Eddienhp

I have a hard time connecting with other parents. They can afford to take their kids to shows, vacations, etc. I can not. They are all excited to see me then ask when we are free. I say we are always free on weekends; how about looking at your calendar and let me know which one you have availability. Never hear from them. I am 8-1/2 years out. I make a schedule for my kids filled with library classes, scouting events, nature center classes, etc. All the low cost or free activities. Then I send notice to all of these moms. Maybe one might sign up to go with us. I find that has been the best way for us to connect. I do know it is easier to connect with other parents when the kids are at an activity. Scouting is wonderful because so many parents participate. It is the same as nature center classes. At the library, most of the parents are waiting right outside the room. The things we have in common is our kids and their activities. I do not know another widow in real life. Not many people understand where we are. It is the same as special needs parenting. I have a special needs kid. Are you looking to make a social connection with other moms or is it that you notice there is a big difference in common lifestyles now that you are a widow?

So sorry, Rob. Sending you prayers and healing thoughts. Eileen

I am coming up on 8 years out. I have followed your story since then. Your journey has been hard and long. I am amazed by your resilience. I can truly relate to the life we live now is so very different than the life we lived then. I hope you find the peace and happiness you long for.

I have witnessed this myself with my two kids. One day I looked at my daughter and saw my husband. It was jolting and breathtaking at the same time. I am pleased they have inherited some of his qualities. I am 8 years in November.

So great to hear your happy news, Maureen. I came to widowhood in November 2011 so I remember your name and history. Thank you for sharing your story of resilience, determination and hope!

I notice lately I walk around saying Fuck under my breath. A lot. All I can say is F, F, F!!

A lot of people tell me there is hope for me too, that I am still young, etc. What they don't realize is I have no interest. I am busy raising my kids. Maybe one day but not now. I think it is more a societal matter that people need to be coupled. Many people feel uncomfortable being alone. They project their own fear and insecurities onto us by making these comments. I find peace and tranquility in being alone. I love this! Oh Hell no!!! LOL

My kids were 5 and 2 when my husband died. They do not remember him. That said, they do enjoy talking about him, looking at his artwork and using his items. My daughter plays my husband's flute. She loves rocks and minerals which my husband had a collection. Both of my kids are so much like their father. We talk about that a lot. What traits and talents they share with my husband. I also have a stepdaughter we see once a month. Both she and I talk about memories that my children listen too. Your child's relationship continues with their dad. It's just in a different way.

"death brings out the worst in some people I guess" Absolutely yes. I saw some amazing things after my husband died. I remain shocked to this day 7+ years later. The bottom line is THEY were crazy. Crazy people do crazy things. Do an internet search for free legal help. There are agencies funded by the government to help those with low income. Also check out colleges with law programs. They look for cases for their students to work on. I don't know what she thinks she is going to get. She will have to pay for the lawyer who will want a good sized retainer. Lets see if she follows through. As for the kids, perhaps when they are older they will seek you out and re-establish contact. So sorry you have to deal with this!

Oh, so sorry Tybec. My heart goes out to you, your son and the young lady's family. Sending strength..Eileen

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Gem, I am at 7-1/2 years and I just now feel like I have healed from the pain. I was on a very slow road of grief that had so many obstacles along the way. I questioned God too. Why was I still here. Somewhere in the middle I found my purpose; to help people with disabilities. My son is disabled. I started a social skills group in desperation to help him. Seeing those kids come in with smiles brought my joy back. Watching their parents de-stress in the waiting room knowing this was the only place they wouldn't be asked to leave due to their child's behavior make me realize the significant impact we made on a family. Now I reach further to become a state recognized provider so we can offer more. I was taken down a road that led me to here. I most likely wouldn't have taken the road if my husband were still alive. Do I love life? I am not sure I am there yet. Do I enjoy my life again? Mostly. I feel my loss and I have learned to accept it and live with it. My life is good. We have everything we need with the exception of a Dad/Husband. You are questioning why you are still here. Asking God why. I feel this will lead you to the place you are supposed to be. Try to be patient. It will come to you. One bit of advice if I may. Make sure you take care of yourself. I let self care slide now I am paying the price for it. Hang in there. Eileen

Sending you hugs Bubu27. I have been there. My children are what keep me going. It's 7-1/2 years for me. I finally feel like I am free of the pain and sadness. Not a day goes by without thinking of my husband. I have not moved on. I have learned to live without. I must be here to make sure these kids grow into independent adults who are self sufficient. I haven't dated. I don't know if I ever will. It seems like that part of my life is gone. I can understand and relate to what you say. So sorry for your loss. Eileen

I have a disabled son who has community support workers who help him. One of his workers passed away suddenly. She was with us since 2015. Needless to say we are devastated. The loss is magnified by my children's grief. They were so young when my husband passed. They don't remember it. So, in their minds, this is their first death they have experienced. I have been affected in very strong ways. I can't think clearly, barely getting things done. I feel like I am going to get sick. I am heartbroken. This lady passed from circumstances that shouldn't have happened. It doesn't seem right. She was a tremendous force in the disabled community so a terrible loss for us and a tragic loss for her family. This lady was like family to us. I see my kids grieve; both in such different ways. One shut down and the other talks about it. I feel like I have to hide from one child so the other child can speak. I have now assumed this lady's working hours with my son. I can't bear to replace her with another worker. I doubt my son would be ready anyway. I'm not ready. This loss really knocked me to my knees. My husband's death was so different. He had cancer and battled close to two years. This one got me. Eileen

So sad. He was well liked because of his witty writing style. My condolences to his family & friends.

So Sorry Virgo. Sending you hugs. Eileen

So sorry you had to join us Widower40. That said, you will be glad you did. I am 7-1/2 years out. My kids were 2 and 5 at the time. I remember 9 months and 18 months being very tough. I had a long grief period as I had to face some significant and complicated financial issues. My 5 year old had autism and was nonverbal. It was a very difficult journey. Fast forward to today, my autistic son has made tremendous strides. He is 12 now. I am in awe of him. My 9 year old daughter is simply amazing. I really couldn't be prouder of the fine young children they have become. They are both caring, kind and generous. Each one is so much like my late husband and it is comforting. I can see each of them having a bright future that has been shaped by our loss and will be combined with their individual talents. We are currently grieving a significant loss of a very special woman who helped my son. It is bringing up the loss of my husband again. With this current loss, my children are able to understand more about death. Each grieve so differently; my son asking questions and wished to attend the wake while my daughter refuses to talk about it. I know we will work our way through the loss of this special lady together. I am following the children's lead. I answer their questions. I describe what the services are and what they look like. I give my daughter the space she needs. While other people told me I should worry about her not speaking about her grief, something tells me she is ok and she will be ready one day. For now, I will reassure her and tell her it is ok not to talk. To be honest, I couldn't bear to tell my kids for two days. Here are a couple of things that helped us along the way: Sesame Place has an amazing resource to help children cope https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/grief/ The Dougy center is another great resource https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-to-help-a-grieving-child/ I send my best to you. Keep the faith that it will be better one day. Eileen

Sadness, you are fine just where you are. You have been dealt a big blow in life. Its normal to feel just like you do. My husband passed 7 years ago. At the time. kids were 5 and 2. It was so hard to work, take care of kids plus grieve. I remember feeling like a robot. It did get better, little by little. Now it is a lot better. I still think of my husband everyday and I miss him. I do feel I have recovered from the pain of the loss. It no longer wears me down. Have faith that you will survive. You will find yourself. Your life will be redefined. Life can and will be happy again. We learn to be grateful for the time we had with our loved ones and carry them with us throughout our journey. Sending you hugs, Eileen

Hi Candace. I remember you from the old board. I just past 7 years in November. I have not dated. I attempted to by setting up an online profile. About a month later I realized I am not ready. I am also busy with my kids who were 2 and 5 when my husband passed. I am finally at a point where I feel I can move on in life. I was carrying the loss around with me. It was like a black cloud hanging over my head. Now I feel like, this is my life; while it may be different than what I wanted, I am ready to live it. I hope that makes sense. Some would say I am healed. Others would say finally!!! I say I am finally comfortable with all of it. I think of my husband daily. I wish he were here. Yet I am able to be happy and have joy in life. We still grieve. A burst of anniversaries and life events can trigger us. We have to do what is best for us. Grieve, reach out to those who understand. You don't sound rambling to us. We get it. Sending you hugs, Eileen

I lost my dad unexpectedly in 2007. My husband died in 2011. To this day it it still seems unreal that 4 years later my husband would be the first family member to follow my father to the grave. Grieving for each was different. I believe it was because my father was older. Naturally I miss both but it is my husband's death that has the most impact on me. Eileen

It’s coming in a few days. 7 years. It doesn’t seem real. It seems like a lifetime ago yet seems like it happened 2 years ago. The grief is different. No more crippling, deep grief. No more replaying the last two weeks of his life. It’s more sadness like a sigh. I can function but I notice I am not as able to concentrate to my best level. It’s more like a slight fatigue. Somehow my mind never thought about the anniversary numbers getting bigger. That stands out. The numbers will get larger and larger. I have to realize that and accept it. That seems so simple yet it is not. My kids are alive longer without their father than they were with him. The world has moved on but we carry the grief everyday. We live it. We face it. It will always be part of us. Someone very important is no longer here. It can’t be avoided or erased. That is a fact we will live with all of our lives. I have not dated. I am too busy raising two kids under 12, working, managing a household. I recently tried to venture into online dating only to realize I don’t have time nor the energy. I have a child with special needs so my ability to get out depends on a support worker showing up and their work hours. It’s ok. I am at peace with it. The time alone has made me learn a lot about myself. I have emerged from this stronger. I am very thankful I can express this here amongst people who understand. Eileen

I am where you were. Approaching 7 years for me with a 12 and 9 year old. My life is consumed with working and taking care of kids. I know one day I will be on my own as the kids grow and take on their new lives. I am planning to take library courses, join clubs, and activity groups. Maybe I will look to date. This life is hard. We used to have a partner. Now we don't. We must deal with what we have and go from there. Wishing you the best, Eileen

Sending you lots of hugs Captain's Wife. I have one with autism/adhd and the other typical. I am a widowed, self employed mom. Totally not easy at all. My kids are in scouts too. Its a great program but requires a lot of time. I have been very irritated in the past month as I face numerous items breaking down. I am up to 10 different items at this point. I am getting cranky, frustrated, and depressed. I love when people tell me, just call a repairman. Yeah, each repair is a minimum of $250 to fix, like I got $2,500 sitting around I can part with. Oh yeah, that is what YOU do, you just call someone. Yes because you are a mom (SAH/PT Worker) whose husband is really the one who supports the family. How nice and convenient to just pick up the phone and call for help not having to worry about how it will be paid for. How about this too; stop posting pictures of everywhere you take your kid? My kids see them and I can't take them to all the wonderful places you take yours. I am also sick of seeing you and your hubby pictures touting what an amazing relationship you both have. I am totally not in the mood for this. My defenses have been weakened. I am emotionally vulnerable. Why is it me, always me, who has to do everything, pick up the pieces, carry on, overwhelmed and continually exhausted. No family here either. Somehow we make it all work. We live with loss and are reminded of it everyday. We have come to the point where we usually can get through the day but there is a day or two that just knocks us down and the ugly grief monster rears its head reminding us it is right there just beside us. Sending you peace and strength. Eileen

Coming up on 7 years for me. You lived a lot in the 9 year; accomplished so much and lost so much. It's surreal. Sending you cyber hugs.

So sorry for your family's loss. It is a beautiful picture. Sometimes pictures are all we have left. We learn to live with the heartache we carry throughout life. Sending you and your family peace and serenity today as you face the anniversary. Eiileen