This time last year

[widowat33]

I've been feeling really "down" today. Couldn't figure it out, until I looked at the calendar, then I realized what day it was.

Last year on this day was the last time my husband held me in his arms, kissed me and said goodbye.

He was heading back to work, on a three week shift in the mine where he worked.

So although I could still see him using FaceTime and he didn't die until July 10th, today marks one year since we were together...

[Jen]

(((((((HUGS))))))))

 

Since I passed that one-year mark, I've mostly quit thinking about this time last year-- I guess that makes sense, sort of? Now I just think of life (with Jim) and not-life (ever since he died). It's all a big blur of "back when we were alive," and it hurts to think about, so I try not to. That's no help-- I'm so sorry. Thinking about you today...

 

more hugs,

 

Jen

[midnight_man]

Today marks exactly six months since my wife died so I know the feeling. I wish I had some words of wisdom but it's just really shit isn't it?

[lcoxwell]

I am sorry you are feeling down today. It just sucks, doesn't it? Things like this happen all the time, for me. I will have an "off" day, for no apparent reason. Then, when I look back I realize that this was the day when....

 

Some advice that truly helped me out was the advice to allow myself to grieve on days like today. Set aside some time, just for you, so that if you need to cry it out, you can. If you don't need quiet time for crying, then take the time to reflect on the memories and acknowledge them. If nothing else, take some time to just breathe. Focus on taking those deep, concentrated, calming breaths, that always seem to make one feel better, even if the idea of sitting and breathing sounds silly.

 

((((Hugs))))

 

[widowat33]

Thanks everyone.

Just Jen: it makes perfect sense. I think that way too, and catch myself thinking about how I have lived in our house longer without him than with him, we bought it ten months before he died..and other thoughts along those lines. I realize I probably always will.

Midnight_man: it really is shit.

Lcoxwell: I didn't really have a lot of alone time today, which I think for me is better to keep busy, but now that things have quieted down, kids are sleeping, I have been thinking about all our memories. Im in a much better state of mind tonight and I'm feeling incredibly grateful for all those memories and how blessed I was to love him and be loved by him!

It's just so hard to believe that a year is coming up, it feels like it all happened so long ago. Yet at other times it feels so fresh and like it just happened.. I always think about the many changes that have occurred over the past year, and wonder what he would think about them all. I dread Father's Day coming up for my kids, but most of all I feel sad for him. Sad that he's missing out on all of this, sad that he was cheated of a long happy life. Sad that he never got to do everything that he wanted to do. Which I suppose gives me some kind of motivation to strive for happiness and cross things off of my bucket list as we never know how long we will be here. But for tonight I will just think of him and how lucky I was that he was mine!