Bah humbug

[Needytoo]

Have to say so far the holidays have been good, with of course a few unexpected twists and turns.  I opened up to my sons before Christmas on things that I hate about it, and I did it without any guilt. 

 

I got a friend request on Facebook that I didn’t see coming. It was from my first husband.  We were high school sweethearts and married young.  Our marriage went bad quickly and only lasted 10 months.  Since the day we separated we only spoke once. I think our maturity level and a few other factors were what caused our marriage to collapse so quickly.  He has apologized for how he treated me and has stirred up those old emotions.  Then on Facebook another old schoolmate posted that an old boyfriend contacted her.  I checked her friends and wouldn’t you know it, it was my ex-husband.  I always suspected something was going on.  Had a few “nasty” thoughts, I wanted to write to both of them and just let loose but I thought I better sleep on it.  The next day I noticed her post was down.  It has been 27 years, I just don’t know if I should even go down this path to heal old wounds, or do I?

 

Christmas day with my sons was great, I allowed myself to be calm and relaxed.  It was around 2 pm when I started my calls to family.  I first called my father.  (my father married my mother’s palliative care nurse shortly after my Mom’s passing.  This woman made visiting my father a horrible ordeal.  I never addressed the issues because that is how I was raised. To keep your mouth shut.  My father never came to the funeral or has visited since my husband’s passing) My step-mother answered the phone when I called.  The week before they had to euthanize their dog, my father and her loved their dog more than my sister’s family and us.  Usually they are already in Florida for the winter but my father is getting treated for macular degeneration so their trip is delayed.  She said she just wanted to leave and she misses her dog.  I told her I understand which I do.  I worked in vet medicine for 23 years and lost 4 of our pets in a year and a half but I really didn’t feel too much empathy for the woman, lets face it losing your dog isn’t the same as losing a spouse.  My brother and his family spent Christmas with my father, of course we weren’t invited. Last night I got a phone call from my brother. He said I ruined their Christmas. Shirley was so grief stricken after our phone call because I didn’t give her any condolences. I was a little shocked at his response and said I really don’t want to discuss and go down my horrible grief road. 

 

I will admit there have been many times in my life that I hide away from my emotions and didn’t open up and try to resolve conflict.  I am really trying to stop this. I am not sure why my ex contacted me and I really don’t know how to handle my step mother, father or brother.  I would greatly appreciate any feedback?  I think my husband is spending a lot of time with us now, I am smell a lot of cigarette smoke, which I believe is him coming to visit.  Not sure what he is trying to say.

 

 

[Eddienhp]

Needytoo,

 

I used to smell the cigarette smoke too. It was undeniable and happened in. Place where no one smoked. I found it very comforting. You didn't ruin anyone's Christmas. You are not responsible for another's actions. I come from a house that had the same philosophy, shut up. It lead to a lot of inappropriate behavior that would be considered abuse. I no longer play the game. Perhaps your ex was trying to make amends for the past. I can understand his contact stirring up old feelings. Try to do what is right for you.

 

Best wishes,

Eileen

[Needytoo]

Thanks, Eileen good to know someone else was raised up with the "shut up" attitude. lol 

[beth_krkswidow]

Don't give the step another thought. I have a few words to say about your brother for even relaying that info... I was not raised in a shut up family,  but right now I probably should just do that. 

[Guest wecouldbeheros]

Avoid ex : boyfriends

                spouses

                lovers

                FB requests for sex

                etc.  ( :

[Needytoo]

Your right my brother shouldn't have brought it up.

 

No worries about getting involved with me ex he lives on the other side of the country.