It has been 9 months and emotions are stronger

[Petra]

I thought I'm doing better it has been 9 months but suddenly it feels like yesterday . I can't believe it is going to be a year in 3 months since I lost my beloved husband to brain tumor .. I'm lonely .. very lonely .. how am I going to adjust to this new chapter .. I can't stand it when my friends tell me get over it and move on .. I'm hoping someone in here can understand .. I feel completely lost

 

[Julester3]

Just a few months beyond you but I think this stage is hard because my theory is that we really start starving from skin deprivation - missing them and their physical connection and touch and the processing through our psyche - the brain finally accepting the reality and that we are really not in a parallel universe. We stick to our weekly routines. I make myself go out with friends I am comfortable with. My kids and I go and do things so we have little days where we are not occupied. I try not to sit at home and hermit myself in. I'm trying my best to power through it and keep busy. I have to admit the time right before bed is still hard and sadly, not getting enough sleep at this point but at least I am getting 6 hours.

[MR]

I am 6 months out but having similar feeling that when with friends and family I am relaxed and able to enjoy little(use to be fake enjoyment earlier). So planning to keep doing it so that go move little forward from this stage. Yes nights and mornings are tough but only going to bed when I know I can't keep my eyes open as that way I can just lay down and sleep. Still not getting more than 4-5 hours of sleep but I can see it is little more than earlier.

[Petra]

Thank Mr and Julester3 for sharing ..

I guess i lost my joy .. i took care of him for 5 years .. it was tough seeing him in pain .knowing he is at peace is just a relief  but suddenly i feel that the whole world is enemy..The kids are away for college .no more nurses or doctors appointment .my house is so quite ..i have the TV on the minute i enter the house ..i tried  to work part time ..i go out once a while with friends but what make them happy .it means nothing to me ..i miss his energy being there and i feel angry that he left early and suffered big deal..

and then this emptiness …inner emptiness …

 

[KrypticKat]

I think right before bed is the hardest because there are no more daily distractions you can busy yourself with. And when you're at this stage and the shock is wearing off not only can you not keep the thoughts out at night but the pain is just that much more real now.

 

It sucks. Period.

[beth_krkswidow]

Thank Mr and Julester3 for sharing ..

I guess i lost my joy .. i took care of him for 5 years .. it was tough seeing him in pain .knowing he is at peace is just a relief  but suddenly i feel that the whole world is enemy..The kids are away for college .no more nurses or doctors appointment .my house is so quite ..i have the TV on the minute i enter the house ..i tried  to work part time ..i go out once a while with friends but what make them happy .it means nothing to me ..i miss his energy being there and i feel angry that he left early and suffered big deal..

and then this emptiness …inner emptiness …

 

 

Exactly.  Lost my joy.  They were our joy.  Now it's just emptiness.  I say I'm a head and feet.  Nothing in between.  At Grief Group the facilitator said, "It's like half your heart is gone."  I said, "NO.  My WHOLE heart is gone."  She now quotes me.  Utter emptiness.  Utter utter void.