Eddienhp

I have a hard time connecting with other parents. They can afford to take their kids to shows, vacations, etc. I can not. They are all excited to see me then ask when we are free. I say we are always free on weekends; how about looking at your calendar and let me know which one you have availability. Never hear from them. I am 8-1/2 years out. I make a schedule for my kids filled with library classes, scouting events, nature center classes, etc. All the low cost or free activities. Then I send notice to all of these moms. Maybe one might sign up to go with us. I find that has been the best way for us to connect. I do know it is easier to connect with other parents when the kids are at an activity. Scouting is wonderful because so many parents participate. It is the same as nature center classes. At the library, most of the parents are waiting right outside the room. The things we have in common is our kids and their activities. I do not know another widow in real life. Not many people understand where we are. It is the same as special needs parenting. I have a special needs kid. Are you looking to make a social connection with other moms or is it that you notice there is a big difference in common lifestyles now that you are a widow?

So sorry, Rob. Sending you prayers and healing thoughts. Eileen

I am coming up on 8 years out. I have followed your story since then. Your journey has been hard and long. I am amazed by your resilience. I can truly relate to the life we live now is so very different than the life we lived then. I hope you find the peace and happiness you long for.

I have witnessed this myself with my two kids. One day I looked at my daughter and saw my husband. It was jolting and breathtaking at the same time. I am pleased they have inherited some of his qualities. I am 8 years in November.

So great to hear your happy news, Maureen. I came to widowhood in November 2011 so I remember your name and history. Thank you for sharing your story of resilience, determination and hope!

I notice lately I walk around saying Fuck under my breath. A lot. All I can say is F, F, F!!

A lot of people tell me there is hope for me too, that I am still young, etc. What they don't realize is I have no interest. I am busy raising my kids. Maybe one day but not now. I think it is more a societal matter that people need to be coupled. Many people feel uncomfortable being alone. They project their own fear and insecurities onto us by making these comments. I find peace and tranquility in being alone. I love this! Oh Hell no!!! LOL

My kids were 5 and 2 when my husband died. They do not remember him. That said, they do enjoy talking about him, looking at his artwork and using his items. My daughter plays my husband's flute. She loves rocks and minerals which my husband had a collection. Both of my kids are so much like their father. We talk about that a lot. What traits and talents they share with my husband. I also have a stepdaughter we see once a month. Both she and I talk about memories that my children listen too. Your child's relationship continues with their dad. It's just in a different way.

"death brings out the worst in some people I guess" Absolutely yes. I saw some amazing things after my husband died. I remain shocked to this day 7+ years later. The bottom line is THEY were crazy. Crazy people do crazy things. Do an internet search for free legal help. There are agencies funded by the government to help those with low income. Also check out colleges with law programs. They look for cases for their students to work on. I don't know what she thinks she is going to get. She will have to pay for the lawyer who will want a good sized retainer. Lets see if she follows through. As for the kids, perhaps when they are older they will seek you out and re-establish contact. So sorry you have to deal with this!

Oh, so sorry Tybec. My heart goes out to you, your son and the young lady's family. Sending strength..Eileen

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Gem, I am at 7-1/2 years and I just now feel like I have healed from the pain. I was on a very slow road of grief that had so many obstacles along the way. I questioned God too. Why was I still here. Somewhere in the middle I found my purpose; to help people with disabilities. My son is disabled. I started a social skills group in desperation to help him. Seeing those kids come in with smiles brought my joy back. Watching their parents de-stress in the waiting room knowing this was the only place they wouldn't be asked to leave due to their child's behavior make me realize the significant impact we made on a family. Now I reach further to become a state recognized provider so we can offer more. I was taken down a road that led me to here. I most likely wouldn't have taken the road if my husband were still alive. Do I love life? I am not sure I am there yet. Do I enjoy my life again? Mostly. I feel my loss and I have learned to accept it and live with it. My life is good. We have everything we need with the exception of a Dad/Husband. You are questioning why you are still here. Asking God why. I feel this will lead you to the place you are supposed to be. Try to be patient. It will come to you. One bit of advice if I may. Make sure you take care of yourself. I let self care slide now I am paying the price for it. Hang in there. Eileen

Sending you hugs Bubu27. I have been there. My children are what keep me going. It's 7-1/2 years for me. I finally feel like I am free of the pain and sadness. Not a day goes by without thinking of my husband. I have not moved on. I have learned to live without. I must be here to make sure these kids grow into independent adults who are self sufficient. I haven't dated. I don't know if I ever will. It seems like that part of my life is gone. I can understand and relate to what you say. So sorry for your loss. Eileen

I have a disabled son who has community support workers who help him. One of his workers passed away suddenly. She was with us since 2015. Needless to say we are devastated. The loss is magnified by my children's grief. They were so young when my husband passed. They don't remember it. So, in their minds, this is their first death they have experienced. I have been affected in very strong ways. I can't think clearly, barely getting things done. I feel like I am going to get sick. I am heartbroken. This lady passed from circumstances that shouldn't have happened. It doesn't seem right. She was a tremendous force in the disabled community so a terrible loss for us and a tragic loss for her family. This lady was like family to us. I see my kids grieve; both in such different ways. One shut down and the other talks about it. I feel like I have to hide from one child so the other child can speak. I have now assumed this lady's working hours with my son. I can't bear to replace her with another worker. I doubt my son would be ready anyway. I'm not ready. This loss really knocked me to my knees. My husband's death was so different. He had cancer and battled close to two years. This one got me. Eileen

So sad. He was well liked because of his witty writing style. My condolences to his family & friends.