Advice please!

[Helen]

 

The 30th June would have been my 25th wedding anniversary and just thinking about it makes me upset, it's one of those events you plan for years in advance and we had plans.

 

My son is getting married a few days afterwards so all 5 of the kids are arriving home and this evening told me they are planning something for that evening and would I like them to invite lots of people. This is exceptionally kind and thoughtful and a little unlike their teenage (and post teenage) selves, but I am thrown.

 

Obviously having 5 children is something to celebrate, and the impeding wedding a few days later too, but this was not the plan and part of me just wants to ignore the day, keep wedding planning busy and wait for it to pass.

 

Has anyone else 'celebrated' something like this and if so how did it go and what did you do?

[rifatheroffour]

Helen,

 

I know you asked for advice but I do not have any insights for you other than to let you know I understand why this could be upsetting.

 

I have not gotten to 25 yet, did 19 through 21 alone.  I would not be surprised if my four kids wanted to do something for me in four years and I am also not sure how I would appreciate it.

[hachi]

Helen,

 

How sweet that the kids want to do this! I think it's very hard to "celebrate" the day as an anniversary. It will have been 30 for me in August. No way in hell am I celebrating it. On the other hand, if my children actually remembered it and wanted to honor the day in some way I would be very touched.

 

You know best whether having people around helps or hurts. For me, I would just want them to underplay the anniversary part and try to celebrate the future. Let the newlyweds be the center of attention.

 

All the best,

 

 

[Trying]

Wow, that is extremely thoughtful of them!  That being said, I don't think I would want to celebrate in any big way.  I have done my 21st and 22nd alone and mostly just quietly to myself, it feels very personal to me unlike his birthday, sadiversary, Father's Day that affect everyone. 

 

Whatever you decide let them know how grateful you are that they not only remembered but want to honor the day.  I agree that the wedding and the start of a new marriage should be the focus, looking forward with a nod to the past.

[CJF]

That's so sweet of them to want to do something to remember the day.  I personally would want to do something with just the kids and not invite other people but that's me. Would you feel comfortable having many people around or would that be too difficult?  Either way I am sure your kids will understand.