turning 50 and terrified

[donswife]

ok so this time next week I am turning 50

should just be another day or even just another birthday

but this one is magnifying everything that I am missing and everything I will never have

I am usually a person who can figure out what I need to do to get through these awful days

but this one has me frozen

MyDon would have made such a big deal about the "big day" but I just want it to disappear

its when the next part of your life should be beginning

Don is supposed to be here ,getting old together and now I'm getting old alone

I thought this was the best place to tell my feelings and would have fellow wids who understood

plain and simple this just sucks

 

 

 

[SoVerySad]

Sending you tight hugs. I turned 50 this year as well. If T were still here, I wouldn't have cared from an aging standpoint. Aging isn't bad when you're aging along with someone you love. I was 47 when T died and while I didn't want to imagine building a new life without him. being in my 40's, it still seemed possible. Hitting that 50 number made me feel like it is much harder to rebuild your life once you are 50. I felt scared as well.

 

Now 6 months later, I've adjusted to the idea of being this age. But I truly do sympathize with your feelings about turning 50 as I had a very hard time with it as well.

 

More hugs...

[SimiRed]

{{Hugs}}

 

Like what SVS said, "Aging isn't bad when you're aging with someone you love".  That's what makes it much more difficult, I have a birthday coming soon too, and it just seems time is going by and I'll never have that special someone again.  I think it's something that I have to be okay with, maybe then, it'll be okay to not focus on the age thing.

 

"Big virtual Hugs!"

[mizjsea]

I am sorry and also sending hugs. These milestones are so tough. Feeling your pain. I had my son's 21st which made me think about Jeff non stop -  he should be here . This kind of grief encompasses so much more than sadness, and feeling terrified is right up there. I know we all share that, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel I have been so living to get through the day and the week, that to some degree I haven't felt the full impact of my big wide black hole of a future, but it is starting to loom more clearly. I do tell myself, I've gotten through one 18 month period, I can get through the next 18 months, and then the next. Stack enough of those together, and I (we all) will get through the future.

[JeanGenie]

{{Hugs}}  I'm sorry.  You're right, this just sucks but you will get through it...one day at a time.  Try to find something to do to treat yourself on your birthday.  Maybe something Don would have done for you to make your day special.  I've learned I can't look too far in advance.  I get it...thinking (if I'm lucky?) I might live the next 30 years is overwhelming.  So just appreciate your birthday, treat yourself well and try not to think too much about the future.  I agree, it's daunting.

[Guest TooSoon]

I just wanted to say how much I understand this and also happy birthday.  Many times I have tried to console myself - whether it was birthdays, anniversaries or other milestones - by saying that it is just a day like any other day but they do have significance, don't they,  if only as markers of time.  I hope you can do something really, really nice for yourself for your birthday. 

[donswife]

thank you all

I did end up having a good day

I went to my grief counselor in the afternoon then had margaritas with my best friend, sister and niece

I wanted to keep it small in case the day was tough

but once again it was the idea of the day coming that was tougher then the day

coming here and talking through it helped immensely 

 

[RobFTC]

I'm sorry for the turbulence, I have been there.  My 50th was awful - seven months out from losing Michelle, and surrounded by my kids and in-laws that almost couldn't be arsed to even acknowledge my birthday.  If it weren't for Facebook wishes, I'd have thought I was in a cave.  Michelle would have made a fuss, made the girls do something for me, and carried everyone else along.  It was a very lonely time.  I hit 55 this year, and I'm not really sure it will be better without intervention except that I am used to it.  I probably need to throw myself a party.

 

Take care,

Rob T