MauiMermaid

I always get you, MrsDan. But this last paragraph just brought me to tears because you so clearly illustrated what my grief feels like now. [Wiping tears now]. Thank you for sharing this... And ps I'm happy to hear you are doing well. xoxo

Thank you for this. Just thank you. Hugs to you, canadiangirl.

This really resonated... you put in words exactly how I feel. {{{Hugs}}} to you, Eileen.

Hugs, Donswife. 4 years... where has the time gone. Hope you made it through the day ok considering. I so understand the holding on the illusion part. It is still hard for me to grasp that our plans and dreams aren't here anymore.

Hugs to you, Suki xoxo you are not alone.

Hugs, Tybec. xoxo

I totally understand this. I sort of feel like our time together was a dream at this point. Hugs, Trying. Good to see your name pop up. Hope you are doing well. xoxoxo

Totally this. Hugs to you, KrypticKat.

Thank you for sharing, Trying2Breathe. Glad to hear you are doing well. Wishing you continued strength and peace on those "dark days". One step at a time indeed. xoxo, MM

Thanks for sharing, Tybec. Hope you are well... good to see your name pop up. How special to get some much needed reminders on your strength and independence from a place that carries so much history and memories. It must have been an emotional trip in many ways. Glad you were able to share it with your son. Hugs to you, MM

Hi TooSoon, I cannot believe she is starting Middle School! That really illustrates the years that have passed. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for the kind words... sending you the same. xoxo MM

Hello everyone... always comforting to see the familiar names pop up from the YWBB days. I hope you are all doing well in your journeys. Where has the time gone? These forums were a true lifeline and I'm so grateful to have found you all so many years ago... It's almost 6 years since my DH passed away suddenly and I still struggle with feeling some days like I'm at 6 months in this. The disbelief still manages to hit me hard (albeit not as frequently). The tears still manage to flood my eyes at the thought of him being gone (though not every day, still often enough). The intense pain that pierces my heart still manages to do its thing (sometimes the volume is at 1 and other times it's at 10). Yes, there has been growth and happy moments over the last 5 years. Yes, a new person has entered my life and shown me unexpected hope for love and companionship in chapter 2. Yes, I've managed to make strides in my career. Yes, I've embraced spiritual growth and mindfulness while I navigate the loss. But behind all the positive steps "forward", that intense empty still lingers. That void still remains. At the bottom of it all, I just miss him. I just miss him so very much. As much as I try to stay in the present, I can't help to miss my "old" life. OUR life... together. I try to be kind to myself and acknowledge where I've grown but sometimes I just feel like it's all a facade. Like I'm living some fake alternate-reality version of my life and self. I just feel so lost and directionless at times. This 5th full year without him has just been so taxing and difficult for some reason. Almost like I've fallen back to the early days at times. I guess that's just how the journey goes... up, down, sideways and back again. But simply, I just miss him and I guess no amount of time really changes that. I'm grateful for the good things in my life now but the missing him part is just always there front row center. Thanks for listening. And again, hope all of you are doing well and thriving in new ways and new chapters. Big hugs to you all.

Oh, TooSoon... that pierced my heart. I'm so sorry you had to read that from your students. As much as you can write it off as a lack of life experience, seeing those words in print must have been so very painful. Big (((hugs))) to you. There have been an abundance of posts about this on LinkedIn lately. I'm glad to see more awareness and open conversation about the impact of grief in losing a partner or spouse. Anything that will help foster more empathy going forward is such a good thing. As Maureen mentioned, so often bereavement policies seem to apply more to the passing of a relative (which is still really tough but, as we know, isn't in the same ballpark).

THIS. So this. I know it must be difficult for NG to hear when I talk through memories or sadness. But the truth is my DH is forever part of who I am. I found the blog post a little callous.

Big hugs to you. I understand. "We were blissfully ignorant of what was to come and didn't know we should be celebrating with more intention." SO understand that. xoxoxo

^^ This! You have continued to be such a positive light to so many of us here. Sending you some hugs. You have accomplished so much in the last 3 years... kudos to you! Is it possible to take a weekend trip just to clear your mind? Sometimes I find just getting out of dodge for even just a day or two does wonders. HUGS! You'll get through this.

The link below was a favorite of ours before he passed away. The lyrics touch my heart all the more now that he isn't here anymore... tough to fight the tears on this one. Band of Horses "No one's gonna love you more than I do" "We are the ever-living ghost of what once was..."

Sorry to hear you had an especially tough day. The feelings just seem to really sucker punch us some times. Big hugs to you. We understand. xoxoxo

Beautiful words, Bunny. Thanks for sharing Euf's post, too. I understand every word... so much so that I have tears streaming down my cheeks. It all just seems so unimaginable doesn't it? Like you said, no rhyme or reason. Big hugs to you today. We understand. xoxoxo

Thank you all for the kind words, support and understanding. I really appreciate it. NG took me out to dinner and has been especially kind and supportive today. He actually wanted to "celebrate" and go out for a nice sushi dinner rather than see me stay at home upset. This whole situation is just the strangest thing ever. DH was here four years ago, celebrating our 15th anniversary, and now I have a boyfriend consoling me and taking me out for sushi as a remembrance. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Thanks again for all of your support. (((Hugs))) xoxo

Today would be 19 years. It's my 4th without him here. This is just all so surreal... I still feel like this can't be real? How can he really be gone... forever? I don't know if I'll ever be able to wrap my head (or heart) around that. I reluctantly decided to work today and I just can't focus. Tears keep filling my eyes and I'm just missing him so very much. I feel like as each year goes by my "old" life feels more like a dream now. My memories of our life together feel less and less tangible. It's just so hard to describe this feeling to anyone. It's like I'm living someone else's life? It's all so unsettling. Happy Anniversary, my love. I'm grateful I could share 15 anniversaries with you by my side. Miss you so very much. "Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)"

Big hugs, still_lost. I understand the struggle and I certainly understand the "tired". I really like the quote kjs1989 added. So true. Hang in there, we understand. xoxo

Thanks for posting, Blue green. Big (((hugs))) to you... sorry you have to go through this. You and the others explained it so well. It's just surreal, like we're living in a different universe or something. Like you, my husband died suddenly. Here and healthy and then poof... gone. It's indeed a very strange feeling and hard to describe... too visceral to put in words. I'm going on 4 years and I can't figure out which is more difficult to believe... that he lived or that he died. Sometimes I feel like I just dreamed up my "old" life. Still can't seem to fathom that I'll never touch him, kiss him, hear his voice, laugh with him, see him get old. Big hugs to you and thanks for posting. xoxo

(((Hugs)))