When my wife was first diagnosed with stage 4 right off the bat, I thought she only had months (they never gave its a prognosis). Looking at different studies told me she may have 18 months. I think i can say i was utterly depressed and "pre-grieving" . Then 18 months, came and went. I would pre-grieve every now and then. It wasn't until about 60 months that we were told to "get your affairs in order", and it was clear they meant it. I pre-grieved for about a month solid, then we just continued to push forward. She passed at 67 months. I think pre-grieving helped me somewhat, i know, knowing that her time was limited, kept me from doing small things i would regret (like not complaining about doing stuff for her). That has helped me now. Especially when my brain tries to find something i regret (i don't know why my brain tries to do this).
I think my grieving now has an extra element that complicates things. I find I'm almost mourning two people, her before the diagnosis happened, and who she was Before she died.
