jgib

Thank you Mike.

I know your advice wasn’t for me but I am going to give your words the weight they deserve.

Trying2breathe, my NG is a Bears fan. Poor guy. 🤣

 

Here's another perspective to dating. One of my girlfriends asked me if I met my LH now would I have dated him? I told her I would like to say yes, but I don't know. He honestly wouldn't have had much time to date between work and kids.  What do you think? Would you date your LH/LW if you met at this point in your life?

Yes, I so would.  Still found him crazy attractive and we had so many things in common.  Same morals and values and his smile across the room would still make me blush after 20 years.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

There are better days ahead.

I was lucky in the fact that I did most of the household and planning things.  He worked very long hours as we ran cattle properties.  I tried very hard to cover all things so when he did have time we were able to spend it together doing what we enjoyed.

What I find most difficult now, with the whole division of labour thing, is if I am sick.  There is nobody to pick up the slack.  I have simplified things a bit but at first I had a barn full if horses and a few dogs that had to be cared for no matter what.  I was so sick one time I was out feeding the horses and cleaning the stalls vomiting away.....it was all just a daze for about 3 days......

I have learned the person I depend on is me and I try to organize things now a little differently.

I am going to make an opposite suggestion to what T2Bthought it may be..... perhaps she has decided that she does not want to continue to see where it will go with you both and is trying to give you a soft exit.

Or perhaps she does have a lot on her plate right now and she is finding she does not have the energy to develop a new relationship.  It does take a lot of energy!  My suggestion is a polite message to say ‘thanks for letting me know, if you ever want to reconnect feel free to text.’  Or something along those lines.  Oh, and that is if you don’t want to just call it quits right away.

I believe, either way, she is sending you a message that some space is needed whether for a short time or permanently.

hugs and my thoughts are with you

I don’t think this is for me.....I am feeling far too much pressure from him. 

He says he is willing to go slow but obviously his slow is too fast for me! 

Maybe I just am not feeling it for him as much as he is feeling it for me?  I feel manipulated to say and do things I don’t really want too.  It is not a good feeling.

Thanks for all your feedback about what I was experiencing, too bad it isn’t going to work out.

Virgo, I am the same as you, I prefer to date one person and get to know them. 

I am going to say something different in your situation.  I think you should date both for a little bit.  You will know pretty quickly which direction is best for you.  One, the other or maybe neither of them.......

We have had a difficult winter here.  It came early and we have gotten a lot of snow and cold in the last 2 weeks.

Sure wish it was over already!

Thank you all very much for your replies!  I am sure I will read them all again in the days to come.....

I did ask and I am open to hearing all sides and feedback.  Everyone has experiences to draw from!

So I have met someone.  It has not been that long and we have only met in person once but we are in contact A LOT.

I like him so far. Definitely an attraction as well.  He is very keen.....

We have a few philosophies that we have different opinions about that may cause some trouble down the road but he seems flexible.  We also have many things in common, especially the lifestyle we like to live.

He is fairly newly separated, just over a year, but says the divorce will be through this summer.  The ex doesn’t sound crazy at this stage.....

The 2 daughters and the ex know he is dating and he says they are ok with it.  We have agreeded to converse only with each other until we see where this leads.

He knows I am a widow and thinks he knows that the circumstances will be unique.  I am not sure he really understands though.....but he sounds open.

I can feel myself pulling back and putting up some walls.  What if I hurt him....what if he hurts me.....  I never thought anyone would like me as much as DH did and this guy seems to like me a lot.  Can I trust it, will it last? 

I can’t move too fast and he says that’s ok.  I don’t want to put on the brakes so much I mess it up but there is so much going on in my head.....  What if he is too nice and easy going and I take advantage of that, I truly don’t want that too happen.....

Why am I having so much trouble just being in the moment and enjoying what is happening?  I am also having trouble sharing my thoughts and feelings with him as it makes me feel very vulnerable, I don’t like that!!

The 4th sadiversary is at the end of this month.  Never an easy time, how do I explain that?

Thanks for listening to my ramble.  I have not shared all this with anyone else yet.  I appreciate being able to do it here.

Fuck the sadiverary that is coming up at the end of the month.  Rocks me every year even though this will be the 4th one......

Lol, that’s not good.......given the trend.....

Finished up some last minute shopping with a friend.  Took the dogs to the dog park in the dark, they like that for some reason.....  Came home and cooked a little roast I shared with the dogs, tried to find something decent I hadn’t watched yet on Netflix, failed.  Watched a dumb movie, snuggled with the dogs and then went to bed early.

Underwhelming is a good word.....

(Forgot to say I had a little cry when with the friend, they still sneak up on me sometimes.)

Hmmmm.....pirates and parrots, you seem to have a bit of a theme going! 

Thank you.  I have heard it is a fearful thing to love what death can touch but not the entirety.

Heard one yesterday that I liked....

“To be, to know, to lose.”

Thank you.

This is a special gift you have given us.

I still have some of his aftershave.  I can’t get it in Canada, so I save the bottle and bring it out and smell it when I am really lonely......

KK thank you.  It is nice to know it is not just me!

I have dabbled a little with the online thing.  Early on I met someone that turned into a very good friend, we are just not romantically inclined.

I have met with about 5 others, in the past 3 years.  There has either been no attraction for me, or for them.  Some get way to invested and into it before we even meet.  That totally freaks me out!  I screen pretty hard and just meet with the ones that appear to be a good fit.

I try to respond to all that message me, as I feel that is polite.  Many are what I consider too old.  I am 53 and many are over 60.  I don’t think I want to go there.  DH was 3 years younger then me and I look and act young for my age.  Don’t get me wrong, I am no cougar, but close to my age would be nice.

I think much of the trouble I am having at the moment is that I am quit heavy.  I gained after I lost my husband and have not lost it yet.  I keep thinking that someone will be able to see past that, but I think I am fooling myself now.  I am very open about it and up front but it seems to be a deal breaker when we meet.

I started to get my confidence back last year, took me over 2 years to feel that way, and the online dating gives it a real knock around.  I am very independent and maybe it will be just me from now on, but I do miss having a connection with someone.....

I have not been lucky enough to score a pirate yet KK, you are one up on me there!

Very sorry for your loss.  I took 3 months off and went back part time.  I had to move house and towns so I too some extra time to get settled.

It was almost a year before I went back to full time work.  Put a strain on my finances but it was worth it.

When I slammed the truck door...

When I made loud, clicking noises putting the dishes away....

When I procrastinated or was late.....

When I couldn’t understand why he admired, loved and appreciated me so much.....

Congratulations, good job, well done!  From what you have said it is truly the right move. 

The future is ahead, eyes forward, let the adventures begin.....

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”  Mitch Albom

How perfect?

Go for it, Leadfeather!  Go for it! 

If you get to Western Canada look me up!