Joey

I'm now using a fan. The "white noise" seems to soothe the looming silence.

Nice KK! I did a similar thing last fall. Spent 5 weeks on a solo road trip: hiking around southern Oregon and Northern California. I actually feel like I was a bit more social when I was out there... talking to strangers about non-widowy stuff. A few times I went out for dinner alone but ending up sharing a pizza with another solo-diner. A few things I noticed about the experience that would lead me to encourage others to get out there and do a solo-trip Before: You get excited before the trip...planning and researching. The excitement (and sometimes nervousness) grows as the departure date approaches During: Seeing beautiful sites, enjoying nature, and feeding my brain brand-new stimuli and situations seem to eclipse thoughts of the past After: looking at the pictures, and sharing the stories, reflecting on the things I got a chance to see and enjoy. New memories! And of course, the sense of accomplishment that comes with the planning and completion of an adventure Be forewarned however... it was only a few days after my return that a little voice in my head began whispering.... "what's next?"

Jen, I've been around here for almost 2 years (also a YWBB transplant). During this time, I often read, but seldom post. But when I saw this thread, I simply could not resist taking a moment to let you know how very "by-my-side" you have been through this whole ordeal, even if you don't even know it. Please include me on the long list of wids who wish to offer a hug and say "thank you".

Interesting article, thank you for sharing. I have certainly noticed SOME of these symptoms since being widowed 18 months ago. For me, weight loss has been an issue - I have not had an appetite, and managing that issue has been a hassle (cooking for one, eating alone, etc...) Also, I wake up about 1 hour before I actually need to. I'm still tired, and it is dark outside, but I start feeling shitty early. Not sure what that's all about.

Widower.... just curious why that claim would be made... Is this actually a coveted thing in online-dating circles?

Funny as hell!

Excellent article canadiangirl, thank you for sharing. I must confess, I have a kindle full of self-help-happy books that I have leaned on quite a bit since being widowed. In the early months, when I was really on-fire, it was hard to imagine comfort, let alone happiness. I grasped for anything that promised a new-improved-happy-laughing "me" by the end of the book. So this article really struck a chord in me; And I'm certain i would enjoy their book. Admittedly, this part made me laugh: In the meantime, the Bennetts offer easily digestible suggestions on managing negative states or emotions, among them: ?Act decently in spite of the way you really feel.? Get to know your inner asshole so as to reduce the likelihood it becomes outer.? Once again, great share... Thank you!

I asked your question to my imaginary magic 8-ball, and it returned this quote from Hamlet: "This above all: to thine own self be true" I hope whatever you do makes you feel better, and not just for the night.

Yes... I do it too. Oddly, I do it with music. I find myself listening to music that I used to like before DW. The stuff we listened to together, or the songs she liked... well i'm not quite there yet.

This week Tibetan monks were in town creating a sand mandala for healing. The artistic ritual ends with the sweeping of the sand into the center, removing the art. The sand is then cast into the sea, with gratitude and understanding of the impermanence of things. I visited the monks and the work as it was in-process, and again when finished. They gave me a small envelope with sand from the mandala. I took it to the beach, and cast it into the waves of the outgoing tide. Letting go has not been easy for me. I am grateful to have seen something of such beauty and meaning.

Perhaps "moving on" means more to us than getting over the loss of our spouses. Perhaps this is forgiveness... in action. Is saying something nice to someone ever a bad idea? "He's a horrible person", but you are not. Saying nice things to nice people is easy. Saying nice things to shitty people.... now that's special.

I have neither advice, not experience in this matter. However, I did want to take a moment to say: "good for you" I believe that we are not only bound the common experience of widowhood, but more importantly, we succeeded at marriage. We make good partners... It's what we do. So I say give it a try... and have fun.

Yeah, often this is me too. But I did want to share with you this thought: Today may be the greatest day of your life. It may just be the day where everything starts coming together again. Statistically improbable, sure (such calculations are well above my pay grade)... But nevertheless, I'm going to write it again, but this time I'm doin' it yoda style, hoping it carries more weight: "The greatest day of your life, today may be." Anyway, good luck today my friend. Let me know how it goes!

Fuck people (This means YOU family, friends) who think I am the official spokesperson for DW. You loved her, I did too. Feelin' griefy? I am too. Need to talk to someone? get a shrink. Because when you call me with your memories and cry... you're bringing me right back to the place I am trying to escape.

With all warranted humility... I'd like to add a few of my own... I searched Amazon.com for "acceptance", hoping for a 1-click buy, or perhaps overnight delivery. No luck. I'm perfecting something I arrogantly call the "Joey hat-trick": eat, walk, bathe; all in the same day! Last week I saw a beautiful sunrise. It was a new day... I thought to myself "really? again?" Shouldn't widow(er)s be granted conjugal dream visits? Watched a movie this week. Young woman lost her husband to the war; I yelled at the TV "See ya' on the forum... ((hugs))" Michael... thank you for this.