Anger..six years later

[still_lost]

I can honestly say that I never had any real anger toward my husband after he passed. I think I remained in the numb stage a lot longer than most. I just realized the other day that I resent my husband for all of the things that he left me to take care of. I got married for love obviously, but to also have someone to be by my side and to help me raise our child. I guess it's true that grief has no timetable or order of stages. I was once able to look at his pictures and feel all of his love. Now I just feel the heartache, and see the mounting debt, and all I can do is feel cheated and angry.

[Trying]

There is no timetable for feeling the impact of loss on our lives.  Sending you tight hugs and understanding as you face the day to day difficult challanges of doing it all alone.

[iloveyoualways]

Hi still_lost, I understand how you feel. I wrote on your other post. Yes, the anger. I went through many, many cycles of it. I may have made some peace when I watched the K2 movie. Those men did not go there to die that day. It was a tragedy. I could relate. I somewhat forgave him.

 

But lately I feel the struggle and it's been going on for over five years. Nobody would believe how defeated I feel this far out. How basic survival feels like life without much support. People say that money doesn't buy happiness but it sure buys some childcare, a much needed break from work, or a vacation to re-energize.

 

So, yes, have been feeling angry again. Angry at him for taking it all away. But those feelings are never spoken  Because being angry at someone who lost their life and chance to be a father and husband is irrational. It's like saying the earth is not the centre of the universe when it was believed by all to be.

 

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice. But I empathize with you.

[Guest k3songs]

It's going on 6 years for me also and this is the first the anger has hit.  It's been bad and I just don't get it.  He didn't want to die.  He didn't want to leave.  I miss his presence in my life. 

[SoVerySad]

I'm not as far out as you yet (just over 3 yrs), but I'm guessing that the build up of exhaustion, worry, and stress that has been added onto you year after year may be factoring in. You're beyond tired of doing it all for so long now and if your husband were still here, you wouldn't have to. I think the anger is a natural reaction to being exhausted and on overload, without the soft place to land even for a brief while you once had.

 

Sending you tight hugs and support...