petesgirl77

I'm happy to see this topic come up. I can relate to so many of your posts. I also find crowds exhausting, but even more so are those I've read dubbed as 'psychic vampires'. If you've met any, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. Unfortunately, I feel like a magnet for people of this nature. I find I actively seek recovery time after spending too much time with them or even talking to them. I also meditate, but not enough. I work in a hospital so you can imagine the energy here. It's work to try to block it and then I somehow feel a little guilty for trying. I do tend to try to lean toward logical explanations as much as possible, but I have had many experiences where theoretical thinking or speculating on a broader spectrum has made more sense than what I could come up with only relying on logic. Nice to see I'm not alone .

Today is a new day, @momtojandj, but it is unsettling to experience an unexpected rush of those emotions, isn't it? Leaves me with a strange feeling the next day, like a grief hangover. I'm glad it was at your group though, and that they didn't push you to talk about it. It must be difficult to explain your story so often, especially already not having a stellar day. Hearing the possibilities of what could happen can be scary, but when that happens I try to remind myself they are only possibilities and that leaves room for the possibility of better things to happen. I sincerely hope you're having a better day today.

@Gracelet, I just clicked on your link and spit coffee all over my work desk. I'm trying to dab it off my papers with a napkin. Hahaha..... Totally worth it. Thanks ;D P.S. it's hard to believe people like these exist.

Bear, you're not the only slow one. I would say around 5-6 years out it wasn't necessarily active, although I'm still struggling sometimes. I think his manner of death has been a factor and I believe I had/have some lovely issues from PTSD to work through. I was a raging mess for 2 years, at 3 became cautiously optimistic in accepting my life that included carrying my sadness and guilt with me everywhere I went. At 3 and a half years with no intention of dating, I met someone. Boom. Shoved me right back into raging mess status. How this man has been so patient with me for 3 years, I will never know, but I'll save that story for Social. I've been curious at times, why some of us grieve actively longer or shorter than some, but I just come back to the fact that how we grieve is as different as fingerprints.

I will always be grateful to the founders of YWBB, but.... This^^ After the shock of such an abrupt closing, I honestly would have rather they said nothing than that patronizing statement. We're working through the emotional tailspin this sent many of us on and it might be a minute. But no, I'm not planning on staying angry forever; onward and upward. Especially with this fantastic new board and how great to see so many vets here posting. With this group, I have no doubt about one of Lauren's comments, this will be better than YWBB.

Hi Needytoo, I'm sorry to hear about the "forgetters", but I'm glad you made it past another sadiversary and hope you're feeling better than the days leading up. I agree with littlebirdie, I would only say thank you and not mention the lateness. My feedback after 6 of these crappy days is this: I've learned that people won't remember the way we do. It doesn't mean they don't love or care, but they don't feel that day coming the whole month it's in, like we do. They don't replay the day in their heads as often as we may. This past sadiversary for me fell on a Sunday, as was the day he actually died. For some reason, I think because it really illustrated to me how long he's been gone, I knew it was gonna hit me hard. So you know what I did? I let everyone I thought I may need to lean on know ahead of time. In the early years, I would wait and see if anyone else would just remember and be there, but that was setting myself up to feel worse than I already did. So while I would love others to remember, I know they will never truly know how bad that day is for me so they may forget. But by being vocal about it, I get much better support even if it's just someone saying, "I can't imagine how you feel today. I miss him too." For me, that's perfect actually.

^^^^This. I moved to a new city about 2 years out, and was promptly mugged. My engagement ring was in my purse and just like that, it was gone. I moved from my apartment in 2013, and my laptop with Pete's voicemails saved on it was stolen during the transition, though the movers swore they didn't take it. When YWBB announced it was closing, I felt that same sense of losing a piece of what we had and it triggered a wave of grief that honestly surprised me and it's lingering. So Lost, you're definitely not alone. Its strangely unsettling.

Hello all, my name is Valerie. I?m six and half years out. Wow, that sounds like a long time. I also read a lot, but don?t post as much anymore. Pete and I were engaged not married, but lived together for years. I met him when I was 15 and developed a wicked crush immediately. If you?re familiar with the 80?s movie ?Sixteen Candles?, he was my Jake Ryan. Just sitting next to him could set my little high school heart all a-flutter. But he was cute and charming; all the girls followed him everywhere and I was too proud/shy to compete, so we stayed friends, but lost touch. Fast forward almost a decade, and his best friend was getting married. I knew he would come back to our little town for the event and I went to the local bar the night before, betting he would be there. He was there and the sight of him took my breath away, all a-flutter again. We started talking, I was no longer shy ☺, and we fell in love. We moved to the beach and were planning on getting married. In Aug. 2008, he was shot by a man who lived in the neighboring apartment complex during an argument. The shooter fled and has never been caught. Pete died with me kneeling next to him, begging him to stay with me. These years have been incredibly difficult, but I have rebuilt my new life. I never thought that would be possible. I was so thankful to find YWBB when I did, and credit it with helping to save my sanity. Thank you again to the administrators of this new home. Sending hugs to all.