He changed the course of my life...

[still_lost]

After six years, I just realized this today. My husband really did change the course of my life. On good days, I feel grateful to have met him, on days like today when the bills are piling up, and I'm beyond exhausted with no help, I almost wish we didn't meet. I know it sounds horrible, but that is how I feel today. Why get married and have a child with a man, for him to die and leave you to handle everything? I am now in a horrible financial situation, but I am trying my very best. I go to a job that I don't have any real passion for because I have to. I regret my career choice, and wish that I had a work from home position. Why are they so hard to find? I don't want to have to interact with people all that much. I'm just doing my best for the next 10 years until my child is an adult. What happens after that, I'm not sure. Life cannot be this hard all of the time. When do I get a break????

[donswife]

I am so sorry its hard , not only the day to day things but having to look at the big picture ahead

having to try and figure out how to pay the bills is exhausting

losing your husbands income that you never ,ever believed would happened in your plans

I hope it gets a little easier and I wish I had a way for you to get a break

take care 

[JeanGenie]

Still Lost, I'm sorry you're struggling so and there is no need to apologize for how your feel. As we all know, we feel how we feel and it can change every day or every moment. I unfortunately have no great words of advise. On top of our grief, you having to deal with financial burdens, is not only difficult but also seems unfair. All I can say is just take it one moment and one day at a time. Find that one silver lining or that one little thing that helps create the "good" days and try to make that your priority so that your good days will hopefully begin to outnumber your not-so-good days. Hang in there....you've survived the past 6 years. But try not to think about the next 10 years...that is too daunting for all of us.  One day at a time...

 

{{Hugs}}

[lovelorne]

> One day at a time...

 

Keep your eyes on the prize.  <3

[canadiangirl]

Still_lost, solidarity.  Like JeanGenie said, no need to apologize for how you feel. Things are a grind right now and I do not have the same financial pressures as you do.  If you are like me, you are exhausted and have little time, energy or motivation. I don't know why it is so hard to find work from home employment, but addressing that I did want to share with you ways that I hope to diversify/supplement my day job income on the computer once my child is older or I have more energy.  Here are some options I came up with a while ago, not sure if they still exist or jive with your skillset:  Amazon Mechanical Tank-human intelligence tasks- HITS- test sites, take surveys etc; Conduit-create custom toolbars that when someone downloads, you get paid; Content sites- get paid for quality control e.g. Ehow, Brighthub, Constant-Content; MicroWorkers -tiny tasks e.g. sign up sites, dig articles, link sites; Fiverr- marketplace for $5 odd jobs; ChaCha- human powered search engine. I am trying to set up Etsy and eBay side businesses to generate some grocery/camp funds. I hope this is of interest to you.

 

I don't know when you will get a break.  But I hope you will get one, to get a chance to rest/catch your breath. All the best.

[Guest Lost35]

I've had this same thought, and the same thoughts after...I don't know if it means anything to be understood through the difficult bits, but I do know what you mean, if that means anything.  I hope it does.  And I hope you find a way to succeed. 

 

-L.