How can I do this

[sikeuritgadeun]

It's been seven years, why am I not getting any better?  My life is in shambles.  I really feel like I have lost my mind.  Everything is a struggle.  Everything.  I am so alone and have no one to talk to.  I know I should go get help but I can hardly leave my house.  I do the bare minimum to exist.  My kids are out of control.  I need them to move out on their own but all I get is flack from them.  This isn't easy.  I use to be happy.  I don't think I will ever be happy again.  I'm damn near throwing in the towel.  My life has gone to crap. From living a nice loving life with my husband to this.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs to you.

 

I know that adjusting to widowhood is very difficult.  I know what it feels like to be in a deep pit and not have much energy to get out of that pit.  Sometimes, we have to start with small steps.  I have a widowed friend who has been walking some of this walk with me from a distance.  That has been helpful, since both of us have been in our own pits.  I told this person one day that it seemed like he was only digging his pit deeper instead of trying to climb out of it.  Once a pit gets to a certain depth, we cannot throw the dirt in the pit out of it anymore because the walls are too high.  So whenever we dig more dirt and throw it up, it just falls back down on our heads.  We feel even worse, because all we have done is made ourselves feel dirty.

 

I don't know what your small steps can be.  Perhaps, now that spring is coming, you can go outside?  Perhaps you can get in your car and drive for a few minutes without expecting yourself to have to go to a store or interact with people?  Perhaps you can write down some small tasks to do?  Sometimes, when I am feeling more paralyzed, I make myself get up during TV commercials and just do something.  I take out one bag of trash.  I throw in one load of laundry.  I look through one file.  I choose one item to put in the box of things going to charity.

 

Some days, I enlist the help of a friend for a task I can't complete for whatever emotional reason.  I have been clearing out my house in preparation for putting it on the market and moving.  There has been a pile of paint cans under the basement steps that I have avoided for a year.  Yesterday, a friend was over and I told him I was going to need to look through the paint because the plumber working on pipes had to cut through a wall to fix a problem and I was going to need to repaint that section of wall.  He went with me and we sifted through paint cans in 10 minutes and put some of them in my car to take to hazardous waste.  So...a task I had avoided for a year took just 10 minutes with a little support.

 

I don't know if you have seen a doctor or therapist, but that sounds like it would be a good move.  If you have depression or anxiety, you might find a NAMI support group helpful.  The bottom line is that in order to get out of your pit, you have to start somewhere.  First, make sure you aren't trying to dig deeper.  Then figure out small steps you can take to start climbing out of the pit.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[mmg19]

Maureen always has words that comfort and give support.  She had good advice.  Have you had a physical recently?  Also a therapist could be good for you.  Do you have a church?  I know nothing about your circumstances and do not want to offend.  Please make contact with groups or community resources to see what is available.

 

Isolation is not good and tends to create even more isolation.  Hugs to you. 

 

Blessings