6 months in

[Skywalkmom]

I am worried that I can't continue to be strong for the kids. I am no one without my husband. I feel like I've been tossed aside and forgotten. It would be easier to join him. How do we go on?

[Julester3]

It is hard. We all must take this journey but we all take different routes. I first used my kids to give me strength and motivate me. I feel a need to become the rock for them. Their dad was our rock and I was always the mortar that kept us together. I have to keep my kids up so I had to shift and become the rock. For me I had to make sacrifices and change some priorities in order to do so. I also had to work on reminding myself why I had to do this. It's hard to go from a partnership to single parenting when you had no experience in it. I have good days and bad days. We go to monthly groups and I share and vent as I need to and get feedback. It helps.

 

Then I looked to myself and tried to find the good qualities of myself and bring them forward. I use a lot of distraction and I keep as busy as I can without wearing myself ragged.

 

Hugs for you today. You just need to find your route.

[Trying]

Skywalkmom you are hitting what I found to be the hardest part of the marathon that being a widowed parent is.  Fatigue and self doubt was at its heaviest for me in the second part of the first year which is why this section is "reality sets in".  None of us had children with the thought we could be doing it alone and now when being faced with the most difficult time of our lives we have to take on so much additional responsibilities. 

 

You can do this, you will do this because you have been given no other choice.  It will be hard, you may make some mistakes (I made many) and you may want to quit on a daily basis.  But eventually you will find things being more manageable. You will find yourself enjoying moments with your children and feeling happy more often.  3 1/2 years later there are still difficult days raising my kids alone but they are not the majority of my days.  Sometimes I still wonder what things would be like for my kids if he was still here but I have come to accept our reality for what it is. 

 

I have never been good about asking for or accepting help and that was probably my biggest mistake.  Family and friends want to help but don't always know how and over time they tend to forget what our daily struggle is.  Ask for help when you can, it doesn't mean you are not strong, it means you are smart enough to know you are not super human.

[MR]

I am going thru the same. Last month was not bad but for last few days it is like everything comes back in cycle. It feels I am back to month 1 except can't cry same way. So started taking one day at a time day Strategy and let's hope it works, In fact as Trying said we don't have option we have to make it work.