faye

Very few states, less than a dozen, recognize common law marriage. A buddy of mine want to be on his girlfriend's insurance. The policy of her insurance company and employer was that you had to be married. Actually, at that time, they would have covered same sex domestic partners, too. But if you could be legally married, you needed to do that. I guess I can see the point, you wouldn't want someone changing his or her covered partner every few months. My friend and his girlfriend got married and just didn't tell anyone.

*eye roll* Those two deserve one another. You deserve much better. Onward and upward.

Humans are complicated beings. We don't always do the right things. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and so sorry you're hurt.

"I'd rather be alone than spend another minute on a man that did nothing but jerk me around." A lifetime ago, I had just moved back to the city that would be my home for years. I was hanging around some of my old friends. I told my Mom that if I kept hanging around them, I would probably end up back with Old Boyfriend, who was a jerk. She asked if that was what I wanted, and I told her no. She suggested I not hang around those people. I took her advice. It still hurt, though,for a while.

For doing stuff on your own: http://seejanedrill.com/

I would feel awkward to invite people to a happy event and steep it in sadness. Anyone who knows me and New Guy well enough to be invited to a wedding knows the circumstances of our meeting and courtship.

It's okay to google a name (if he'll give you one) an email address or a linkedIn account. Glad you had fun!

At my age (late 50s) the demographics aren't in my favor. Women my age can end up without partners because there are fewer men than women. And the men looking for love can hold out for someone younger. I can't tell you how discouraging it was to read profiles of men my age and older who desired a woman no older than mid-forties.

I can't imagine doing this unless I was in a position to move to be with someone, or he to be with me.

Don't write when you can speak, don't speak when you can nod, don't nod when you can wink. Modern corollary: the "enter" key is not always your friend.

When I was very, very young, I was disappointed that my father wasn't prouder of me. A wise older person took me aside. He said, I'm telling you this for your own good, and I mean it in the best way possible: grow up. You father may never see you for who you are, and his opinion of you is no more valid than a stranger's on the street. The only weight is has is the value with which you imbue it. It's that way with all our relatives. They have their opinions, probably heavily influenced by knowing the younger, more naive us. If they're functional, non-toxic people, they probably want the best for us. That doesn't mean they're objective.

Wait until you're 60, then. Not my choice, but some people have commitment ceremonies that aren't marriages. Of course marriage makes things more complicated. Your life and mine would be much, much simpler if we kept to ourselves, sipped/swilled wine, watched movies on HULU, fed the 10 cats we'd collected, and didn't bother with new partners, or even go out at all. That way we wouldn't be a reminder to our friends or the public that we're all mortal.

Might they be afraid that should New Guy's debts become yours, that you my need assistance from them, down the road?

Some months after I had started to date, a wise person I know quietly said my first priority should be to protect my assets for my retirement. I love my Chapter 2 man a lot, but he has no money. If we marry, I could be responsible for any unpaid medical bills. He wants to get married in the worst way. I do, too, but the financial situation scares me. I may take the situation to the lawyer who handled the probate and ask if there would be some way to protect myself. There are no legal or financial experts among my siblings, though, so they don't get a vote. Your sibs' reactions sound out of proportion to the situation. What's it to them? Wouldn't your own children inherit what you failed to spend during your life? If you Google pros and cons for marrying later several sites come up that list the pros and cons of marrying later in life.