Treading water in the emotional pool

[66etype]

I'm 4.5 years out from his death and today he was diagnosed 5 years ago... much stayed same in my life until the past 5 months. I found a lover 5 months ago, was terminated from my job of 25 years 2 months ago, sold my house in ONE day. I'm going to move to a new part of the region, having elective surgery, going on vacation with lover and then looking for a job. I know I should be feeling so much emotional turmoil yet I feel really neutral on many things. I think I'm just not feeling the depth of all the changes and I'm not sure when it's going to pop out and consume me.

Has anyone else experienced this odd floaty feeling? Not sure what to do with it..

 

Thanks, Tracy

[Guest oneoftwo]

Yes, I feel that way often

I have not had as many changes as you, I actively tried to maintain the status quo.

But the detached feeling persists. 

 

Maybe the changes will never consume you- maybe you are just accepting them?

I hope it all goes well

[swilson]

Wow, you have a lot going on. I often get the feeling of not being involved in the here and now, kind of like being an observer rather than a participant. Not all bad, just different  :-\

[MrsDan]

I'm not sure if this is exactly what you're describing, but last year when I accepted new job in a different state, I felt at a certain point like it was all out my hands. Like I set the ball in motion  and everything then just sort of happened. I know that's not possible. I know I rented out my house, packed everything up, found a new place, got acclimated to a new job. And I had a few freakout moments. But it feels like I was very much removed from it. I remember my mom telling everyone the day I moved how brave it was, what I was doing, and I thought really? This is just... happening. And it just so completely paled in comparison to facing life without my husband. I think I was so emotionally tapped out. Like I reached a threshold where I couldn't handle anymore and had to detach, even if it wasn't willful.

[tybec]

Yes, I have that floaty feeling.  I keep thinking it is just so surreal.  We are at the same time frame, almost.  I remember you from the old board. Jan. Will be 5 yrs.  I left my job of 19 yrs. also.  I started dating NG 7 months ago.  I started talking to my son last yr about moving far away.  Then I met NG.  But it is long distance, separate worlds but great time together when we do get together.  He is younger with two younger kids.  We started getting together with our kids.  How did I have this life for 28 yrs. and it ended suddenly? I can't believe my life is this. Feels unreal so often.  I get it.