Jennica

I don't know if state to state is different but I didn't call SS for about 3 or 4 months after my husband passed and was not in a hurry to go in. I just did it so my sister in law would stop hounding me. It wasn't until 6 months after he passed that I went in to take care of it. A week sounds ridiculous. I would call and talk to them.

I have kept these comments made from this post close to my thoughts for the past few weeks. Thank you all for sharing. I think in a way I was not wanting to feel the pain, the fear of life without my husband (I still feel the need to call him my husband). When I think like that it hurts right in my chest and I have taught myself to stop that feeling by distracting myself. That is not to say that I have been numb for the past 10 months but I think I just allowed a little bit in at a time. These past few days have slowed down. I have noticed I wake up several times in the middle of the night (this never happened during school). Tears have started flowing again. The loneliness has started to set in. I was so exhausted before that I was to tired to feel that loneliness. I am taking your advice and trying to allow all these feelings to pass through. I find it hard. I had surrounded myself with my sisters and parents to occupy my kids and myself. Well today we went to the zoo by ourselves. Normally I would have asked my family to tag along but I know I need to do things alone with the kids. We did have a nice time but my son was sad at times. I don't know how many hugs I gave him but it was a lot. He held my hand at times. This never happens anymore, he is 9. He said several times he missed papa. I gave the kids pennies to make a wish and I am pretty sure he wished he would see his dad someday. If I would have had my sisters and their kids there we would not have felt all of these emotions. The kids would have been occupied with their cousins. I think we need to get use to it being a family of 4 versus a family that was 5 then jumped to 13+ which includes my parents, sisters, brother-in laws, and nieces and nephews. I am close with my family but I do not share how sad I am or how much I miss my husband. I think that has blocked my grieving process too. I learned a bit today to say the least. Thank you all. This is the only place I share my feelings.

Julester3, that is wonderful. I don't know if I will be up to doing all of that but I want to in our future. This will also be our first. We will start off by going to his grave, then visit my father-in law and then my dad.

I am only 10 months out but still want to be called Mrs. However, I am also a teacher and started a new school district right before my husband passed. I hate when I get asked by my elementary students, "Are you a Mrs. or a Ms." When I reply Mrs. I get the response, "So you're married." I just cringe. So I may just be a Ms. to avoid the questions.

So I am hitting another first - summer without my husband. My husband died 3 days into the school year. I teach and I have two in grade school and one under the age of two. We had a system and a routine, FINALLY. Now it's all screwed up. This is our first summer without him and I hate it. All I do is think about him. I am into day 4 of summer break and it sucks. Working, taking care of three kids, running around, doing everyday things well it wears you out (apparently I like that because I'm busy).Now I am just grasping at things to do and keep me busy. I hate changing who I was. I used to be a homebody. I could stay at home for days and be perfectly content. Now I need to go, get out, do something, keep busy. Why do I have to change me when I liked me just fine. In order for me to be at peace, I need to go go go or do do do. I loved sleep now I function on less sleep and seem to be fine. But now I have no job to wake up to because I'm on break and it sucks. Jennica

I read your post at the perfect time. It helps not to feel all alone. It will be 9 months tomorrow. Next month my husband would have turned 44. Our anniversary is also in June and it would be 15 years. I too think I will be alone. I met my husband at 15. We were together for 25 years. I can't believe I'm here without him. We were to grow old together. I hope to have more good days than bad... I pray to have more good days and to enjoy life versus just getting through the day or week.

I'm so glad I found this post. My husband did everything. He was the handyman, the mechanic, the lumberjack. I don't know whether to stay or not in this house. I have 9 acres, a wood burner, and a long driveway to plow. At times I am gunho to stay and take it all on. I have asked my BIL to teach me how to use a chainsaw. I will be learning this spring/summer. I need to do improvements. My husband had started but he had a long list. I want to be able to fix a lot of it myself. I have watched YouTube videos on how to change faucets and leaky pipes. That's going to be something I tackle this spring break. Loved reading the posts. It helps to know that I'm not alone.

About a month after my husband passed my daughter asked if I was going to remarry now. It blew my mind that she asked and it was so upsetting that this is what she was now worried about. I was telling a fellow co-worker this story and she responded... and laughing at the same time, well not yet anyway. I was so stunned. Some people just don't get it or something.

Well, I am 6 months out and I can tell you, for me reading your post is what I come here looking for. I want to read stories of those that can live, can enjoy life. My question I ask myself almost everyday is, will I ever enjoy life again. That's what I want. I want to be able to live in the present and not constantly look back to the past. So yes, your post matters!!! Thank you for sharing.

Thank you all so much for sharing. To hear how your children are thriving and succeeding, and just enjoying life. That's what I want for my kids. I think about how much my children have lost in losing their dad and it just gives me so much pain. I still have both of my parents and it just makes me sad sad that now they just have me. I know I can't see it yet but I pray all the time that we can enjoy this life we have. Thank you all again!! I am so happy I found this place. At time I feel so alone in this world and to come to a place like this gives me comfort.

I would love to hear stories of how your kids are doing after years of being without the other parent. I guess I'm wanting to hear how they can still thrive. It has only been 5 months and I think my kids are doing fine but then they say something and it makes my heart break. We always talk about their dad and I've never wanted it to be a bad thing even if we all end up crying. We mostly laugh. My husband was the excitement, he was the center of our world. He was the fun one and of course I am the responsible one. I have an 11 year old, a 9 year old, and a 15 month old (she was a surprise and truly a blessing especially now). I think I worry more about the middle child because he is a boy. I'm just looking for inspiration, something to hold on to.