TheWidowWhisperer

I was told so many things, many of them conflicting, during those first few months. People told me things they really never should have considered appropriate of healthy. For the longest time I worried about gruesome nightmares (even typing this I worry I've evoked something in my subconscious). The things is...the psyche is an interesting thing. Most of what comes to us in our sleep is helpful and most of what comes to us while awake can't hurt us. Try not to doubt your instincts. Brenda

Thank you for this. The divorce comparison has always confused me. By definition a divorce is when a marriage is working out! I've had people say things such as; "Oh, I totally get it, I just found out my high school girlfriend died." or "My dad died." First off, it's not a competition. But more to the point, losing the rhythm of your life, your very definition of being is a unique loss. Brenda

Sometimes what I miss most was the ease. He felt like a second skin, and now (four years later!) I feel so exposed.

I used to keep a list of the most outrageous things people said to me regarding my husband’s death. At some point I stopped, realizing that it was not exactly the kind of collection I coveted. People say stupid things. I know I have... https://thewidowwhisperercom.wordpress.com/2018/02/18/say-what/

I'm new to this forum and not sure I'm posting a reply correctly but wanted to thank you for saying what you did. Missing a person seems so predictable and something I can find a way to live with, missing the life we shared seems unmanageable.

There are times, not very frequently, that I miss him. I know how odd that must sound. I had a happy marriage and loved my husband very much and very well. But while I think of him always, I don’t exactly miss him. What I miss, really really miss, is being married to him... https://thewidowwhisperercom.wordpress.com/2018/02/13/a-house-is-not-a-home/