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  • Date Widowed
    June, 2013
  • Cause of death

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  1. I wonder how much of this thread is 'just' venting (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol). Portside's post brings this to mind because all we mostly see here is one side. So yeah, a lot of the significant others don't look so great here and from the outside it seems like many are acting like louts. But the post immediately above this one shows that both sides can contribute to relationship problems. Not to pick on ya, trying3breathe, but it was refreshing to see you admit you are excluding him as well. Maybe others on this thread are culpable but it's rare for us (as humans) to admit our own mistakes, so as a result the NGs (not a fan of that term) look like crap and then everyone joins in. Not sure what my point is here, but I often wonder how many complaints could have been made about first marriages while they were going on compared to the post-widow relationships we read about here. It seems that many hold their marriages as the gold standard that nothing else can measure up to, but maybe that's just the way I'm reading them. Or maybe it IS just venting...
  2. serpico

    Grade 3 inoperable glioma

    My friend is being brought home today for his final days/weeks. The family has been praying for either a miracle or a quick and painless end, and it looks like they're going to get the latter of the two. I hope to spend some time with him this weekend. It's so strange that he's walking and talking and mostly making sense but they say he could literally go at any time.
  3. serpico

    Off Topic - Collection Agency

    I would recommend talking to them if only to confirm there is actually no reason for them to be calling you. If you don't owe them anything you don't have anything to lose, and hopefully they'll stop calling once you've cleared things up. Full disclosure: I'm a banker and I occasionally have to make collection calls. It is a tremendous source of frustration when people who I have a legitimate reason to talk to try to avoid me.
  4. serpico

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I guess if his intended audience likes to dress up like Prince Eric?
  5. serpico

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I tried also. Like, OMG, WTF, SMH
  6. Heres the another viewpoint: kids (depending on their ages, of course) aren’t equipped to deal with their widowed parents’ dating lives. They don’t necessarily need to know, and it’s perfectly okay for you to be non-transparent about what you do on your own time.
  7. Have you considered that your less-than-optimal post-loss experience (which you have documented many times here) may be coloring your opinions on this topic?
  8. serpico

    For those further along (5+years)

    What a hopeful message that is! I've seen widows and widowers who seem to want to cling to their grief almost as if it's their only link to their lost loved one. I'm not criticizing them, as we all have different needs, but I've never been interested in taking that approach. From early on my goal was to break through the tough times, and that impatience probably stalled my healing a little, but I've never wanted to hold onto my grief like a talisman. We were put on this earth to live!
  9. serpico

    The new website is up and running!

    Any particular reason why we can’t edit a post after the magic 30 minute mark?
  10. serpico

    Jealous Dudes

    Miz, you've captured my wife's feelings almost to a T. I don't get it, but I also see it as valid. It drives her nuts to see the 'statues' of my first wife around town (NOTE: a couple small plaques and our family pic on her headstone, but she likes to exaggerate ) and she can get downright surly when people gush too much about what a great person she was. I'm hoping it lessens with time...
  11. serpico

    First sex after a loss?

    Totally normal. And a bit humiliating, for a guy at least At least that's what some friends told me it was like
  12. serpico

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    If you husband had died six months ago I would agree that you are moving too fast, but a six month relationship this far into widowhood seems like a pretty sturdy base from which to move forward. i noticed that your daughter started with the disrespect before you brought up the possibility of him moving in, so it seems that she doesn’t want you even getting close with someone. That’s a fair way to feel, I guess, but it doesn’t excuse her being disrespectful. i don’t agree with the advice that your kids should come first. You are the head of the household and you get to decide how things get done. I’m assuming you haven’t taken up with a louse here, and I imagine your daughter would have issues with any man you got close to. That’s problematic, but it’s something she’s going to have to work out. I like the idea of insisting on counseling unless she starts being more respectful. She has some sort of unresolved problem, and as a parent it’s your job to help her fix the problem, not to cater to her wants.
  13. serpico

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    There's your hint. I would definitely ask him about the age thing - it may be interesting to find out his answer. Maybe he simply entered something incorrectly on the dating app/website? I do find the comments about one lie begetting other lies to be humorous. Who among us has never lied? Does that make us all serial liars? If I get a traffic ticket does that mean I have total disregard for all laws? And his 'lie' (if it was indeed a lie) couldn't have been counted on to deceive you for long - he'd had to know that you would find out sooner than later he's older than he said he was.
  14. serpico

    Committed But Not Married (Long)

    As a wise person stated in another thread, you can call yourself what you want, but don't be surprised if someone disagrees or tries to correct you. Maybe that wouldn't bother you - it's totally your call. I don't subscribe to the 'they are just words' theory. Words are meant to have meaning, and if I'm not married I just can't see myself telling people that I am. I would consider that to be a lie. None of these thoughts are meant to discourage you from doing whatever it is you want to do. I'm just pointing out my feelings on the matter. We have a legal definition of marriage in this country, and there are legal pros and cons that go along with being married. I understand wanting the pros without taking on the cons, but life isn't always that simple.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    June, 2013
  • Cause of death

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