still standing or standing still

[donswife]

the other day I ran into a friend and he asked how I was doing

my usual response is "still standing" but this time I said "standing still"

he is a good friend so he didn't correct me and said ... that makes sense 

widow brain at work but really this described where I am at this point

I am upright but no movement forward

so what does one do to try and move forward ?

 

 

[Trying]

This time last year I was standing still, barely treading water and feeling like nothing was ever going to change. Then I made one decision and then another and another and suddenly I was changing some major things in my life.  Once I made that first decision it became easier to make others and I started to be able to see a future.  I feel more in control now and even though I would never have chosen to be in this situation, to have to create a life without my DH, I'm working with the cards Ive been dealt.

 

I can't tell you why I was ready suddenly to move forward and I won't lie to you and say it's been easy or that I've crossed some finish line. I'm a work in progress.  Some days I still take 2 steps  backward but over all I can definitely see forward momentum.  When you are ready, you will too.

[sojourner]

Yeah, boy... For me, to go forward I know I need to move. Thing is, am trying to move from a slow housing market to one that's disadvantageously hot.

 

It feels like I'm just spinning my wheels as I wait for the right buyer for my current place. It was the dream home that LH and I had built. Leaving will be excruciating. But so is staying. I love it, but know I really must leave it. It was "us," but now it's not  the place for this new, emerging "me." And the longer it drags out, the more stuck I feel. There's a potential buyer at the moment... good news, yet churning up so much stuff to process. For me, I know what I need to do. But that doesn't make it easy!!!

 

None of this is easy, as we try to figure out what our new, emerging recreations of ourselves need in order to go forward. I think my next chapter is still a transitional one... A place to land for several reasons, and is just the next chapter, but not the last.

 

Hopes for direction and guidance for you as to how to go forward!

 

 

 

[lcoxwell]

One of my Kenneth's favorite quote's used to be "Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but only we can choose who we become." Of course, we all know that life is not so easy as just making a decision to be happier or to move forward. There are some things we have control over and some things that we can do to make life somewhat better, but we all know that we don't magically get over the loss of our spouses.

 

Many of you know that I am the forever optimist of the bunch. I promised Kenneth I would do my very best to not spend my life in mourning, but would try, to the best of my ability to build a good life for myself, after he was gone. Once he died, I refused to let him down by not following through on my promise. I made very active choices to get out of my house, to connect with people, to try and find small things that brought even minimal amounts of pleasure. Then I started making bigger choices, followed by major life changes. It didn't happen over night, and there was a lot of pain, stress, and feeling as though I was standing still and stuck in limbo along the way.

 

I am now at a point, where I am definitely beyond active grieving, but I still feel days, in which I am sucked back in and miss him deeply. There are still days in which the pain is gut wrenching and I cannot believe I could still possibly hurt this much. But, I have learned that those days will pass. I have learned that I can still pick myself up and find joy in the midst of the storm. I have learned that the pain isn't as intense as it was at one time. I have also learned that I there are reasons to get out of bed in the morning and to smile again. And so, I carry on.