Counseling

[SoVerySad]

Just after the 3 year anniversary of my husband's death, I finally started counseling for myself. I have been through several really difficult experiences since his death, so they have all been piling up on top of my grief. The counseling is helping me to realize they required so much of my energy and focus, I really haven't had the chance to deal with losing my T. I had no idea how this experience would be, but I must share that for me it has really been helpful. I got very lucky to be matched with an amazing counselor who is such a good fit for me. I have very little support (other than a few dear friends I've made from here, but who unfortunately are not nearby). My counselor truly makes me feel like she's going to help me get myself back on my feet again. When my hope dwindles, she manages to reignite it for me. For anyone who may be considering it, I will just say that I am happy I took the chance of trying it. I have a lot of work to do ahead of me, but I don't feel like I'm all alone doing it now.

[BrokenHeart2]

So happy to hear SVS that you have connected with a counsellor for support!  I'm thinking about going back to mine after a year. Just no one to talk to about this shit!  What the hell?

Hugs to you!

 

[LTSLforever]

SVS - You brought up many issues I have been thinking about. I am very happy you have found the support that you need.  I have been in counseling for a long time - on and off - currently on.  Steve even went with me a few times.  Steve's space on the therapist's couch is empty.  I need Steve, and the reality is that my needs don't matter and my needs will never be fulfilled.  Sorry if this is negative.  I don't think I ever had the opportunity to really deal with losing Steve (although I have felt horrible pain and emptiness) because my mom was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after Steve died.  Her disease (along with falling so many times) has put me on another rollercoaster that is destroying me. I, too, feel like I have very little support.  I definitely have trouble asking for help and reaching out to others for assistance. I have always been a loner.  When Steve and I were together, it was mainly the two of us fighting for his life.  Even though Steve was so sick, he made me feel safe and loved. When my mom was well, I was blessed with her never ending love and support.  But everything is different now.  I lost my greatest love and  I may lose my mom soon. I have siblings but there is strain in those relationships.  My mom has amazing friends and I know they would be there for me. However, I need to develop my own support system and I suck at it.  Sorry if I wrote to much on your thread.

[SoVerySad]

LTSLforever, you definitely didn't write too much on my thread. I think the threads are meant to engage discussion and people sharing they have similar struggles is powerful in helping realize our thoughts and feelings are normal in this completely unknown new world we get thrust into. Yes, I would think that it is likely you have had to put your grieving somewhat on hold to deal with your mom's illness. One can truly only take on so much at one time. I'm sorry you are dealing with the stress and sadness related to your mom on top of the loss of your Steve. It is so exhausting to deal with crises situations while already grieving.

 

I had been putting my own needs on the back burner for a lot of years prior to my husband's death due to caring for my grandparents (who were actually my parents from infancy) until they both died, then health issues with both my son and husband. It was what I needed to do at the time, just a lot of tough things one after the next. It has been challenging for me to even think about my own needs and wants as I haven't done it for so long. But your needs do matter, honey, even if they have to be put on hold for a while. Don't think they don't matter. I did that for far too long and it has taken a tremendous toll on my health.

 

I'm sorry it is all so hard for you right now. Sending you tight hugs...

[Needytoo]

Good for you.  I am giving counselling a try again as well.  Mine all started with on-line therapy to a therapist who I found out wasn't registered so I couldn't claim it on my benefits and she did something our last visit that just didn't sit fine with me.  Next week I have an appointment with a new one, keeping my fingers crossed we connect. 

[donswife]

great thread , it reminds me to call my therapist

I do believe ,that, like you I have put my grieving for don on hold

Mom was sick and passed away this year so I was in survival mode

and have felt the grief of don come front and center now...so time to make that call

she is a great therapist and gives me concrete things to do

sometimes I just go an ball my eyes out

Glad to hear you have found a nice fit for you