Suddenly without warning...

[hanginbyfaith]

I lost the love of my life at the beginning of November.  It was a cold night and one of the headlights was out on my car. I said that we should just go home and worry about it another day but of course, he insisted on fixing it right away. And of course, being the kind gentleman he was, he did not want me to help. He wanted me to stay warm in the car. Since it was dark and he needed to see what he was doing he decided to put his small flashlight in his mouth so he could still use both hands to work. He, just like many other people, did this all the time. What he didn't know and what no one could have guessed is what happened next. Somehow the battery inside the flashlight short circuited and proceeded to explode inside his mouth. We were rushed to the hospital where they did everything they could.  The force of the explosion led to severe traumatic brain injury and cardiac arrest.  I did not leave his bedside, I prayed, I cried, I fought with the doctors to do more, I prayed some more, and did everything I possibly could but unfortunately God decided to take him home.  Nothing makes sense right now.  He used to say to me that God made us specifically for each other.  In the past we had both been in horrible relationships where we were treated like garbage.  But together, we were both so very happy.  Why would God rip that away from us?  We had plans for the future, hopes and dreams.  He was only 36.  How are you supposed to reconcile this new horrible mind-numbing reality with the future you had planned?  What is the point of any of this when it can all be gone in an instant? 

[sojourner]

I'm so sorry for your Love's death, hbf- it's pretty much the worst loss that can ever happen to a person. Since we've all suffered this loss of our spouse/partner, even though by many different means, we understand your feelings here. I'm sorry you have to be here, but welcome.

 

Talk and vent and read here as you need to- it can help tremendously. These are very rough, early days of grief you're in- take care of yourself, sleep when you can, don't forget to drink water and eat, and be gentle with yourself.The passage of time will tend to soften the sharp, jagged edges of the death of our loved one, but honestly, there're many, many ups and downs along the way. Hang in there.

 

As for "why"- that's so hard!! Human destiny is that we'll all die.... the when, where, how, & why? No easy answers at all!  I'm 3 and a half years out now, and I can still get myself crazy if I get caught up in trying to figure out why. Speaking only for myself, ultimately, I've trusted in my God's plan and purpose in life and in death. That does NOT mean it makes any of this easy, and it sure doesn't mean I like it!! Those of others faiths or no faith will have other views of course, and many people see it as all random.

 

Peace to you; it can be a great comfort to be among others who've shared this loss, and get your feelings.