new to this site....6 years out but....

[whyme]

Where to start, while being sensitive of those new to grief. I belonged to a widowed too young site, which was unceremoniously, "after pouring my most inner thoughts and feelings to",  shut down. So, my husband of 20 years died, unexpectedly at age 48. We were soul mates, married for 20 years. We adopted our boys, as newborns. Our boys whom, we adopted after years of infertility treatments, surgeries, miscarriages and heartache  were the center of our lives.  When we adopted our boys, as newborns, the feeling my husband and I felt for each other and our boys was utterly overwhelming. We were over the moon! When Steve died, I took a leave of absence from my demanding job, telling my superiors that I was so "shell shocked" that I couldn't form a sentence. After all this and much more, How could our journey towards parenthood, our triumph over infertility prevail? I have been in the depths of grief and despair. I have wailed incessantly, to the point where I have dialed the suicide hotline to hear a human voice who soothed me. So, after 6 years without him, I am now remarried to a wonderful, amazing man I went to high school with. Still, every single day and night, I grieve. I cry in silence so my husband doesn't hear. I convey my thoughts and words not to discourage new beginnings. We must look forward

[Trying]

I'm glad you found us here and I'm sorry for your loss.  New love doesn't erase our grief.  How old are your boys now and how are they doing? 

[whyme]

Thanks for asking. My boys are 17 and 10, hard to believe. They are doing well. The younger boy doesn't remember much of his father. When I got engaged in 2011, my older boy was ecstatic about having a father again. My husband is amazing with the boys......he raised three boys of his own. I just feel that I cannot ever speak of my late husband because I don't think it would be fair to my husband now. I have 20+ years of memories that I can't talk to anyone about.  No reminiscing, or laughing about the old days. That's what hurts the most.

[MauiMermaid]

I have 20+ years of memories that I can't talk to anyone about.  No reminiscing, or laughing about the old days. That's what hurts the most.

 

Hugs to you. Your post really resonated with me and particularly the above words. xoxoxo

[2013widow]

I'm new here too for the most part. 

My husband died 3 and a half years ago.

Life is good but I still miss him, always will.