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Leadfeather

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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    11/27/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Christine
  • Date Widowed
    November, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Mitral valve prolaps
  • Spouse's Age
    47


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  1. Leadfeather

    Somedays are harder than others

    She is doing very well. They do not know what caused all the dizziness but it seems to have passed.
  2. Leadfeather

    Somedays are harder than others

    Do what you want to do. They are not in your shoes and while they mean well they do not know your needs as well as you do. I sold my 5 bedroom house a few years after my wife died. She did most of the yard work because she had time to do so. I could not keep it up. I tried an apartment it was fun for a while but isolating. Then I bought a much smaller house since my kids are leaving or have left the nest. It is where my fiance and I will start our new chapter together. It is your life. Make a quilt if you want to and if you can afford it hire someone to do the stuff you can or don't want to do. Sell the house when you are ready or don't if you want to keep it. After being married for 25 years, it took me a while to adjust to doing what I wanted with my life without talking it out with my partner. Remember it is your life and there is no reason you can not live it as you choose. Your late husband would want you to live a life that brings you joy. Honor his memory by doing so.
  3. Leadfeather

    Song's that bring a tear.

    new song came on as I pulled out of the driveway on the way to work. I was bawling by the time I had gone a block. Had to stop at my Fiancée’s house for a hug.
  4. Leadfeather

    In ER with Fiancé.

    She is home in bed. Nothing serious was found. Thanks for listening.
  5. Leadfeather

    In ER with Fiancé.

    I’m sitting in the ER next to my fiancé as we wait for her to get a CAT scan and other tests for the waves of dizziness she has felt today and the last few weeks. Same hospital my father died in 4 years ago. My head keeps going back to finding my wife dead in the yard. Here is hoping it is nothing but some vertigo. Not sure why I am posting but it helps.
  6. Leadfeather

    How to handle triggers?

    That looks like a really interesting book. Ordered it. Thank you for the recommendation!
  7. Leadfeather

    Anniversaries close together

    Her Birthday, Our Anniversary, and Valentine's Day all in the same week. Made it easy for me to remember the years we were together. Makes it easy for me to remember now that she is gone. 😥
  8. Fuck that I never got to say goodbye and tell her one last time that I love her. Thank you God that I had her in my life for 27 years.
  9. Leadfeather

    There are worse things than death

    I have no words.
  10. Leadfeather

    First vacation without my husband

    My boys and I went to Gilda’s Club for a while. They had weekly grief sessions, a community meal and then breaking off into groups. A group for teens, one for young adults, one for widows and widowers. It was helpful. Check and see if you have s local chapter.
  11. Thank you for the answers. It truly has been helpful.
  12. I need advice. We have had several spouses die in our family in the last 4 years. My father after a 3 week stay in the hospital. And my wife suddenly and without any warning. So I have some experience dealing with the aftermath of a death of a spouse, both as a supporter of someone suddenly bereft of their life partner and as someone who experienced it himself. My brother-in-law has been quite ill for several years. This week they finally got a definitive diagnosis and it is not good. His life, the life of my sister and their young daughter are severely impacted by his illness both now, and in the shorter time it means he will be here with them. For all intents and purposes she is a single parent to their daughter, the primary caregiver for him, and a full time professional. I can see she is very tired and very emotional and has been for a long time. Is this subform a good place to send her? Should I even bring up the thought of her already visiting a site for widows and widowers? Quite honestly, I think with the deaths of a significant family member every few years in our family I, and other members of my extended family have a bit of "death fatigue" we do not want to look toward a future with another widow in our small family club. Since my wife died I am also much less emotional about others dying, and that is not what she needs. I want to send her here if it might help emotional and practically. But I have no experience with knowing in advance that my spouse will in all likelihood die well before I do. Thanks
  13. Trying, We are experiencing a similar resistance with some of my fiance's adult children. A simple rule of thumb she is applying is that if her children are not willing to allow her to dictate who they are in a relationship with, then they have no right to dictate who she is in a relationship with. I have met her children a few times. I really like them. I hope someday to relationship with them, but at the moment that is not how things are playing out. I have faith that time will make it better. I wish you all the best.
  14. She decided to drop out of the online dating site 3 days after she joined. I convinced her to let me keep emailing her which we did for several weeks. Long daily emails. I am thankful for C.S. Lewis because my quoting him in one of those emails made her decide she wanted to meet in person. That first meeting was very awkward for both of us. She couldn't eat and had a hard time looking me in the eye. While I ate, she had a tea she did not touch. She started opening up about her past--talking about how her husband treated her and the kids. He was a covert narcissist. She didn't used that term then, but I have a brother who is estranged from the family and I recognized the things she was describing and asked if her ex was a narcissist. We went for a walk side by side, I really wanted to hold her hand but could tell that she was not ready. Bought us some chocolate, which she did not eat. Then took her home hoping she would go out with me again as I could see the woman she was under all the hurt. She almost didn't agree on a second date but I am charming, attractive and very very humble.🤣 And a few days later we went for a walk along Lake Michigan, then dinner and a second walk along the pier. It grew from there. It was not always easy early on. But we are both very good an understanding each other and letting each other grieve. Her for the marriage she thought she had that never really was, and me for the marriage and woman I lost to death. I watched her heal and grow back into a strong vibrant woman. She was ground down by the man who was supposed to love and cherish her and I am angry at him for several reasons. Because her hurt her so deeply. Because he hurt her children. And because he had a living wife and casually sacrificed their marriage on the altar of his ego. But yes,persistencee was needed in those early months, so that she could see that I was genuinely who I appeared to be.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    11/27/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Christine
  • Date Widowed
    November, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Mitral valve prolaps
  • Spouse's Age
    47


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