His House

[AubreeAnn]

Long story short. My love and I weren't moved in with one another yet. He had his own house and a lot of my stuff resides over there. I spent 4 days a week with him at his house and 3 days at my parents house. Living out of bags pretty much because I was always back and forth. Now, with his house in his dad's possession, his dad said "I don't know if I can live there, it'd be too hard. If I don't live there then I want you to have it". He would give me his house. As of now, when I go in the house I feel weak and I break down everytime. It's hard to go in a place that we shared so much love and him not being there with me. Due to the legal system, the house would be "legally" in his dad's hand in about a year. So I have a year I guess to decide. Im a planner and over thinker so as you can imagine I've been going through this so much in my head. I'm 50/50 on my decision. I'm 23 and the responsibility of a home doesn't scare me. Tyler knew I took on challenges. I know in the end it's all my choice, but I would really like opinions/stories/thoughts from you all. It would mean a lot. I've been praying and asking for guidance a lot from God and from my Tyler.

 

P.S. I read somewhere to get a coin that once belonged to your loved one and when you want help with a question or something, you assign the sides of the coin and then you flip it. It's like your loved one is helping you make the decision. I did that and flipped the coin 3 times (to be extra sure) and the coin landed on "yes move in". I had asked my Tyler what he wanted me to do before I flipped it and I got the same answer each time. Some might think it's chance or doesn't make sense that I do that, but what does make sense in a time like this?

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, AubreeAnn,

 

Fortunately, you don't seem to have to make this decision right now.  You are facing grief and trying to just put one foot in front of the other.  If I were in your shoes...and with the wisdom that comes from living 30 years more than you have and having been widowed twice...I'd slow down with making plans and take advantage of time to make a decision.  You don't know what you will be feeling in another year.

 

I've found that it has been hard for me to re-start my life while staying in the places where I lived with my husbands.  I've spent the last 2 1/2 years getting more education to start a new career, but in another 6 months or so, I'm most likely going to make a big move again.  I cant live my own life in the shadow of my late husband.

 

Hang in there and resist the pressures of others to make decisions.  You can certainly let his dad know that you appreciate the offer and the opportunity to take several months to determine what you want to do.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Guest jonesandjenn19781979]

I can barely stand being in the house that I shared with Clint. If I could be rid of it I would be. It's just too painful to be in. This is just the way I feel though. The decision you have is one that only you can make and I think, given what you have written, you know what you want. I don't mean that in any ugly way either. It holds something special for you. Even though it hurts so bad to be in my house, (Clint and I had a similar situation. He stayed at my house during the week and we stayed at his house w/his roommates on the weekends), I cling to it in a sense. There are so many memories attached to the house.