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Divorced and dating again


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I’ve really been missing the support and connection this board used to bring me and it’s a bit sad to me that it doesn’t seem active anymore. I’m not sure if anyone is around anymore but I’m feeling the need to share. 
Old timers here might remember I remarried 4 years after Tim died. My older sons were going through some challenging times, my circle of friends kept getting smaller and I clung to the first guy to give me love and attention. We were married for 5 years and while it was not all bad the negatives definitely out weighed the positives and I finally got up the nerve to divorce him and move forward.
I’ve been spending a lot of time and effort with therapy, exploring my own interests and traveling some. My youngest is now in college and this is the first time in my adult life I can really focus on me. It’s been exhilarating!  But it has also brought back some grief issues with the 10 year anniversary of losing Tim coming in September. Feeling more like a widow than a divorcee led me to reach out to a young widow/er support group I was a part of years ago. 

Fast forward and I have met a widower and we have been dating. I have tried to be cautious because he is just approaching the one year anniversary of his wife’s passing. I want to be sure he’s not turning to me to escape dealing with his grief. So far we have been able to have some  wry open and emotional conversations around his grief and we seem to be able to pivot back and forth from me being a friend/grief support to a romantic partner often in the same conversation.  He seems very open and healthy in his expression of his grief and sharing about his loving marriage. It’s also nice for me to be able to talk about Tim, some of the challenges my boys and I have faced and the successes they are having now. 
I continue to feel cautious about his timeline but when we are together it’s difficult to hold back opening my heart to him and his to me.  I also question my own judgment because of the failed marriage. Yes I’m in a very different place now but it is  very soon after my divorce. 
No one in my close circle understands the mind and heart of a widow. It’s hard to explain that being with someone who can speak so lovingly about his late wife makes me feel safe and secure about the type of man he is. 
Thanks for listening and sharing any insights. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Trying, I remember you quite well as we walked many similar paths. I am sorry to hear of your divorce, but am happy you have found someone new. I'm almost 15 years out, and don't think grieving will ever end. I have been in a relationship of 7 years now, but I don't want to remarry; he is not a widower but fortunately respects my widow emotions. I imagine being with a widower would provide even more opportunities for connection. My youngest is also now in college, a big shift in everything. I'd love to connect with you more! - abl

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