hachi

October 17 or 18 would be okay for me. Maybe the 25th.

My new guys niece posted this on his FB page after we were with her last weekend. She said "I have a nice picture of you from my wedding!" I was a little shocked to see how happy I looked. I do remember having a nice time dancing....

This makes me smile. How wonderful, indeed, Mac. I am very happy for you. I have had similar feelings when someone is comfortable sharing stories, and I especially love hearing them from others perspectives. It makes me feel like I am still having new experiences with him, in a way.

I so wish I could make this. The closest bago to me yet (well except for the one at my house  8) )

But, not to be. Have the gang coming up to the mountains over the long weekend so I will be away... have fun!

From his perspective, as long as I am coming here, he is sharing me with Kenneth, and he doesn't want to share anymore.

 

This is the part that bothered me, and I hope they are your words, not his, because if they were his, my response to that would be "well, I don't want him to be dead anymore. However, the fact is, he is dead. Another fact is, he will continue to be a part of my life until I am dead. Maybe not the biggest part, but a part, nonetheless. " 

One of the things my daughter was worried about with my New Guy was whether or not he was genuine in his understanding and support. "Anyone can be on their best behavior til they get what they want." were her words. As time has passed, I have trusted him more, not less with my feelings. He knows about this site, and often I read him things that I find interesting and that I think will give him perspective. He would no more ask me to walk away from it than he would ask me to walk away from my children or any other part of my life.

I hope that you can get through this together, and reach a resolution that makes your relationship stronger without sacrificing part of yourself.

There is nothing magical about 12 months.

This is true.

I met my New Guy early on as well. Looking back, I think that I feel it was too soon, but time has been our friend. Even at three years, it's complicated, but for me, having him is better than not. My grief and love for my LH is separate, but still ever present. Only you know if it is too soon.    I don't think I ever felt ashamed of being with New Guy, but I did feel that I couldn't possibly know if it would last because it was so soon.

As I said, even though it was a little rocky, time has been our friend and he is a pretty special guy.

I am so sorry, MS, it does, indeed just hurt terribly. They ask so little of us and give us so much joy. It is so hard to lose them.

I just took the password off, so you should be able to get in now if you want to try again.

Hey Donna,

I get this. In the first years my BIL and I were thick as thieves. Checking on each other all of the time. Dropping things at a moments notice to do something crazy like drive to Canada to spread some of DH's ashes at their mother's grave and their childhood places.

We are both in relationships now, and I adore his girlfriend. I guess I had visions of the four of us doing things together more often, but it seems that we can't pull it together. They have other friends that they are always doing things with, and I feel excluded unless I call and weasel an invitation out of them. I've done it a few times and it has always been really fun, but I just wish they would initiate more often.

But do feel the green monster when I hear that they have gone off with their other friends and didn't think of us. Feel  ya girl, for what it's worth.

My coping mechanism is much like yours, I turn off as much of this as possible. It is a huge pet peeve of mine when people post such nonsense. Sleeping at the foot of your son's bed will not prevent his getting bashed in the head with a shovel the week he eludes you and spends the night out in the woods at a popular hang out. The times I have gently corrected people about living with MI the response is a "deer in the headlight" look. They just don't realize how simplistic and ridiculous their "feel good" posts are.

It feels to me like they are saying "there, I did my part" when they post this bull$#!t when in fact they have done nothing to educate themselves about the reality of living with depression, bi-polar, schizophrenia, addiction.

Once in a blue moon I will post a link to NAMI, but other than that, I just realize that you have to pick you moments to educate those who might actually want to hear how they can "do something" and know when to ignore those who will never do more than post.

Rode my motorcycle to work this morning after finally getting it fixed. Beautiful morning, 18 mile putt. 35 mph the whole way. Perfect way to start the day.

Hey Riff,

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, but really glad you are letting it out and not cramming it down and sucking it up the way you usually do. I think when we are caught up in our obligations and letting our own needs simmer on the back burner, it is bound to catch up with you.

With four teenagers and a business to run, I have often wondered how you keep it all together. Now I know (LOL) the same as some of the rest of us. You know that my kids are older and out of the house, so I am in total awe that you do what you do. I think you are entitled to rant and let go of the guilt. You are doing an amazing job.

I think maybe this is just a double whammy for you after having a little time to yourself. I know I feel a little more like this than usual after escaping for a while....

(( hugs ))

Are you talking August or Sept?

dontmesswithjess

Ha! I see what you did there!

I don't think it is weird or cruel. Speaking the truth can be cruel, but it doesn't mean that it isn't the truth and needs to be spoken. If that is what you need to do to let it go, I think you should. I also think you can forgive someone and still suffer hurt from their actions.

Maybe the idea of burying the letter is like burying your anger. How about burning the letter and burying the ashes of it?

Too many great restaurants in Portsmouth to list! Lot's within walking distance of Prescott Park.

Other places that are easy to park, The Portsmouth Brewery is fun. I like Paddy's American Grill at the Pease Tradeport.

Absolutely!

Jeanne,

What is your user name? You can add me as a friend, I am mlaurence03

Ha, MFP (myfitnesspal) says if every day were like today, I would weigh 120 lbs in 5 weeks. Ha ha, I only have to hike 8 miles and sweat my U know what off, and eat frozen grapes and apples every day!

I could do that, if the company was always so great and I didn't have to work for a living!

Will be thinking of you today, Maureen.

I guess it was the broad generalizations that got me.  "let go of regrets".  You can't tell me how? offer suggestions? include others experiences?

I think you have to buy the book for that 

Thanks for the replies -- and for understanding. I can always count on you guys totally "getting it." I've been in such a funk the past two days. It's like I retreated back to the beginning. Losing focus at work. Just feeling "eh." Thank goodness for MrDrew in my life. Without him here, I think I would have fallen to pieces again. I don't think anybody else wants to hear me lament about things related to the loss of my spouse anymore. Family, friends... they figure I should be past all that now.

 

Do we every get "past" it?

Hi Donna,

I am sitting at my desk this morning feeling much the same way, WTF?  I am a complete mess and I just want to go home and cry. I was fine and then - boom - not. I woke up this morning hungover enough for the first time in my life contemplating calling in sick because I drank the whole damn bottle of wine. Instead of working, I am surfing the internet for noontime AA meetings. I feel totally out of control.

Sorry to hijack your post. We filled in our pool when the house burned and while we had some great memories, we made the right decision, kids were too old to be interested in using it.

Shit, today, I even miss complaining about the pool with him.

Call it vinegar! It could be.....

Some of you know my story with my son. Due to his behavior over the past few years, the relationship between him and my daughter has been a little rocky.  He called her last week and invited her to dinner (I go to visit him after work on every other Wednesday when I can)

It was the first time he had called her in years, and the first time she had ever been to his house. It was really wonderful to be together there, and truly a milestone in their relationship.

Maureen,

I am so glad you have Rosie with you. I don't miss the anxiety attacks, and the helpful "you just need to relax" comments when I was feeling like I was going to crawl out of my skin.

I can so relate to your feeling of missing John as you explore these places. I had similar feelings on my trip, and scattering his remains in the places he meant to take me to was heart-wrenching. I don't think I felt that I was leaving him behind, so much as wistful about how it might have been had we been there together as we had intended.

Please don't blame your niece too much for the pictures. The Grand Canyon was beyond words to describe and I don't think even the most professional photos I have seen succeed in capturing the absolute glory of the place.

Thinking of you on your journey, Maureen (( ))'s..

BTW, don't let your nieces appearance of lack of inspiration fool you. 14 year olds rarely reveal what is really going on in there.