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rifatheroffour

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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    1-13-2013
  • Cause of death
    Interstial Lung Disease/Breast Cancer
  • Spouse's Age
    0


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  1. rifatheroffour

    Valentine's wishes

    To all my dear widowed friends, I wish you all a gentle day this Valentine's day. I used to love doing something special for my wife each year. I make chocolate for a living and always custom made something for her. Since she died I avoid our retail store on this day.
  2. rifatheroffour

    A widow for 12 day now

    I'm sorry you've had to join us here. I've been thinking about what I could post. Fairlanegirl said it perfectly! I'd like to add that if you have a chance to meet up with other wids in real life it helps immensely. I've formed some of the most rewarding friendships though here.
  3. rifatheroffour

    7 years today

    It has been 7 years since my heart shattered. She was ill but we did not expect her death at the time it came, another five to ten years and I think I would not have been as shocked when it finally came. She left me with four children to finish raising on my own, the eldest was 3 weeks from his 16th birthday and the youngest, our only girl, was 5 weeks away from being 11 years old. The last 7 years have seen so many life milestones for the four of them, 3 HS and 1 college graduation, 4 new drivers, all of them dating, some serious some not, but she never got to meet any of the significant others. There's so much of my life today that she has not had a direct connection with. I find myself feeling more and more distant from that day she left. I used to say it felt like forever and yet just yesterday at the same time. I do not feel that anymore and I don't know when that changed. It all just feels like another lifetime away. Now I find myself trudging through life trying to make the best of what I have. Work is a constant struggle to wright the ship after too much neglect by me when she died. It's getting better but it exhausts me still. My kids are all in somewhat different directions and stages between, work, college, post college, senior year HS and thier own relationships with girl/boy friends. They are all good kids, not perfect, and I'm proud of how well they've kept themselves together in spite of the challenges of losing their mother who was so involved in their daily lives. Personally I've connected with two other women since my wife died. Both I had know in my life already, in hindsight both were probably not ready for a relationship. Both made my heart skip a beat and brought joy back into my shattered heart. I miss them both for different reasons. Yet I have no drive to find someone else at this time. There is a certain numbness in my life right now. I'm not sure I have the capacity to engage my personal life until I have a more secure feeling in both the stability of my kids lives and of my work life. This flies in the face of the fact that I know all too well how short life can be and that at any moment it could all be over. But I don't seem to care about that and I'm not sure why. Thanks for listening to my ramble, there are very few places and people to whom I feel comfortable saying many of these things.
  4. rifatheroffour

    Celebrating his birthday

    We gather with friends and family at a local ice cream shop.
  5. rifatheroffour

    Just overwhelming

    I'm approaching the 7 year mark and overwhelming is a word I am very familiar with! I used to check in here regularly but haven't felt that need or have just had too much on my plate to take the time. This morning I had a very deep cry that I have not had in a long time. Not sure if it's just the closeness of the sadiversary or relief from a large project at work completed on time or the 80th birthday party for my FIL planned for 2 days before the sadiversary. No matter, it all just blends into overwhelming who I am, a widower, father, son, boss, friend, and this nagging feeling like I don't truly measure up to the standard I'd like to for any of those. I totally understand how missing a deadline could send you over the edge. It seems that even after all this time and no longer actively grieving the trigger is still there. No matter how deeply it may be buried it still gets pulled from time to time. We are forever changed by the loss of our spouse and so few truly understand how deep it runs.
  6. rifatheroffour

    RI Chocolate Bago!

    BUMPING! I'm still on for this next weekend. Please let me know here or via PM if you are interested or need an address. I'd love to see some newer faces. Getting together with other young widow/ers was one of the best decisions I made on this journey.
  7. rifatheroffour

    It's been 10 days

    Melissa, So sorry you have had to join us here but you will find many supportive voices. Take each day or even minutes one at a time. Drink water, it's easy to forget the simple things. Hug your kids and be open with them with your emotions. You will draw strength from each other. My wife died just over 6 years ago, my 4 kids were 16 to 11 at the time. Wishing you peace...
  8. rifatheroffour

    Ghosts? Spirits? Loved ones hanging around? (Am I crazy?)

    I don't think your nuts! From my own perspective I am a bit skeptical but do not rule out the possibilty. While I do not "feel" her around me the number 13 turns up in all kinds of places at coincidental times. She died on the 13th in 2013. One of our close friends is a medium and she says she is around all the time. Another friend recently came to visit and said it was odd because she didn't feel my wife's presence on this particular visit. I have no proof either way but do hope there is more and some connection.
  9. rifatheroffour

    Emotions always so close to the edge...

    I feel this way as well. It is as though I just can't go there because I believe that if do, I will never stop weeping. Yes, I also have some sense of this. For me I always thought of more like my threshold for feeling sorry for someone else is higher. Like they have to hit a certain level of pain or loss for me to register it. Writing that out makes me sound like a bit of a monster or self righteous and I rather prefer Hachi's perspective.
  10. rifatheroffour

    RI Chocolate Bago!

    It's time for another Chocolate Bago in Westerly, RI. Saturday July 27th. Chocolate factory tour around noon then bago at my house till you want or need to leave. Who's interested?
  11. I have always been in touch with emotions and certain movies etc could make me teary eyed. In the last 6 years though those emotions are so much more intense and close to the surface all the time. A simple movie with a tender moment or the right song can have me in tears. I understood why that happened early on but I would have thought over time it would get better. I can talk about my wife's story of declining health and unexpected death with a dry eye these days but show me a movie with a kid who has lost a parent or about young tender love, or an old loving couple etc and the tears just flow instantly. They are quiet tears but streaming down the cheek not just moist eyes. This never seems to end even though most days are indeed better and sometimes they are even good. I am a changed person and figuring who I am and what I truly want out of life now is such a challenge.
  12. rifatheroffour

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I will be there around noon time on the 7th.
  13. rifatheroffour

    introduce yourself here

    Hello Shawna, I'm sorry for your loss and that you have had to join us. This is a good and safe place to share with others who understand.
  14. rifatheroffour

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I can make April 7th or 13th work as well.
  15. rifatheroffour

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I could make the last weekend in March work. Sorry to hear about your new loss. You've been in my thoughts.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    1-13-2013
  • Cause of death
    Interstial Lung Disease/Breast Cancer
  • Spouse's Age
    0


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