1st Sad Anniversary

[MR]

Today is the first Sad anniversary. Started the day with ok mood but then suddenly something stuck and started crying. Have been like that for last 2 hours. Plan to go to temple with kids and pray for her peace.

Thought of sharing.

Hugs

Manoj

[Mizpah]

The one year anniversary was really hard for me.  I felt the normal grief, which doesn't alter significantly day to day, but only over larger periods of time, but I also felt - this may sound strange - grief over the end of this commonly seen "acceptable" period of mourning.  I felt exiled, like in some way, the first year, the year of firsts, was over, and I was flung out into the world and I wasn't ready yet, I wasn't done grieving so hard, I wanted to stay in the bubble.  These are all imaginary lines and boundaries, but for some reason, it hit me really hard.  I'm thinking of you.

[WifeLess]

MR,

 

The first year after my wife's death was by far the most difficult year of my life. And after passing my first sad anniversary, I took a small bit of comfort in the knowledge that somehow I had survived and in the belief that someday things would get better.

 

I wish you a measure of peace as you pass through your one year point.

 

--- WifeLess

[MR]

Thanks Mizpah and Wifeless,

Advice from everyone who is traveled the path is really helpful. Yesterday was quite bad and today is little better.

 

Manoj

[Julester3]

The girls and I visited my husband's grave the morning of his sadiversary and then went to his favorite brunch place. We then just spent the day having quality time together and just talking. The day is hard enough. Hugs to you.

[Trying]

Like most big dates I felt the lead up was the hardest followed by exhaustion for a week after then relief that I survived.  Knowing that all of the "firsts" have passed is some comfort.

[MR]

We are Hindu and so we do Cremation and thus no grave. My in-laws are visiting us from india and are staying at my place for last 2 months so went to temple and did some talking about her with them and kids. It was tough day and probably cried like I use to in the initial days.

 

Thanks everyone,

[Julester3]

You do what works, you know what I mean? Hugs for getting through the day.

[beth_krkswidow]

I have had the good fortune to have The Best Widow Grief Group EVER.  On my Sadiversary 18 people came to the cemetery with me.  They brought tables, chairs, all of Kirk's favorite foods, pictures, flowers, etc.  They asked me to tell them all of my 'Kirk' stories.  I spoke for half an hour.  There was not a dry eye there.  Then we ate and, unbelievably, had a wonderful time for over 4 hours.  One of the widows even brought her husband's bedside commode ~ with water for cleaning, TP, bags for disposing, etc.  She put that way back in the woods so no one had to leave the cemetery for any reason (everyone cleaned up after themselves, so it was always spic and span for the next user).  This group of people thought of EVERYTHING.  It was an unbelievable Turning Point for me.  I cannot stress the wonderfulness of having a support family of fellow wids.  I just hope I can be to them what they have been to me.

[beth_krkswidow]

@Trying ~ after my One Year, I said to a fellow Wid who had been widowed 2 months before I was, something akin to what you said in your post, about being relieved that all the "firsts" were done.  She looked at me sadly, and said, "Oh, Honey, your Firsts are not over."  She was right.  Since the One Year, I have made my first trip without him, gone to my first wedding without him, my first funeral (IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIS.... AAAACCKKKK), etc.  The Firsts keep coming.  Sorry to be a downer, but be prepared.  Warm hugs.

[maddalena]

to change the energy for the anniversaries, I always try to do something special. I write checks out to his favorite charities.

I rejoin clubs that he loved. I even had a mammogram on his first birthday that I had to celebrate alone.  Put positive energy into it. It has really helped me.

[MR]

I agree beth_krkswidow firsts are never going to finish.. Kids first degree etc and list keeps on going but the only thing which changes is our way of coping with them..

Manoj