The Go To Gal

[messageinabottle]

So I branched out the last couple years making friends and really reaching out to socialize.  Yes it has been nice. 

 

But I am now the go to gal in every crisis for them.  It is getting to be a bit much at times when I am already overwhelmed along with my Mom making me her go to gal in time of crisis too.  I am burned out and tired. 

Plus my job is demanding more ect. 

I was thinking of this the other day.  I am a true helper by nature.  And honestly helping others has made me less invisible to the world but now I need to cut back on volunteering , helping  ect.  And that is making some of my "askers" upset with me. 

I guess I am still learning in this journey.  But I don't want to feel invisible again just not needing the huge energy drains lately.

Not sure if any of this is making sense

[BrokenHeart2]

I read in a previous post about taking care of ourselves and one of the points was learning to say no.  Yes all of what you are saying makes perfect sense.  People see you as a helper so naturally they will navigate to you to step up. When your plate is too full it's time to step back. None of us knows what is truly happening in others lives. It's up to us to take care of us!

Hugs

[Carey]

Saying No is a lesson I need to learn to. My best friend's wife is always rather ill, now she is facing knee surgery and I find myself at their house every night cooking and cleaning and taking care of their girls. Im almost TOO integrated into their family life, but I enjoy being with them and feeling needed, but I can see how it could be a dangerous position too.  I've never said no often enough for anyone to get upset with me. HA! I should do something about that

[Guest littlebirdie]

I'm good at saying no. If someone asks why, I say "Because I don't want to." The more you practice saying no, the freer you will feel. Eventually you'll feel good about refusing people when you need to.

[Sugarbell]

I believe volunteering and or service is healthy for a balanced life.

 

iN MODERATION

 

The problem is...once you volunteer once...they ask you for everything...then if spreads to other organizations.

 

For my kids...I volunteer when I HAVE to. Concessions for basketball and now concessions for baseball. I never volunteer to take the lead on that shit. That is the nightmare. I am an Indian not a chief when it comes to volunteering.

 

I don't go to PTA meetings...I never volunteer to be home room Mom. If they need me to bring something to a party for class I do-but again never take the lead. Those PTA groupies here are drama filled crazy.

 

I no longer volunteer with church stuff...I did when kids were very young...I may again when they are grown...but I don't have the time. I say NO!

 

As far as needy drama friends....I don't answer the phone. Lol. Pretty easy. Then wait till right before bed and send a text that I saw they called and I just got to my phone-it was charging by the bed. By then they have talked to someone else about drama gossip so they don't call back.

 

I am your go to gal with crisis stuff (I have a close friend here whose teenage daughter ran awAy is on drugs and she's raising her granddaughter-I listen and am there for her. ) The stupid stuff-I blow off...if I get cornered out and about with other Moms and they gossip-I zone out...go in my own world.

 

Sounds like you have energy vampires...they will move on if they know you don't want to hear about it.

[ThalginsLuv]

I did our neighborhood Halloween party and our Thanksgiving party last year but I wasn't available for Christmas party and guess what... we didn't have a Christmas party. No one stepped up to do it. This year has been hell for me. My mother almost died and was in the hospital in January. When she was released she had to move in with me for would care. She was finally able to move back to her home about 2 weeks ago and go back to work this week. Now we ALWAYS decorate our clubhouse and neighborhood for the holiday. The management takes care of the outside decorations (we hang things on the light posts) but nobody did the clubhouse or hall decorations for either Valentines day or St. Patrick's day or Easter. I have our decorations so organized in each of their boxes so it only takes about 30 minutes to set up. Also I usually run the Easter party but since I didn't do it we aren't having one. I have been the lead for these parties for over 7 years and it really saddens me that NO ONE bothered to step up to take over. Everyone knows I am now a widow with an infant and it wasn't a secret about my mom, but yet no one cared. I am just so sad and angry about the whole thing.