What I just realized...

[still_lost]

It has been seven years since my husband died, and I've only had one relationship for two years that ended a year ago. I tried to put myself out there again, and I went out to dinner with a couple of guys on separate occasions, nothing serious at all. I always got the impression that the guys weren't serious about wanting a long term relationship, so nothing ever came of it. I met a guy three months ago, and we have gone out several times. He's kind and considerate, but he wants to move a bit faster than I am willing to go. We have kissed and cuddled, but we haven't gone all the way. I suspect that the physical is all that he's interested in, so I had to let him go. What I realized is that I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone. He is not the first man to tell me that I'm very guarded with my feelings, and it seems that I don't want to let anyone in. I realize now that this is true. No one is going to be my husband, or treat and love me the way that he did. I am finding it very difficult to relax and open up to other men. Part of me wants to move forward and make a life with someone new, but there is the other part of me that is still so in love with my husband that it's hard for me to love someone else. So, I've decided that I'm not going to try anymore. It gets very lonely at times, but if this is what the plan was for my life, I have to make the best of it.

[klim]

Always flexing..always flowing....changes of mind are allowed. For now alone is fine ...the future may have you desiring something else.

 

At least this is what happens with me.

 

 

[still_lost]

I hear what you are saying, but I'm tired. I think I've made a conscious decision to stop dating/looking for someone, and to be alone. I feel at 35 my life is over. I have to try to figure out how to be a good mom, and raise the best son that I can by myself. I have given up on everything else. This last guy helped me to see that I'm not ready and probably never will be.

[momtokam]

You may not be ready.

But sometimes it's not the right person making you feel not ready.

 

Concentrate on you and your son for a bit.

 

When the right person comes into your life you may feel differently.

 

Big hugs.

[sikeuritgadeun]

Someone is after me, wants more than I can be comfortable with at this time.  I still love my husband after seven years and I guess I am just not ready.  Hard to say this but its me , not him.  I want love, I want a relationship but I am my own worse enemy.  I will admit it here,  I'm afraid.  Afraid I will never be able to give freely like I did with my DH.  I just don't know how.  I was hurt before, afraid that will happen again.  Go figure.  His death has me scared.  Don't know if there is any hope for me.

[arneal]

There is nothing wrong with being guarded. Each of us here has been through something. Not the same 'something', but a something that had the same result: we are without the person we were with before. There is no rule and as has been stated, feelings change. When my husband died, I figured I wouldn't look to have another man in my life. It wore off pretty quick. I surprised myself in fact. Take your time. Live your life. Take care of your children or your dog if you have one. I was widowed the first time at 30 and focused (primarily) on my son. When I didn't, I made some mistakes that I would not repeat when it came to being on the scene. You have to develop a space for yourself and let life take care of the rest. And still_lost and sikeuritgadeun -- {{{hugs}}} especially.