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Captains wife

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  • Date Widowed
    May 16, 2012


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  1. Captains wife

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    I will try for this! Will keep you posted
  2. Captains wife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    Thank you for hosting ! And reading the lovely tribute...
  3. I'm with you on this one Sugarbell....I feel very similar. Some friends of mine think its "odd" that I don't pine for marriage but the reality is that I don't, not this late in life with all its complications. I tried to explain to my NG that I'm actually being very thoughtful of everyone (us, our kids) by NOT wanting to get married right now, given the complications it would bring to the picture.
  4. I love reading posts like this- thank you for sharing
  5. Captains wife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    Anything in particular we can bring ?? I will probably get there in the afternoon so will bring nibbles and wine
  6. Captains wife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I am going to be in the Boston area that weekend so am going to try and drive for a visit on Apr 6th.
  7. Captains wife

    TRUTH: It doesn't always get better for everyone!

    Ok - I wasn’t being judgemental or trying to be hurtful and was honestly trying to be helpful. If I’d gone through what you did I would feel angry. But if my support isn’t helpful I’ll take it elsewhere.
  8. Captains wife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I may be away the weekend of Apr 6th...But not sure yet. Will try to make either of the Apr dates work
  9. Tybec - all that sounds good. And I think its GREAT that you have developed another social outlet such that you are not 100% dependent on NG. Ive been reading up on the balance of dating divorced men with kids and its important to have your own life (and own social outlets) as your significant other has other responsibilities. I think that's particularly important when exes, kids, custody battles take a lot of NG's time.
  10. Captains wife

    TRUTH: It doesn't always get better for everyone!

    That is ALOT to go through....I'm very very sorry. When things unravel (and it sounds like you have had more of your fair share of negativity and toxic people in your life) I would suggest trying to take a step forward, slowly and take one step at a time. I understand your anger (as is clear in your post) so maybe find an outlet for that - therapy, running, kick boxing...something to get those frustrations out. (It helped me a lot). Do you have some local friends or church or support group who could be your support system now? I would also express to your children how hurt you feel from their behaviors. Please be good to yourself and try and find ways that you can heal from all of this. Its more than anyone should have to take on.
  11. Captains wife

    What to do for my husband’s Anniversary

    I have been honoring our "sadiversary" every year since he passed away. Because he was a captain, we (my young son and I) write a message in a bottle and throw it into the ocean (local to us) then we sit on his memorial bench and talk about him - and then do something fun for both of us. I like to keep it close with just my son and I but involving other family and friends sounds like a lovely idea.
  12. Captains wife

    New loss, old pain

    Im so sorry Trying ! That loss must be very triggering as well.....I'm not really religious but it comforts me (and my son) to think about heaven or an afterlife and that's where our loved ones are, and meeting everyone else there.
  13. First of all I'm sorry you had to join us on here as a young widower. It cannot be easy trying to raise 2 teenage girls on your own but it does sound like you are doing a wonderful job. And there will be a lot of bumps in the road - after such a massive loss for all of you. Getting outside support and support groups for your girls is a smart path to take. It will help that they have another grief outlet with other teenagers who have been through such a tragic loss as well as the support from professionals. My son was only a baby when his Dad suddenly died so my circumstances are different - interestingly, a grief therapist for kids (that I consulted) told me that grief is more severe when children lose a parent later in their life; for kids that lose a parent before they have an established memory have a more prolonged sense of grief and a different degree of grief. A few things that I have learned as a mother trying to raise a young boy - I learned I am never going to be able to replace what a father figure might have done but I do get actively involved as I can in his activities (e.g. Scouts) and that has been a real bonding experience and I have really stepped up to find activities to do with him so we can have fun together. I have helped foster a good relationship between my son and my ex-in laws so my son is very close to my brother in law. Having a male to hang out with and bond with has been helpful for him. I don't let my son use his Dad's death as an excuse for bad behavior - even if he gets upset with me. I do think its important to parent and not just parent on emotions. I also let my son see if I am very sad about missing his Dad and I encourage him in return to talk openly about his grief and his feelings. I also remind him constantly that despite our significant loss we have a lot to be thankful for and I try to put my grief in check sometimes to focus on the positive for him. Wishing you all the best,
  14. Captains wife

    Last name change

    I actually kept my last name when I got married BUT my son got my husband's last name....I want him to keep it but I am trying to convince my son it would be a good idea to hyphenate his Dad's last name with my last name. But right now (as a young boy) he just wants to keep his Dad's last name so I am going to keep that course for now (and try and bring this up again when he is older).
  15. Captains wife

    Going back to work

    My work only had a 3 day grief leave!!! But my boss stepped up and said to take longer as I needed and I could work from home as I needed. I went back to work after 2 weeks as I found focusing on something else besides obsession about my husband's sudden death (and I was obsessing) helped. I too needed the pay to keep up with the mortgage etc. I was very lucky too to have my mum temporarily move in and help with my baby son (at the time). I am in a research job, however, and I did find that even weeks after I went back, I would break down and cry at my desk and end up in the bathroom. I was able to juggle because I do a lot of solitude work in research - if I was in a different job of working with the public all day etc., I would have needed a longer leave than 2 weeks. As long as you can afford it, I would take some well deserved time off (to grieve, sort out stuff) and go back to your job (or a new job) after several weeks. I think grief leave needs to change (like you said, more in line with maternity leave) !!

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    May 16, 2012


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