Tell Me About Your Spouse

[SieOma]

I don't think any of you will recognize me. I became a member of the old board in 2010, and tried to keep this thread going there. I think we ended up with 4 threads linked together because they got so long and attention spans tend to be short now. So...

 

What was he or she like? What did they not like? Got a memory playing in your head or a favorite memory? Say as much or as little as you want. Every post gets read.

[Debedubu]

It's been 12 years for me next Month. What I once thought I would never forget have faded gradually and slowly from my mind and my body. Unbelievably I can't imagine him holding me in bed any more. If I were newly widowed again, as painful as it might have been at the time, is I would write, describe all the tiny details, the emotions, things I took for granted would never leave me. That way in times like now, I could go back and reawaken that which I miss s much today.  On a happier note, Jimmie loved bed to sing. It it takes no more than to hear one of his favorite songs and his voice, his smile, the he looked at me when he sang love songs to me all flood back into my mind.  Such a good feeling.  Thanks for encouraging me to remember and record.

 

[Guest TooSoon]

You guys rule!  My husband was an iconoclast but also the greatest father.  He was an artist and that ruled our lives but the day our daughter was born, he became this squishy softie man.  It was a privilege to witness, though we didn't get much time. I have never seen love like the love Scott had for our daughter. Now she and I have come up with our way and I think it is good and healthy but I do wonder what it might have been ( I am remarried to a widower who is going to read this and who knows how difficult this journey is.)  People loved my husband.; they were drawn to him.  He was a trip and the life of the party because he loved the outrageous and indulged in it but he was also just a good guy through and through.  I miss him. I don't remember him so much anymore but I miss his love of life and spirit.  We might not have been the best match in some ways but god I loved him and our 9 years and the kid we made, maddening as she is.   

[Michele]

Hello, is anyone out there? I just want to find a place where someone will listen. I signed up for this forum, and. don't know known how to navigate.  Finally stumbled on this button down atvthe bottom of this page. I just don't think straight, and teary eyes don't help. I lost my husband of 44 years in may. I miss him so much sometimes I feel sick. I feel so alone in my grief, like no one around me can possibly know the pain I feel. I go through the motions. I do what I'm supposed to, I laugh with my grandchildren, I clean the house. It's all so empty. It's like living in the twilight zone.

[Julester3]

Michele, we are always reading and we are always here and accessible. It's helpful to read around here and see for yourself that we understand what you are going through. The hardest part of this survival we need to do is simply being able to function day to day. Many of us fake it as best as we can. That is just plain truth. Hugs to you.

 

My Josh was special. He waited for me patiently. I first met him in 7th grade and he always made sure to keep tabs on me, keep me as a friend through the years. We always had a natural knack for conversation and there was probably nothing left we hadn't debated unless it hadn't happened yet. We did not actually date until freshman year college. He was too afraid of rejection but once I told him I wouldn't be adverse to dating him, even though we were over 3 hours away at different universities, the rest was history. Josh though quiet and pretty reserved, he loved gaming and games, rock music, Star Wars and Chicago sports teams. He valued my own individuality and respected my own hobbies, interests. I think that's why we are surviving well. We were strong successful individuals that could function just fine but we chose to collaborate as partners and lovers out of choice.

[Michele]

The love of my life wasn't the best guy in the world. He was spoiled and jealous at times, thoughtful and sweet sometimes. We often struggled financially. It was a rocky relationship, but we stuck it out, raised our 4 children together,  and welcomed 9 grandchildren in to our big loving family. Now he is gone, and my whole world is ripped wide open. I have many mixed emotions coming and going. I can't believe he left me here like this. I stayed by his bedside  for 66 days, 5 hospitals, sleeping in a chair 64 of those nights. I would never leave him alone. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I am afraid. I never felt fear when he was here. He was the only person who never abandoned me, until now. His last day plays over and over in my mind. This is the most intense pain I have ever felt.

[Always]

I lost my John a week ago today. He was perfect.

We started dating in highschool, and were together for 13 years, we have only been married 2 months though before his accident.

We rarely fought. Hes handsome, funny/witty, unbelievably smart, liked a good debate, huge geek, liked to ride his motorcycle and had a beard that he was very proud of. He played video games, cooked with me in our little home. Went to Hobby Lobby with me even if he was very full from lunch. He took care of me, and I took care of him. Sang Family guy quotes in his sleep, loved kids, and the beach.

He loved me unconditionally. We did everything together. He never met an enemy, always found common ground even with people others couldn't stand.

I don't understand why hes gone, when hes so good.

People keep telling me "God takes those he loves the most, first", that's not helping though.

[SieOma]

Hello, is anyone out there? I just want to find a place where someone will listen. I signed up for this forum, and. don't know known how to navigate.  Finally stumbled on this button down atvthe bottom of this page. I just don't think straight, and teary eyes don't help. I lost my husband of 44 years in may. I miss him so much sometimes I feel sick. I feel so alone in my grief, like no one around me can possibly know the pain I feel. I go through the motions. I do what I'm supposed to, I laugh with my grandchildren, I clean the house. It's all so empty. It's like living in the twilight zone.

 

Michelle, I "liked" your post, thinking it might help you find it again. One thing about a community of widows/ers coming together to share is that you will always find someone who understands your thoughts, your feelings, and even your actions and circumstances.

[Christopher]

I was widowed in Sept 2010. It was sudden and I had no friends or family to lean on. Grandma (late wife's side) used an AARP subscription she had kept secret from us to steal the car. I was too broken to stop her. Taking care of our 5 year old son after that was tough but we managed.

I had complete short term memory loss for 6 months and much of what I used to remember is now just a big void, but I will do my best.

 

My beloved lady was a real gem of a woman, straight out of Biblical behavior. She was patient, kind, intelligent, witty, clever, dutiful and industrious with what little we had (I had a construction company when we married then the entire multi-billion dollar a year multi-state industry collapsed during my 3rd year as a startup so I was working minimum wage full time and we were struggling). She was an artist and enjoyed music as well. I would commonly come home to find her working in Photoshop on a project or playing a video game if our kiddo was asleep. Sometimes I would come home to her and our son having a blast doing something.

 

She became a (monogamous) nymphomaniac shortly after our kiddo was born and had me int he bedroom 4-6 hours a day and it became my favorite thing to do in life to make her feel good. That part of me got stuck and now I'm going crazy with lack but I'm a husband, not a tramp. She showered me with affection every day and I showered her with similar affections, whether we were in public or not. Holding hands, kissing, hugs from every angle... we were a highly affectionate couple. I cannot find a similar lady these days to save my life. I need one so badly that every week I find myself weeping and gnashing my teeth when I can no longer hold the need at bay and must endure the burn.

 

She enjoyed long walks on a cool sunny day through the park or by the lake. She liked to have picnics out on the grass on a blanket she set aside just for such a thing and kept in the trunk of our car. I told her about Alaska and she wanted to move there. She liked it cool, but not cold. She hated the heat but didn't think about leaving Oklahoma until I asked her about it. I think she would have very much enjoyed helping me build a cabin in the woods of Alaska so that we could live out there off-grid with all the modern amenities. She loved nature as much as I do.

 

When she died I nearly let my heart completely stop. I nearly died the very next evening of grief. Only the fact that our 5 year old boy needed me brought me out of that. He's 12 now and doing fine.