hachi

Being a thread killer

or

reviving a dead thread

Enjoy your trip, I hope you have good weather. I'll be a few weeks behind you. Won't be seeing any of the places that DH and I visited in our time there, but will be bringing some of his remains to the Giant's Causeway, as we had always spoken of going there. And I do think you can see some of Scotland from that part of the coast...

Best,

Marie

I don't know anyone else who has their name on 2 gravestones, but I do!  Widow humor, I guess. If I marry again, my third husband is going to have to divide me in thirds!

Maureen

Indeed. I felt a little funny "like"ing that sentiment, but widow humor is what it is!

Whether or not you can work through this while still dating her is something only the two of you can decide.

This is huge.

I would always say, go with your gut.  It's rarely wrong.

Anyone still up for this, we plan to be at the park to get started by 10 AM

We're flexible. Late afternoon? Early evening? Anyone who can hike on Sunday will probably need most of Saturday to do their Sunday chores LOL

Hi Everyone,

If you are following the weather at all, you know that the forecast is cold and wet. Sunday is a little better. But  not an ideal weekend by any means. So....

Trying to come up with alternatives. I would like to have you come to my place in Atkinson, NH to hang out and visit on Saturday. If anyone is a die hard hiker, and wants to brave the mountain on Sunday, there are a couple of us that are game.... and I have room for you to stay overnight. It is 2 hours to the trailhead so we would need to leave my house by 8 at the latest to be off the mountain before dark.

I just didn't want to leave this to the last minute to put it out there...

Other ideas are welcome of course....

I am really looking forward to this. My sister lives in Dublin, not far from the park so I will probably spend the night there. Will definitely be up for sticking around.

Looking forward to this and also bringing along another widow-friend....

Mimi!

Nice to hear from the 4 year club, been wondering how you have been doing. I am glad to hear that you are still with your new guy and happy!

A cautionary tale...For me anyway,

I was married for 27 years and was an extreme caretaker for several years. I described it as "a long siege" in which I was not aware of any kind of sexual need. Early on, after my husbands death I developed a relationship with a family friend. It was terrifying and exciting. And when we did become intimate, I experienced the range of emotions that Trying spoke about. I was extremely conflicted for a long time. I did discover that I was not a FWB kind of girl either, and if I was going to be intimate with someone, then it had to be a committed relationship. So I found myself in one sooner than I wanted to be in one.

Hello there, When I look to the Sky,

Welcome to the club that nobody wants join. My husband died at the age of 50. Come here often, read, post and you will find others on your timeline who will become some of your closer connections, others further along your inspiration, and hopefully, you will see that you are not alone and that others here know something of what you are going through.

Peace,

Hachi

No one, and I mean no one can tell another person how to feel.

Amen

About feelings and being ashamed of them if you have them....

I have always believed that you can't control your feelings, you can only control what you do about them. So don't be ashamed of them, just face them and see what you are supposed to learn.

I found this article interesting, though pretty long and hard to get through.

http://pathwork.org/lectures/the-self-regulating-nature-of-involuntary-processes/

About depression and choosing to be sad. I am not sure if this is an unfortunate choice of words. April said that she can't understand it and that is pretty clear in this statement:

" I hope if I ever do find myself within those dark shadows with no will to go on that I take the proper steps to get myself help.. "

In my experience, when you are in this place, you can't get out of bed, let alone seek help... 

I think I can make this! 

I too feel a sense of normal coming here.  Just today I was feeling like I'm living in this bubble of unreality and feel a tad crazy. Like, how can this be my life?  Really?  Why? 

Thank you all for not making me feel crazy! Hugs ❤️

Ditto

Come on everyone! Don't be scared, anyone can hike Mt. Monadnock!

http://www.monadnocktravel.com/mountain-hiking-climbing-mt-monadnock.html

"Even the novice hiker can enjoy this mountain hiking experience to get a glimpse of the breathtaking 100 mile views of six New England states with little New England towns, ponds, rivers and forests covering the land."

Nuggets, I still want to be you when I grow up!

I started a new job on Jan 4. It was very difficult to give my notice. The company I had worked for for the past 4 years did not know a thing about me when my husband died, but they were very good to me. The only awful thing was that after 4 years, I knew that I would never come to love my job there. I was also a bit said saying good bye.

It lasted until the first day of my new job! I have been here 5 weeks now and I know I made the right choice,

Good luck with your day...

((Trying)),

My periods of being unhappy with myself came and went. I first tried to distract myself and was pretty successful, like you. I made some excuses. I didn't really do anything about it either. But eventually, I was unhappy enough to get started in a positive direction. Better health habits, counseling, new job.  Setting boundaries was pretty huge for me.  I was finally able to lose the guilt over the things I had no control over and be honest with myself about what I was capable of doing and wasn't.

It was and is a long process. It sounds to me that's where you are, as well. You have been making these changes and will continue to do so. But it just takes time and hat is frustrating when we just don't know how much time there really is.

Living in the present.  Sounds so easy, eh?

We had lots of time to 'prepare' but the truth is, nothing prepared us for this.

Come here often. And go very easy on yourself. Some days, you just don't need to put pants on...

Hi Trying,

Lots of good advice here. I would only add one thing. If you haven't contacted your local NAMI chapter, you might want to look into their "Family to Family" programs for yourself. It was life-changing for me. It is a bit of a time commitment, but for anyone who has a loved one with depression, bi-polar, OCD, or any other MI, the support and resources are very, very good.

It is more common than you think for families to observe two different traditions. The kids seem to take it in stride and make their own decisions later. I have to say, as a recovering Catholic, while I miss the tradition and mystery of the Catholic Church, I do not miss the rigidity in the rules. I have always felt that they sort of missed the boat there. Refusing to baptize babies and generally not welcoming those of other Christian faiths seems a little "un"christian to me. I understand your fiance's feelings.

In the end, in my opinion, you are still worshiping the same God. Debating transubstantiation is always fun though!

how about 'emergency contact,' that is a certain level of commitment too.

Oh yeah, I really like this one!