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Captains wife

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  • Date Widowed
    May 16, 2012


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  1. Captains wife

    3 things I did today

    I’m on my own this weekend as my son is at his grandmothers. So today I a) set up an outside projector and screen in my son’s new playhouse. b) finished weeding the backyard garden. c) worked on finding help for my son’s at home schooling.
  2. Captains wife

    My Little Rant.....

    Ugh - I’m starting to look again at online dating since my post widow relationship didn’t work out. I was aggressively jumping into online dating a few years ago...now I just don’t want to go through this online game playing again. Maybe older and wiser....Guess that also means I’m not ready yet. Especially during COVID! Do people wear masks on their dates? And guys demand kisses in the middle of an epidemic? Ugh
  3. Thanks Tybec for sharing. I can relate. I do think the difficulty is exacerbated by being a widow. I read a really interesting article in the Guardian a while back (wish I had saved the link) about how blending relationships often fail - esp if only one person is divorced- because the new partner’s needs are continually ignored and as humans we all have needs. Certainly my son too has needs - not just his. The successful blended families are those where the parents can openly talk about difficult issues, and collectively come to some mutually agreeable plans with regards to exes and the children. Of course there has to be compromise (usually moreso by the new partner) but I believe it can’t be all one-sided. I wish everyone the best who are also dealing with this in their post widow relationships.
  4. Tybec- could you please send this to the guy I’ve been dating? Lol He parents out of divorce guilt with very limited discipline and limited boundaries with ex. It creates a lot of issues in our relationship. He doesn’t want to take my input, to understand my point of view on how his divorce drama makes me feel (although I’m always supporting him/his son through the divorce drama) or talk about tough topics related to our relationship, parenting. Instead of working as a team, he just does what he wants and my son and I have always been coming last in priority in recent months. We are in the criticizing and avoiding stage unfortunately now as a result. You will likely see me in the dating section soon unfortunately. Just taking some downtime now 😢.hope everyone else is doing well...
  5. Similar feelings here...I am with you Sugarbell. There is a small piece of me that Longs for that togetherness I felt when I was married but I’m realistic about my current conditions.
  6. Captains wife

    And it is okay to just be right now......

    Great post - I did have some guilt about this a while ago as I’ve given up my workouts amongst other things that needed to get done. But recently I’m just trying to get through each day given my heavy work schedule and homeschooling an 8 yr old at the same time! And making sure we have enough food and other items. And I don’t feel guilty about the rest- I do feel like I’m in full on day by day survival mode right now : )
  7. Abitlost - my bf (of a few years) and I are social distancing...seems weird. His ex and his son and his mother are part of his current COVID social circle. I’m social distancing apart with my son and parents. It makes me realize who my “real family” is in these stressed times and while it feels weird to be stuck at home all day, it just reminds me of my early widow days where it was just my son and I against the world...just like now. And I’m honestly ok with it.
  8. Captains wife

    A Return To Car Crying

    Im so so sorry Bunny...going through losing someone you love from cancer once is quite enough but I think why twice (for you). Honestly it’s not fair even if it is life. I also look at the world differently and am stronger after losing a husband suddenly and raising a baby alone. Nothing surprises me any more. But the crying is a way of your body dealing with heavy stress and sadness as you are going through now. Even though you are being very strong right now - for you and your boyfriend. I also hope that you and your boyfriend have many more years together.
  9. Captains wife

    Broken Heart.

    Lisa best, I am so sorry - at 2 years out, it was still very tough for me....Im doing much better now (at 8 years) but I remember what 2 years felt like. Take comfort in your kids, seek outside support (You are not alone! We are here). I too also found myself re-evaluating my life - and took a few new turns that I probably wouldn't have as a widow. Be good to yourself and wish you all the best. This is NOT an easy path but we need to trudge through it to get to a better place.
  10. Captains wife

    Other Single Moms

    We live in a small town where there are very few single moms - and Ive also had a hard time connecting. I am sorry that divorce situations are hard and their own kind of loss but I get tired of listening to mums who complain about their significant other and vice versa. I also notice a lot of the married moms don't actively include my son and I - a lot of them they are friendly but all their friends are married. Plus added to that I am a single, slightly older working mum with a quirky(but great) child so its very hard to find people that identify. It took us a while and I kept working at it but I do now have a few mums I can text for playdates etc (single and not single). I also have a few widow single mums who I am friends with - and I wish they lived closer! keep working at it - and looking for those connections. Even if you don't have a really close friendship with the mum, your children can develop friendships through it. Also are there are any widow groups in your area? that might be a way to make a connection.
  11. Captains wife

    3 things I did today

    1. Working at home today and feeling ready for a big presentation. 2. Taking “me” some time this week to think about next steps for my relationship. 3. Keeping to my new diet- woo hoo!
  12. Captains wife

    7 years today

    I understand these writings.....very much. You have so much on your plate with 4 kids and a business.....as many of us have found, its hard to recouple especially when life is so busy. Almost 8 years here and Im only raising one child but its been tough with my work and child and living out in the suburbs. I have a decent social life but find myself wanting to stay home more and hang with my son and focus on work. My personal life, in terms of recoupling, has not been what I would call successful. But I am thankful to be in a better place than I used to be and happy that my son are happy together, despite our loss. BTW - You are doing a great job with your kids - hugs to you.
  13. Captains wife

    Thanks to my fellow wids

    Im so thankful we are all here to support each other - we have been reading each other's stories (sometimes) for years. It is a place, even almost 8 years on, I come back to - to get support but also to support others. Tybec - honestly, good for you for recognizing that you can care about someone but when you aren't being treated as you want/need it is important to move forward. Break-ups are super tough (Ive been through one since being widowed and may be on the brink of another one) but you come out stronger on the other side, more sure about what you want. And, as you noted, it is NOTHING compared losing a partner/parent. Wishing you all the best,
  14. Captains wife

    Engaged

    Yeah! Congrats!! So happy for you..we’ve been on this board for about the same time period and I’m really pleased about this announcement : )
  15. Captains wife

    Marriage after widowhood

    Excellent news ! Wishing you all the best as you continue to move forward. I'm so happy to see you are both doing the work and communicating.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    May 16, 2012


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