Gabzmom

Gosh, I have gone from organized and neat freak to disheveled and chaotic.  I am slowly getting it together.  I have been able to get the fridge spotless and half the pantry organized.  I get the house clean and then the clutter starts to pile up again.  I am considering getting some house-keeping help.  I know I would clean before she comes and that's part of the strategy to get me moving. 

It's just me - the late owl on the chat board!

I want to throw up.  That is insulting to those fighting the fight. 

Gosh this thread is bringing me clarity.  I have felt uneasy and wondered if it were all our big events.  However, it's not so much the grief as it is toddling my way along without him.  I do have happy moments.  REALLY happy moments.  And then there are nights like tonight - watching my DD receive an award at school and performing in the school choir.  Why can't he be here with us physically?  Why? 

Sending hugs.  I have slowly changed things.  Still not able to remove his shirts from the closet.  I plan to donate the slacks to a place that offers clothes for free to those of whom are in need of clothes for work, interviewing, etc.  The shirts will evolve to quilts. 

The military flag, his ribbons, they are all in the case on the piano.  The boxes of his military things, they are in the garage.  His plaques and awards - they are in the office.  I will keep those for my daughter and mail some to his parents.  I know they will set them aside for my daughter. 

The house is changing but it's a slow process.

Sending hugs your way.  I have felt uneasy as I approach year three - I anticipated some difficulty because the events in May and June compound my sadness.  It is so hard to fathom that Rob is no longer here and we are moving from surviving to thriving without him.  The thing I didn't want to happen seems to be happening.  He's being erased and I fight that every step of the way.  Every step. 

I am so very sorry for your loss. 

Had they been able to take my husband's organs (they couldn't because he had lived in Europe in the 80's), they were prepared to harvest in the hospital he was in at the time of his death. 

Sending a hug your way. 

I found this recipe and made it.  It was delicious!  I did make a few changes:

1/2 can tomato paste

1 can organic crushed tomatoes

I used better than bouillon with two cans water

I did three swirls of the Worcestershire sauce - probably was 1 tbsp or so

Did an extra garlic

It was delicious and my daughter loved it

Eta:  forgot the link to the recipe!

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2013/01/sunday-night-stew/

Congrats, Mac!

I am so sorry that you are having to go through hateful things like that.  I hope there's a way you can sever ties with them.

HB, come back - I am back in!  LOL!

Sending you a hug.

Glad it's official.  Wish I was there to help you. I know how exhausting it can be.

Have a great time!  DH's brother and nephews live in Youngstown.  MIL is from NW PA and FIL is from Cleveland/Twinsburg.

?he were part of.  DH should have been there with us?Sigh

Just a few pics of NYC.  While the trip was about my daughter, I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to share the experience with her and to share a small part of my trip with my fellow "wids."

We went to an "Off Broadway" show and the best memory was watching my daughter's face and emotions as she sat on the edge of her seat.  After the show, the cast came out to the lobby and were so gracious as they signed her program and posed for photos. 

I have a couple of shots in Central Park - such a beautiful day to reflect on the beauty that still exists in our lives.  I was entranced by a violinist as he played under a bridge - the acoustics were fabulous. 

The last shot is of a quote I saw.  I see that maybe it might be a message to me to lighten up and to pass what I learn on to my daughter.  Her reflection is to the right of the quote and on the left is a clock. 

She made it clear that we are returning and that she is seriously considering NYU for college.  And, although it is on the other side of the continent, I am good with that. 

Spotty cell service!  And so much running!  Words don't convey how much I enjoyed meeting everyone.  I am so grateful to have met you all.  Today was emotionally difficult with our trip to the 9-11 Memorial.  I grew up feeling that home is not a place - it's a state of mind.  Being with you all was like being home.  Thank you so much for including me!

Sitting here planning with my BFF.  They wanted to get sine stuff dine in the morning.  They won't be joining us though. 

See you all soon!

I am doing last minute packing.  :

Why do I always wait?  Laundry is all done and I just have to throw stuff in my bags. 

Who do I need to PM with my cell #?

Getting so excited to meet you all - so sorry to miss those of whom can't attend!

Stumbled across the 1999 Hugh Jackman version of Oklahoma last night. Full length. I love this.

 

"Plenty of heart and plenty of hope?"

My DH has a sister whom is/has been estranged from the family for many years and for many reasons. A couple of months after DH's death, she had called our priest to find me (she had seen the obituary from her town and was HOT because his brother chose not to include her in the obit). Our priest had told her she was recognized both in the program and local obituary. He asked me if I could send her copies, which I did. I sent them from work as I didn't want her to have my personal contact information.

The sister (I will call her Jane) was seeking to reunite with her brothers (the ones Rob was raised with) and to have my daughter meet her and the "other side of the family," which included 3 half siblings. Jane had told our priest that the boys were not abandoned by their mother, (let's call her Rhonda). I told him I was surprised as no one ever indicated she had abandoned them (I had made a few connections on my own). My husband's dad was awarded custody of my husband, his brothers and sister when his parents divorced - my husband was about a year old. I think that Jane chose to live with her mom and was back and forth I think. My husband's dad (I will call him Jack) later married Mary (not her real name), whom DH considered his mother, when DH was about 4. I told our priest  that there are always two sides to every story and the truth may likely be somewhere in the middle. I also told him that he and his brothers felt no connection to the three half siblings that came along nor had they maintained a connection with his Jane, Rhonda (bio-mom) and her family. (It was sad for me because family is such a big thing for us)

I bristled at something our priest said - I think it was something about Jane saying Jack (husband's dad) had filled the boys' heads with lies. I told our priest that the next child Rhonda had was almost 18 months younger than DH. I find it hard to believe that Jack filled the boys with lies since she left and started a whole new family. It appears to me that Rhonda was in a relationship with someone else while he was still very much a baby. I told our priest that if he wanted to facilitate a reunion, then go for it but to count me out. I also told him I had no desire to establish a relationship with Jane and her siblings at the time because my concern was about my daughter's healing. Jane had drifted in and out of our marriage early on. We finally just let it all go and hadn't heard from her since about the late 90's as she had many of her own personal issues she is dealing with. So no - I did not want to introduce my daughter to virtual strangers at the time of her greatest sorrow.

Well, yesterday, I got an email at work through my work website. Jane was sending a note requesting that I contact the other part of the "super seven." Her mother is in hospice. I told her I would reach out to her brothers and let them know. I also expressed my sorrow regarding her mother's illness.

His brothers were both sad yet cold in their response and indicated no interest in reaching out to her. I feel sorry for Jane as she wants so much for them to be one big family. I had asked DH once early on in our marriage about bio-mom (and yes, that is what he called her). He said he felt how one would feel about a long lost aunt. He didn't really know her. I was sad about that thought as I could not conceive how someone could leave her baby. Yet - who knows what happened. Who knows?

I mentioned the email to my daughter - she knows of Jane and Rhonda's existence and I mentioned the half sibs. She said she was sorry Rhonda was gravely ill but she was not interested in meeting the half sibs or Jane. While my daughter is young, I felt there was no need to keep anything secret at this time (I hadn't heard back from her since the contact 2 1/2 years ago).  If in the future she chooses to reach out, then I leave that to her. 

Sigh?I think I just needed to release this and get it out of me. Whew?

LisaPop, I think the time was moved to 12:30.

The better game will be UCONN-Notre Dame women tomorrow night!

 

Maureen

Yep yep - that is what I have in my final bracket for the Women. 

I visit the cemetery on a regular basis. I have no set schedule but find that I often do go out there on our anniversary or our birthdays or yesterday for Easter. In my small community, the cemetery is just a mile down the road so it isn't a long way to go on a whim.

 

I admit that I do not go as often as I did the first couple of years but I'm more reminded of him and his presence in our home than I ever felt at the graveside. That isn't to say that I haven't felt God's comfort out there but I have always felt that hubby was Home with Jesus and that it was only his poor, battered body that was left behind.

 

I hope you won't mind me sharing a story of my first 'alone' visit to the grave after hubby's death. He was buried just before Christmas and it had been a typical Alberta winter season, not only when he died but for the weeks following. Bitterly cold, windy & snowy. As I stood at his grave that first time, shivering from the wind, I felt so alone and hopeless. So bereft. I remember thinking "how could you have left me alone, God?" And, just then, I heard a meadowlark sing. It was so incredibly cold that no other birds were in sight nor were there any other bird calls.

 

I stood several seconds in disbelief. How could I be hearing a summer bird call when all the songbirds had long flown south for winter? The thought that I was losing my mind and imagining things came to mind. Then, in all its beauty and clarity, I heard the meadowlark again. And then once more. It was impressed on me that though it was winter now, someday again it would be spring and that not only did I have the hope that I would survive this loss, I had the hope of seeing hubby again. That this was only a temporary parting. And, despite my grief, God was with me.

 

That story of hope is what I remember often when I stand at my hubby's grave.

Thank you for sharing your private moment with us.  It ' s a good reminder.

My husband was buried at the national cemetery about 30 minutes away.  We used to go nearly every week in the first year.  I learned that flags were removed except during the week(s) surrounding Veterans Day and Memorial Day.  I was determined to plant a flag each time we went and bought dozens.  I also placed them on the grave of a very loved and young son - only 21.  Initially, someone must have known and never removed the flags.

Going brought peace and comfort for myself and my daughter.  Over time, we have scaled back, particularly during the winter.  We tend to go more in the summer and we always take the dogs.  They and my daughter would sit on the grass.  I didn't know I would make that trek because I was never one for cemeteries. 

I think I find comfort in going because he loved serving in the Air Force so much and is with his comrades.