When telling the truth might not be a good idea

[Needytoo]

Again I am in a spot where I just don't know what the correct answer is.  I will try to make this short. 

 

My father is very wealthy and over 25 years ago when his brother died he paid for the funeral and gave his widow a lot of money.  Very nice of him, I would say. 

 

When my Mom passed away my father married her palliative care nurse 6 months after passing.  This women did what she wanted with my Mom's belongings and my sister, brother and I didn't get anything.  My father didn't do a thing about this.  She is one "piece of work". 

 

When my husband passed away my father didn't come to the funeral and hasn't visited.  I remember having a bank issue right after my husband's death and in a panic I asked my father if I could borrow money and he turned me down.  He know doesn't send us any gifts (this includes my brother and sister's families).  We have gone down to visit a few times.  The first time we went he didn't even recognize us.

 

I had a lot of anger towards my father but now I just accept what it is. 

 

My cousin that I haven't seen in over 35 years has cancer( his father's funeral was paid by my father.)  We have been texting back and forth and playing on-line games together.  He is worried about his young kids and his employer set up a site that people can donate money to.

 

I have been laid off work so this morning I was applying to jobs and I get a text from my sister telling me to check out the donation page for my cousin.  My father gave a huge donation.  She asked what I thought of it and I told her I was at a lost.  My cousin then text me about it.  He kind of knows my father has been an asshole but I don't want to cause him anymore stress.  I totally don't know what to think about all of this. 

 

Thanks everyone.  I know it shouldn't be all about money but wow. 

[Lisa]

Wow.  What a kick in the gut. I don't know what to say except  I'm sorry and I dont think it is helpful for your sister to try to get a reaction from you. Sending you virtual support.

[widowat33]

I may be wrong, but maybe her sister wanted to let her know before she found out some other way..maybe not to get a reaction.

I'm sorry, I know money is not important, but the fact that he is so generous and free with his money with others must sting a lot! It's not even about the money, it's about his willingness to help, which he seems more than willing to help others, but doesn't feel that he should help his own children.

I think you made the right decision in limiting visits with him...in fact if I were in your situation I'm not sure that I would be able to visit him again.

 

[Needytoo]

You are right LisaPop it did feel like a kick in the gut.  Now other family members (who I haven't seen in 35 years) are making remarks.  I feel making any comments is just not the correct thing to do. It is what it is.  My brother and sister were invited to go to my father's this weekend.  We didn't get an invitation.  My sister swore my father said we were all going to be there.  Oh well I would have found an excuse not to go. 

[Lisa]

Sounds like a lot of drama stirrers in your family. Not heIpful. Sounds like creepy sibling rivalry.  Good for you for holding it together. I'm sure it hurts. Try to do something nice for yourself.