mizjsea

Looks like I too will not be able to make it next weekend. But Love2fish thank you so much for the invite.

I am still unsure if I can make this but would like to. Maureen - good luck with your move!

Maureen- I am sorry and wish I could attend. Its the day of my daughter's college dance recital. Yes thanks for doing it; these gatherings are nice. Sorry I can't attend.

Yes!!! Thank you everyone! Such a nice gathering! Penny

Donswife Nancy and I will be getting up there late afternoon. Looking forward to seeing and/or meeting everyone. We will BYOB and munchies. Penny

I am jumping in late but I also would like to come. Won't need a place to stay, and coming for Saturday and Saturday night. Yes, thanks for initiating! Penny

Jean - I will be there. Thanks for doing this. Looking forward to maybe meeting some new people and re-connecting with those I have met before.

Amen people. Thank you for validating my life. I am doing OK otherwise but ALL I want to do is sleep or at least rest. Not much is making me happier than being on my couch when I can. I kind of worry about it but I guess its normal. 2+ years out. I guess just plain old day to day living takes more of a toll and more energy than we even realize.

I am sorry I will not be able to make it. Daughter is a senior and in the thick of college tours. Have a great time.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only say that I did find comfort from reading everyone's stories here and knowing I wasn't the only one going through it. And as is said here so often, be kind to yourself. If you have to wallow, wallow. I wish you strength.

JBurton - I am so so sorry. I hope you this site helps you. I am older with 2 older kids but I too lost my husband to metastatic cancer. He died 6 months after 1st symptom. It is so hard to live with the sheer terror and unbearable knowledge that you will lose someone. I can relate to so much of your post. As you said you just have to bury the worry and just forge ahead, because there is life to be lived. That was such a hard thing for me to reconcile, the whole world just keeps going although mine had imploded. You sound like you are doing a great job doing what you have to do. Everyone here gets it. I wish you strength.

Dianne34 - I too am so so sorry for your loss. It is a crushing reality and it sucks so much. The early days are so raw and traumatic. We all understand here no matter our circumstances. Its like a subculture of the world that has been faced with one of life's dirty little secrets and at least here we can connect. I have not posted a whole lot but I read almost every day and it has helped feeling like I am not the only one. Be kind to yourself and try to just get by taking baby steps but I know with young children that is very hard to do. Take care.

At almost 2 years out, I am constantly thinking of all the different ways "grief" feels and is defined. I finally was able to articulate another description: Grief is a feeling that you desperately want to climb out of your skin that never really goes away. I used to just think of grief as just sadness, but at least with grief over a spouse (and I suspect the same for a child) it is a hundred other feelings.

Thank you for this description at 5 years out. It is hopeful sounding. I don't have high hopes of finding love again or even being overly happy - just being more consistently OK feels like a more practical goal for me. At 2 years out I really struggle some days (like today when I feel so "OFF") and other days feel do feel OK. I wonder what I/my life will feel like in a few years.

Oh JG - I so get this too. Especially your words "the appearance of a happy home" and "keeping the outward signs together." I think of this every time I turn into my driveway. And yes as DW said, we can only wish we could hear them say it, how proud they are of how we have stayed afloat, or even far exceeded that at times. We can only hear them say it in our minds and hearts, which frankly isn't all that satisfying most days. And I don't think any of us should ever apologize for having pity parties (or at least not to other wids). Its our right; we deserve it. And it probably helps us "heal" even though the definition of heal seems to have changed for me since becoming a wid - I think for now it maybe just means: to fell less raw. Home repairs and pity parties - just stepping stones along this path we were forced to go down. Hugs to all.

I am sorry, I am going to have to bail out of this bago. I am bummed, but I will be going north for the weekend. Sorry to miss it. Hope to see everyone another time.

I am hoping to make this one too. THANKS!!

JeanGenie - I am going to try to make it on Saturday, just not 100% sure right now. Will try!

I am so so sorry for your loss. I too kept going by thinking "what would make DH proud?" I still do that (20 months out). With kids as young as yours you have no choice but to just keep going every day for them. You can do it. We all are doing it in one way or another. Reading everyone else's thoughts and experiences has helped me immensely.

I get insanely jealous when I hear of someone who has stage 1 cancer (instead of stage 4) or someone who goes into remission. I have to learn to let that go.

Every new widow story breaks my heart. I am so very sorry. Everyone has offered good advice. Just get through hour by hour doing only what you have to do that very hour - nothing else, until you gain a little more strength. I know it all feels unreal, and it is.

I am so very sorry. Sending hugs and strength.

Great. I would love to join you. Count me in. Something to look forward while muddling through a funk. Thanks!

I am sorry and also sending hugs. These milestones are so tough. Feeling your pain. I had my son's 21st which made me think about Jeff non stop - he should be here . This kind of grief encompasses so much more than sadness, and feeling terrified is right up there. I know we all share that, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel I have been so living to get through the day and the week, that to some degree I haven't felt the full impact of my big wide black hole of a future, but it is starting to loom more clearly. I do tell myself, I've gotten through one 18 month period, I can get through the next 18 months, and then the next. Stack enough of those together, and I (we all) will get through the future.

She can try cancercompass.com. I was mostly too afraid to read when my husband was diagnosed but this is a large active site. I hope she can find support.