serpico

I don’t understand the problem with him asking. If you inadvertently took some of his movies, shouldn’t he be able to get them back?

I’m laughing very hard right now. This should be your signature. 😂

Yes, I believe it would be wrong. If you’re not going to include the daughter you may as well leave him out of your plans as well. You would be putting him in an impossible position.

Does the kids’ mother know that he died?

I’m an idiot banker chiming in. I can imagine myself saying ‘tough, huh’ to a client who told me their spouse has been gone for three years. I can even imagine screwing up my face a little to give a look that says ‘I can’t imagine going through that’. That look may even look like a grin and cause someone to be offended by it, I guess. I think it’s worth cutting the guy some slack.

True, and everyone’s definition of ‘respectful and loving’ will be different.

Thanks for the responses so far. Just to be clear, this isn’t a CPS sort of thing. Stuff that needs addressed, for sure, but nothing sexual or criminal.

I feel like I addressed this in a previous post but I can’t seem to find it. Has anyone - family member, friend, etc - ever called you out on your post-loss parenting? I assume the answer will often be ‘yes’ but I’m more interested in how you took it. Did you get mad, brush it off, discontinue contact, take stock and make changes or ignore it? Or any or all of the above? Please, I’m not looking for sympathy as I’m not getting called out, but someone else is, and quite frankly, it’s deserved, and I’m considering adding my two cents but I’m not sure how much good it’ll do. Hopefully a good thread will ensue from these questions, as I’d like as much input as possible.

I agree completely. When I started seriously dating my current wife, I had a wedding picture of me and my previous wife in my living room. It made her uncomfortable and before long I took it down. Everyone's tolerance for such things will vary, of course, but I felt it was the right thing to do.

Maybe I'm taking this article too literally, but I wasn't crazy about this section: Perhaps it's the notion that those who have been through loss CANNOT POSSIBLY BEAR to be involved with someone who isn't an angel, but this just strikes me as some overly protective advice.

This board certainly isn't as user-friendly as the last one. I've tried to edit/delete a couple old posts but found that I wasn't able to.

powbesh, I mean this gently, but have you sought professional help? Some of your symptoms sound alarming and I think it would make sense to talk to someone, even if it would be on an emergency basis. I wish you the best of luck.

I don't think I would say anything about these comments - at least I know I didn't. Think about it - you are amongst a group of friends, and what do friends often do? Complain about their spouses, of course. I know men do it, and I imagine women do it as well. It's a common thing. I do understand it hurts, but they aren't singling you out or trying to hurt you on purpose. I feel like you could alienate people by telling them what they can and cannot say around you. I remember about two weeks after my wife died I was talking with some people and one of them was describing a funeral viewing he had just been to. Part of the way through it he looks up at me and says 'Oh my God, I'm sorry'. I was like dude, I'm still the same person and I don't want to be treated differently - just talk around me like you normally do.

I'm really glad to hear that your daughter has come around. It's not easy to make decisions that our children don't agree with but you're right - YOU are the one in charge of the house and as the adult, YOU get the make the decisions and deal with the consequences. Thanks for the update!

I wonder how much of this thread is 'just' venting (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol). Portside's post brings this to mind because all we mostly see here is one side. So yeah, a lot of the significant others don't look so great here and from the outside it seems like many are acting like louts. But the post immediately above this one shows that both sides can contribute to relationship problems. Not to pick on ya, trying3breathe, but it was refreshing to see you admit you are excluding him as well. Maybe others on this thread are culpable but it's rare for us (as humans) to admit our own mistakes, so as a result the NGs (not a fan of that term) look like crap and then everyone joins in. Not sure what my point is here, but I often wonder how many complaints could have been made about first marriages while they were going on compared to the post-widow relationships we read about here. It seems that many hold their marriages as the gold standard that nothing else can measure up to, but maybe that's just the way I'm reading them. Or maybe it IS just venting...