gives up hope for the future. I too wish to travel more and perhaps our paths will cross one day. Until then, I wish you happiness, my friend. Here are my "three good things": 1. I am at work this week, but will be on vacation NEXT week :) 2. I get to go home soon and be with a wonderful, loving man 3. I will see my son and his lovely fiance for dinner tonight. Hoping today brings peace to you. DonnaP

Hi Cae, Depending on how far people have to travel, the get-togethers may be for just a few hours, or, as stated by others, they may involved an overnight stay. I personally prefer smaller gatherings, as those provide the best opportunities for visiting! I'm one of the re-married wids. My husband (a widower from this group) loves to cook, so we have been known to go to people's houses and take over their kitchen. haha. I don't check the site as often as I used to, so feel free to private message me if you get a date/place in mind. DonnaP (and MrDrew)

Absolutely! We love an excuse to head to Portsmouth. Or Vermont. Or Maine. Schedules are tricky, and we've missed a couple of recent BAGOs, so definitely will need to get a fix in soon!

My "land mines" are all in April. April 1, Mick died. April 12 is our wedding anniversary. Then there is Easter (he died on Holy Thursday), which is always a reminder. Plus, I married a widower, whose late wife died March 27 and her birthday was April 16. All of those dates hit us in rapid fire succession. Not a fun time of year. It's too bad, since spring used to be my favorite time of year...

HUGS Murphy, I often wish that I had a do-over, or that I could see what our life would be like now if Mick hadn't died. It's been 9 years for me, and I still get sad thinking about the what ifs, or what could have beens. I hope you get to see your sons and grandchildren often! Life is for the living! DonnaP

Sorry to report that MrDrew and I are very iffy at this point. We will be in Cape Cod all of the prior week and now have to drive my sis-in-law to the airport on Saturday so, by the time we got up to Maine, we will have missed a good chunk of the BAGO already. We are bummed, of course, but have not figured out how to be two places at once. I'll post another update if anything changes, but for now, don't count on us for this one. :(

Posting our interest here. Will get in touch closer to the date.

Oh - shoot! We could have done the final weekend in March, but all of April is already taken. So sorry - do what works best for the majority. We still hope to host the group in West Boylston and will pick a date (looking like May now). DonnaP and MrDrew

Hi Kate, I, too have a blended family, but not in the same way as you. When my husband died, I was mother to two college-age boys, aged 19 and 20. They were old enough to both feel the raw emotion of having a beloved parent ripped out of your life and to sense the pain the remaining parent was going through. They were a lifesaver for me. About eight months into my journey, I met a widower (MrDrew) on the former widow site (YWBB) and we helped one another, as we were both at the same timeline (our spouses actually died days apart). MrDrew and I fell in love and decided to get married. He brought two children to our union -- a teenage daughter (who has declared herself to be trans-gender and is now living his life as a male), and a 30-year-old severely handicapped young woman, who has cerebral palsy and diminished brain capacity. She is pretty much full-care and lives in a group home up in Massachusetts. The challenges that go along with a blended family are plentiful. With four children, we often have to divide our attention. [note - post to be continued]

Um, see the line I've bolded... He would have married her. Yeah. That part strikes me as "more than friends" and I would NOT BE OK with him maintaining contact with her. I know in today's social media day-and-age a lot of people try to "stay friends" but I personally do not think that is possible. I believe in the "When Harry Met Sally" adage: Men and women cannot be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way." Also, I'm a stickler for the truth too. That being said - he DID admit he was wrong and he did immediately try to put things right. If your feelings for him are strong, I think there is a good chance you two can put this behind you, with the caveat that you expect full and complete truthfulness from him. My DH had an affair at one point in our marriage (around our 10 years anniversary). He made amends. I forgave him. But it took YEARS to re-build the trust. In the end, we were stronger than ever. It's worth it - if you can work on the issues together. Good luck! Donna

Hey there sweetheart, You have such a capacity to love and I hope with all my heart that you find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. You will always miss John, and Barry. They are a part of you and will always be. I'm glad you have made (and continue to make) progress. I've always felt you are stronger than you think. Sending my biggest (((HUG))) your way today! DonnaP

MrDrew and I are planning to be there too! We are already starting to think about what we can make.

Mr Drew and I are planning on Saturday late afternoon/evening. Still working out what we should bring. What do people feel like doing? Cooking in? Getting take-out? Going out? The swimming pool sounds like a nice option to me if the weather stays nice!

MrDrew and I would be interested in attending too. We'd probably just do Saturday night. It's a long (but do-able) drive from Connecticut and we both have to work Friday, so would most likely drive up first thing Saturday :) We will look into nearby accommodations so as to leave space at the resort for those who need it. I would vote for more social time over seeing a show. Will check back to see how the plans are shaping up.

Hi JeanGenie, This sounds good - just checking to make sure there is no conflict. Can you PM me the address? DonnaP and MrDrew

We LOVED Ireland when we went for our honeymoon in 2013. Looking for a chance to go back someday. I hope your visit went well. HUGS, DonnaP and MrDrew

We've never met, but as two others who connected on the former YWBB, we would like to extend our sincere congratulations and wish you both many, many years of happiness! DonnaP and MrDrew