Interviewing Advice

[bumbleb]

Hi All.

So, I need some interviewing advice/opinions from my fellow widdas.

I have had a few face to face interviews and I'm doing well when the interview sticks to my technical skills/knowledge and I'm passing the HR background/drug tests, good things.

But I'm flubbing when HR starts delving deeply into my background, I really dont have anything to hide- except that I'm a widow- and I dont want to explain that during an interview where I may/may not get the job.

For example, my last face to face interview, the HR person really asked some questions that, just didnt feel right, I was uncomfortable in answering them. I understand (and I've done a little bit of digging on hr boundaries) that they have a right to protect the company, and I dont wanna appear shady, but I need to figure out how to deflect these questions.

I would appreciate any tips.

Thanks!

[serpico]

It's hard to answer without knowing all of the details about what they're inquiring about and what you don't want them to know.  However, if you're attempting to 'deflect' it's probably likely they can tell that, and I don't think that would come off very well.  Obviously if the questions are legally out of bounds you don't have to answer them - and may not want to work at such a company anyway - but if they 'just' make you uncomfortable you're probably going to want to work on becoming comfortable with them, because it's probably part of the normal vetting process.

[Guest TooSoon]

I agree with serpico; I do a lot of hiring and it has become easy to tell when someone isn't giving me a full and complete answer.

 

That being said, I work for the state and there are definitely questions that are out of bounds: namely, pretty much everything personal-- orientation, child status, relationship status, geography etc. 

 

With THAT being said, though I am still in my job, I have had to "put myself out there" on occasion and have found that it is often easier, I'm speaking only for myself, just to say that I am widowed so that it never seems like I am concealing something.  Not saying that you need to tell them or should or that you appear to be concealing anything, but in my experience simply owning it when it simplifies the narrative has made things easier, not harder.  Many times it is not relevant but sometimes it is. 

 

Just my thoughts.  Good luck with the job!!!!!!!!!

[bumbleb]

Thank you serpico and toosoon. Part of my uncomfortable feeling in deflecting is that I am a very honest, straight-forward person. I don't like having to skirt the widow issue when I'm interviewing, so I will work on a narrative when dealing with HR the next time.

I really appreciate the advice.