jgib

Stillwidowed, curious how it went?

Virgo, I am over 50 (53 to be exact) and feel the same way as you. I don’t see it as settling for less then I had but I do know how good things can be. I am not interested in being with someone just to be with someone. i have dipped a toe back into online. Went on to lunch with one and coffee with another. Just never goes any further. I am not willing to go all in on the first meeting. If someone is not interested in getting to know me better so be it. 2 people now have told me I am hard to read......

I think I am going to be on my own from now on. It has been just over 4 years and I am at a new place and a new job and settling in. I know I don’t want to remarry but I thought there may be another relationship in me but I don’t think so now. I miss having someone in my life to share things with. Sure could have used a hug and foot rub yesterday! WW, I understand what you say about a roommate, the company would be nice but I think I am to private and like my space too much now for that. I have had lots of tears and coming to terms with the fact that it will be just me from now on (oh, and my little dogs!).

Well so far, this one sounds like he may be a better choice. A more fulfilling way to send your energy perhaps?

I am sorry to hear you are struggling with this captains wife. Something to think about is that anger can be a mask for other feelings. We can go to “angry” because it can feel like the safe option. Take a bit of time to dig a little deeper under the anger and see what you find. I will say I am not good a practicing what I preach, I find this very difficult to do. So much easier for me to be angry sometimes even though I know there is probably more to it.....

How have you settled in at the new job?

Made the last trip, with the last of my things. I had to go through many of DH things which was trying but it had to be done. Now I am looking forward to planting some flowers and deciding if I want a little veggie garden this year.

I will tell you what I would do, but it surely doesn’t mean it is the right thing..... I would be upfront and say what you have said to us here......That he seemed to spend a lot of time on his phone and that you got the feeling he was hiding it from you. See what he says.... Then you have two choices, believe what he tells you, or get out because it is no fun to be with someone that you don’t think is being truthful with you.

Thanks, I will see how it goes. I was certainly ready for change, where I was sure wasn’t right anymore.

Ice cream all the way! Tulips or daffodils?

Well, almost all moved, not all the boxes are unpacked yet. New job seems good so far. Back in the little town I grew up in so it is a bit odd. Working with people that have never moved away and have been at the same work place for 25 years.....a bit twilight zone sometimes.... Besides the extra effort to get along at work, in those sort of circumstances, I am feeling pretty good. I had not realized how stressed and unhappy I was living in the last place. I notice it most in my dogs, they are so happy and content, obviously not feeling stress from me anymore. I hope the good feeling lasts. I do think I am moving forward even though it is kind of a step back.

Interesting. I personally don’t know any women that don’t like sex. I suppose everyone’s libido is different. As for the question, I feel it is legit if asked and then not brought up again. I think I would like to know early on if a man I was getting close to didn’t like sex, or was unable to have it for whatever reason. I am at that age now where it is a possibility. To me, not having a physical relationship is a strong friendship or companionship. Nothing wrong with that, I have a couple of man friends I am very close to and one I would consider my best friends, we just don’t have close, physical contact. I would like to have the option of deciding whether I wanted to get emotionally closer to someone that wouldn’t be able, or wasn’t willing, to take it to the physical level. I enjoy sex, a lot, and would like it to be part of my next relationship, if that ever happens. Not into one night stands or hook ups but I do think having a sex life is part of a healthy, committed relationship.

THAT is no friend of yours......

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I am taking a break from it at the moment, but I get what you are saying. I made the decision to only talk to one person at a time. If it seemed interesting I would just tell others I was talking to someone already. I am not flirty until I know the direction something is going......lots don’t like that much. The constant texting is totally trying for me as well, I have things to do! I have been told I am tough to read because I don’t jump in with both feet, lock, stock and barrel...... I prefer to take my time, feel things out, get comfortable with things. Not the style of many others..... Like Portside said, do it your way. If someone doesn’t like it, just means the fit is not there. Good luck, you are braver then me to stick with it!

Pieces, is there a part of you that is liking the attention? It may be worth asking yourself that question as that may be the vibe he is picking up on. You brain is saying you don’t but maybe something deeper is enjoying it on some level so you are giving off signs of this. Just something to think on......

Seems many of us have similar timelines. I lost my guy at 46 and went through his 50th last Oct. and it wasn’t easy. My thoughts are with you Trying.......

I think we often make decisions about how things are addressed because we don’t want to be hurtful. Pieces, I just think you don’t want to cause hurt but how he is addressing things is also hurtful because of the pressure he is applying. You have been subtle and caring but I think I agree with Mizpah in that maybe a more forward approach may be in order. You seem pretty sure what you want and you need for that to come across to him. This would not be an easy spot to be in for sure.

Taking a break from dating, not that I have done much.... The online thing just isn’t for me but there isn’t really anything else either it seems.

Year 4 hasn’t been easy for me this year. There is no rush Virgo, give yourself some time.

I think it will always hurt too.....just a different kind of hurt each time these things roll around again. Thank you for all your kind words. It is nice to be able to share with folks who have an idea about what it is like.

It has been a bit of an emotional lead up to today. I have been very sensitive and teary for the last couple of weeks. 4 years ago on this date and this is a tough one.... I guess I have in my mind that each year it will get a little easier but this year has been rough. Just goes to show that I need to expect the unexpected. I miss him and the life we had. I have just made some chances to move forward so that could be where the extra emotions are coming from. I have decided to change jobs and move. Should all be done and dusted before April. It is difficult making big decisions and changes all on my own. Sure makes one accountable for their own actions when it is just one person in the decision! Looking through pictures, reading his memorial, will go to his favourite restaurant for a meal tonight. I have to go through some boxes, before the move, that have been tucked away for years. 4 years, were have they gone?

❤️

t2b, remember when you are sick it is much easier to get cranky over things that under other circumstances wouldn’t bother you! Sounds like you do know what is truly going on but I bet that doesn’t make it any less difficult.

I took me husbands ashes to Australia to spread. (Actually his best working dogs ashes were in there with him.) I had a letter, from the funeral home saying what they were but I was never asked for it. I can’t even remember if they even asked what they were. I put them in my carry on, good thing as my other luggage was lost for 3 days.....