MissingSquish

I got a message back from her, and it left me still a bit unsettled. She was upset that I insinuated that her kid wasn't really sick (not what I said). I said I wished she was honest with me about her reluctance to come instead of telling me her kid wasn't feeling well. She said she wanted to do a few things with her in laws and husband despite the fact that her kid wasn't feeling well.

She also said since she doesn't have a car it's much harder for her etc and it's longer than 2 hours round trip, yet they had to drive today to get to the zoo (the alternate is likely 2+ hours of public transit there).  I offered to pick her and her kid up tomorrow for the walk (her neighborhood is on the way and I'm driving there, and so is another person she knows), but she has yet to respond.

She said she has been dealing with a lot lately and apologized for being out of touch.  She doesn't want to burden me with the stuff she's going through. I said that I may not completely understand what she's going through but I can be there for her in whatever way possible.

She says she's going to try to still meet me at the end of the walk, but she wants updates as we're walking etc so she can time it and everything. I have no clue when it is actually going to end, so I can't give her much to plan on tomorrow.

Honestly, I don't want to be tethered to my phone and not actually experiencing everything going on around me tomorrow. It's going to be an emotional day as it is, and I don't want to deal with trying to find her amongst everyone there and coordinating.

Thanks for the hugs and support. Shortly after I posted, I sent her a message saying I was disappointed and wished she was honest with me about the walk. Haven't heard back from her yet.

Sigh.

If I can get any other local wids to make the drive up with me (and my dog is taken care of), I can make this one.

Grace, I'm so sorry. That woman shouldn't be in medicine. I agree with the advice given so far to your future employer and be honest with them about what happened. You'll get through this, I promise!

My best friend and I have been drifting apart from each other for a while now (even before I was widowed).  A few things have contributed to this change aside from becoming widowed; she has gotten married, still speaks to her toxic family, her in laws live overseas and now has a 1 year old.  We used to see each other every few months and spoke on the phone twice a month.

I think I saw her twice during her pregnancy, and once was at her baby shower and the other was my birthday.  I speak to her maybe once a month, and the last time I saw her was Christmas. I haven't spent any one-on-one time with her (wouldn't care if her kid tagged along, that would still count) in probably 2 years.  Everytime I've seen her, it's always been in the company of our other friends. I've mentioned to her that I miss her and have offered to help her around the house just so I can see her and have some quality time. She'll agree, but then she brushes me off and I don't see her.

Yesterday was the 4 year sadiversary. She called, we talked and it was nice to hear from her. Tomorrow, I'm planning on doing a charity walk for a rescue group, and told her the date months ago.  It's only 2 hours total tomorrow in the afternoon, and it's my Squish's birthday.  And it's literally the only thing I've asked her to do since my birthday last year.

Her in laws just came to town from overseas a few days ago, and I know she's busy with them. She said she'd do her best to come to the walk over the past few times I've talked to her. Last night, she says that she may meet me at the end because her kid hasn't been feeling well lately and she thinks it would be too much for him.

I check Facebook today and she's checked into the city zoo (further from where the walk is) with her kid and husband. That is a heck of a lot more walking and outside time than this charity walk would be tomorrow.  I'm really hurt.  She knows how much this walk means to me.

Am I overreacting? Wids with kids what do you think?

Now that is Sexy!

I'm watching forensic files right now. Good background noise.

I am procrastinating on writing my last paper of the semester.  It is about policy making theories regarding funding of higher education in the US.  Is anyone more bored than I am?

 

Maureen

Maureen, I think you take the cake with the most boring subject matter to write about

Hi everyone!  How are you all doing on this sexy widow Saturday night?  I'm chilling with the dog on the couch. Sorry I've been away for a while. Life has been insane.

I actually had a really nice day. Hung out with my dog, watched a movie and ate Nutella from the jar.

Thanks everyone. I've actually joined a meetup group for other dog owners. My boy dog has had a health scare recently, and we haven't been able to go to any meet ups for a few weeks. 

He's doing much better, and we're looking forward to getting back out again soon.

I've been stood up a bunch, but I really don't let that bother me all that much. Most of the dates I've been on have been through men I've met online. 

I have joined some other motorcycle meet ups, but since it's been the off season, I haven't ridden nor done any meet ups with them recently. 

I find winter to be a bit more difficult in regards to getting out and doing things.

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and responses. 

I'm an introvert, and social interaction tends to require that I need a lot of down time by myself to recharge. I enjoy being alone most of the time, and doing things on my own.  However, it's gotten really old talking about my day with the dog.

I'm in my early 30's with no kids. I wonder why I'm still saving towards retirement. I'm not depressed, but I know that the chances I'll live past 60 aren't good (nearly everyone on both sides of my family have died of heart disease by the time they were 70).

I've been attempting to date for over 3 years now. I had one longer term boyfriend, but I broke up with him this past April. I didn't love him (though I thought I did), and our schedules were completely incompatible.

I've been on 2 dates a month for the past 6 months, and all of them have been bad, in one way or another. I can't make any real connection with anyone I've tried to date. I feel like I exist on another planet different from the rest of the population.

I see so many wids that have the same timeline as me as being recoupled and in fabulous relationships. I'd like a great relationship again, but it isn't happening for me. I'm starting to think that being single and celibate is just easier.

My dog hasn't been feeling well the past week, so I'm likely to stay home with him. I'd like to walk to the local French restaurant and have a kir royale to celebrate the new year, but that would mean I'd need to shower (and leave my baby at home). Not likely.

Happy 2016 everyone!

The 6 month mark happens to be around thanksgiving for me. So it kinda gets mixed up in the general holiday difficulties, though this year was easier than it has been in past years.

I'm feeling yucky and bloated from the holidays. I went to hot yoga yesterday and have been trying to walk my dog as much as I can.

Checking in for some wid support.

I am planning on driving up, more than likely alone, as my wid friends in LI look like they are bowing out.

I won't be able to bring Mac and cheese muffins this time. I know, blasphemous!  To be honest, they are a pain in the butt to make. About half of the Mac and cheese muffins fall apart when I'm trying to take them out of the muffin tins. I was making a batch for myself today to freeze, and I tried a few new techniques to try to get them to come out of the pans whole. Needless to say, it didn't work, and most of them fell apart while taking them out of the muffin tins. I only did 2 tins worth before I gave up and put the remainder of the Mac and cheese in a casserole dish, which I'll split up later.

Hugs CW. I have no idea. Hoping your little guy feels better soon and that you get some peace at your in laws. Call me anytime.

Best of luck, Jess!  Can't wait to hear about it. For me, I'm sitting on the couch, watching the history channel with the dog right next to me. Life is good right now.

Sexy widowed Saturday night is upon us again!  What are all of you hot wids doing tonight?

Bump!  I'm in chat. It's been a while, sorry I've been scarce around here.

Many of you know that I've had a very difficult relationship with my parents. Some of you know that my mom's twin brother died in July. I was very close with my uncle, and his death was very sudden.

My mom was also extremely close with her brother, probably closer to her brother than she is with my dad. Losing her brother is probably the hardest thing she will ever go through. I've never really seen my mom cry until her brother died.

My father has been getting more and more intolerable to be around since then, as has my mother. Mostly, my dad has been angry, placing blame on my uncle for a thousand different things that aren't true. My father will openly insult my uncle (he did the same with Squish after he died) in front of me and my mother. I did not tolerate it, and I asked my father repeatedly to stop bashing them.

I went out to dinner with my parents on my wedding anniversary this year. I know they probably didn't realize/remember it was my wedding anniversary.

My parents have been purposely excluding me from family events that my brothers and their wives are invited to.  I confronted my mother about this issue a few months back, and she swore up and down that it wouldn't happen again. At dinner, my father revealed that he had organized plans that had excluded me and included my brothers and their wives.

I confronted him with the facts. I did not back down. I pressed and was in his face. He kept back pedaling, knowing he was in the wrong, and trying to make excuses for it, but not facing reality.  He said a multitude of insulting and hurtful things such as "it's not appropriate for you to attend these events if you're single" and "maybe you need to find a husband".

After he said I needed to find a husband, I told him to fuck off and that I never wanted to speak to him or my mother again. (My mother had literally said the same thing to me about 6 months back, and I didn't stand up then). And so I did. I haven't spoken to them since October.

Anyways this rant actually had a purpose. I went to my local Christmas tree place to get a wreath for Squish's grave. I added another wreath onto my order for my uncle's grave this year. I drove out, dropped off and placed the wreath on Squish's grave, and then went to my uncles cemetery. I walked up and down the rows until I finally found his site.

There was no wreath there. No decorations on his plot, save for a small, dead rosemary bush. I was happy that I had gotten a wreath for my uncle's plot, but angry that my family had not done anything yet for his gravesite for Christmas. My parents usually put their Christmas lights up on Black Friday every year, and I know they plan out everything.

They were probably never planning on doing anything for the site. My mother hasn't been to her parents mausoleum in years.

I don't know why I went on this whole ranty thing.

Cliff notes: Parents are assholes

I miss Squish a little bit

I miss my uncle a lot

No decoration on my uncles grave

Saturday's are a bit easier for me, but I can probably do Sunday as well. I think one of the LI wids will likely take a ride up there with me.

I found this recently and it is very helpful. It breaks down self care into smaller, easier bites. I've used it almost every day this week.

http://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play

Maybe this can be stickied if others find it as helpful as I did?

Hey sexy wid brothers and sisters!  I had a nice mini-Bago earlier today with some local wids, and have been laying low for most of the night.

Thank you all so much.  The situation is what it is. My parents are not going to change. They've been acting like this for 30+ years towards me. Since cutting them out of my life last week, I have felt substantially less anxiety overall.

I know I made the right decision.