Seriously is it me?

[Needytoo]

Sometimes I really feel like a dam child learning how to make new friends and sometimes I feel so clueless.  I have become friends with another widow and sometimes she bails on me.  Generally I am very understanding and I give her space.  Start of September I got a full time job and also teaching and OMG I am busy.  Work all day then prep and mark all night, then to top things off I got a nasty cold.  I will admit guess I wasn't the best friend during September but I had a really hard time just getting my work stuff done. 

 

Today my son and I drove to the college and after his classes he was going to take the car home. My friend was going to pick me up and we were going to this workshop together on "The Flow of Happiness".  Just received a text saying she isn't up to it.  Isn't that nice.  She knows I am stuck here without a ride home.  I would never to this to someone.  When I give my word on something I do it. 

 

Is it me?  Is she getting back at me?  All of her former friends have left her and I sure would hate to do that on her but I am certainly not feeling the "Flow of Happiness". 

 

 

[Guaruj]

Today my son and I drove to the college and after his classes he was going to take the car home. My friend was going to pick me up and we were going to this workshop together on "The Flow of Happiness".  Just received a text saying she isn't up to it.  Isn't that nice.  She knows I am stuck here without a ride home.  I would never to this to someone.  When I give my word on something I do it. 

 

I'm sorry you were let down so badly like this. Like you, I don't think there's any excuse for treating someone like that.

 

Is it me?  Is she getting back at me?

 

Without knowing both of you in real life, who can tell? I will say that tolerating this treatment from someone will only encourage them to do it again.

 

All of her former friends have left her and I sure would hate to do that on her but I am certainly not feeling the "Flow of Happiness". 

 

One has to wonder how much she values your friendship if you leaves you stranded the way she did. You don't have to write her off completely as a friend; you could just conclude that this friendship isn't working right now. You deserve to have friends you can rely on. If you make some new ones, maybe she'll wise up.

 

Good luck with your busy job.

 

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[Trying]

Like you, I can be very understanding but we all have that point when we need to feel valued in a friendship.  Maybe she doesn't realize how you feel when she stands you up (or leaves you stranded!).  It's like people who are chronically late and think it's cute or quirky.  They have never been the one sitting awkwardly in the restaurant for a half hour, alone and waiting, so they have no idea how it makes the other person feel. 

 

And, if she's "getting back at you" she is not the kind of friend you want.

 

 

[twistedmensa]

I don't know that I would break off the friendship entirely, but I certainly wouldn't rely on her for a ride again. I am sorry you were stranded like that.

[Needytoo]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Yesterday I have to say I was a bit pissed off.  Now much more calmer.  Guess mediation and being mindful does work!! Gotta love them life perks.

 

Lesson to be learned from all of this is I can't count on her.  I know that sounds really heartless, but all of our journeys  are different. I stared at a wall for close to a year so I have no right to judge her in anyway.

 

I will not be signing her up for any workshops or paying for concerts etc.  if she wants to do these activities she will have to do it on her own again it sounds very heartless but there has been way too many times I have been stuck with the bill.  No more.