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Posts posted by ATJ
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(((Trying)))
Thoughts to ponder ...I have never made any big adult decisions without DH ?"It's not who you ARE that holds you back,
it's who you think you're NOT!"
~~ Unknown
I have been feeling really proud of myself for taking this on and getting things done with new house I'm buying and getting our current house ready. Multiple big decisions every week or sometimes every day.
I have never been very confident in myself but I thought that I was making big strides. Now I feel like an idiot."The best way to gain Self-Confidence
is to do what you are afraid of."
~~ UnknownThe old personality flaws didn't disappear when I became a widow, they magnified. There is no "new me" just a more broken version old me."Courage is not the towering oak
that sees storms come and go;
It is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow."
~~ Alice M. Swaim
Sending you Confidence, Courage and Determination!
You CAN do this! Believe in Yourself!!
ATJ
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Thank You!
"The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend
is an accessible ear."
~~ Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou was right, we ALL have the need to be heard at times, especially when our heart feels heavy!
Ten years after my husband's death it seems incredible that so much time has passed. Meanwhile the current of life has taken me in a very different direction, and it often feels surreal, as if invisibly suspended between two worlds. So many significant changes to my life and my identity, and yet, still so many echoes from the past.
On this significant marker of time, I felt the need to pay tribute to my husband somewhere to let it be known that he once walked this earth, that he is not forgotten by at least ONE, that he was loved, and that he made his 'earthly dash' count.
Therefore, I deeply appreciate each one of you who 'heard me', and thus gave recognition to Him, by graciously taking the time to reach out with words of kindness and caring.
"Turn your face to the light,
and the shadows will fall behind you."
~~ Maori Proverb
Tom Stoppard said:
"Every exit is an Entry to somewhere else."
And so I keep walking toward that 'Entry to Somewhere Else'.
ATJ -
(((Lost))),
Additional thought:
I just remembered reading something worth contemplating, and of which I have to often remind Myself.
I'm paraphrasing below:
"Never give up!"
"It could just be the moment when the tide may turn!!"ATJ
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Just feeling that life is passing by while I sit and watch and feel sad about so many things that happened so many years ago.
(((Lost35)))
You sound indeed "Lost" tonight. Yes, it is painful having to observe the intact lives of others juxtaposed against our own 'once upon a time' scenario. Our reality can take on a surreal quality, and the big void we feel inevitably makes us look back to "the way we were" with melancholy.
I know that you have been struggling hard to find your way forward, and sometimes prevailing circumstances can make it more difficult to get a clear view of a destination.
Life is similar to a labyrinth with so many twists and turns, which can become wearisome and disorienting when we can't see straight ahead. But if we stay the course, and when least expected, it suddenly takes a turn and leads us right to the center.
I have walked labyrinths numerous times to remind myself of this life lesson, and it encouraged me to keep moving forward, step by step, even when it seemed utterly confusing and tiring. We never know what's waiting around the next bend!
"What saves a man is to take a step.
Then another step."
~~ Antoine de Saint-ExuperyAnd someone else said:
"The first step towards getting somewhere
is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are."
Wishing that each step takes you closer to brighter days ahead!
(((HUGS))) and a little umbrella for your Sangria.
ATJ -
"You are no longer where you used to be,
But you are wherever I am!"
~~ Victor Hugo
' The Bench'
Perched on a small, wintry hill
Sits a lonely bench in the icy chill
It silently looks over the frozen sea
Of white desolation and nary a tree
It mourns alone in the howling wind
For the One whose death it cannot rescind
It's the sole reminder of the One who's gone
Who fought a fierce battle that couldn't be won
It stands with great courage and bravery
As merciless nature unleashes with glee
Its fury and wrath during day and night --
It's the somber marker of a battle
Once fought with great might
It bears His name like a solid proud shield
Remembering Him, who never would yield
Who lived with great honor and courage so high
That he bravely looked death straight into the eye
And defiantly said:
*I* shall decide when I'm going to die!!
He took the grim reaper's triumph and glee
As he charted his Own Path and Destiny!
And when winter's harsh grip finally breaks
And new life springs forth
With sunny, warm rays
The lonely bench offers solace and peace
To a tired wand'rer who is ill at ease
To provide comfort and rest
And to get a fresh start
For those who are weary
Or heavy of heart
When I see this humble symbol
Of a once brilliant, great man
My mind travels and marvels
At the astonishing race he ran
His mind was strong and undeterred
No problem too great to be solved or deferred
He Loved Life and was always grateful and glad
With the adventurous spirit of a very young lad
He saw life's humor, and when he smiled
My heart jumped for joy, and I felt beguiled
I greatly miss Him!
It hurts my heart and my soul
Because He was the One
Who made me feel Whole
He's the One I carry wherever I go
During Life's ev'ry high and solitary low
The One to whom, on This solemn day
I send All my Love - far, far away
To the shores of infinity and beyond --
The One, with whom I have an unbreakable bond!
~~~~~~~~~ À tout jamais - Forevermore ~~
ATJ
10-Year Anniversary Reflections of an 'SOS' and long-time Caregiver
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It may seem trivial to some. Some would say, Oh just find another place to go. But I?ve invested my heart there. ....
I just feel like all life does anymore is just take and take and take
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"Life never gives; it only lends." ~~ Unknown
(((Carey)))
I am so sorry that you lost your refuge of peace and happiness. There are so many "consequential damages" that we never anticipated, and they exacerbate the major loss. -
I also once had a special place which my husband and I regularly visited. It was my "oasis of peace, serenity and rejuvenation". When I used to be under stress, I would close my eyes and imagine being there, and the mere image calmed me down and was balm for my soul. For different reasons, I also can no longer go there, and I miss it so very, very much!
Although you've come to the end of another road,
may Life send you a Rainbow that leads you to a new place
of Bright and Hopeful Beginnings!
ATJ
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Or any method you use for strength. I know most don't know me... A small favor...
Pray, send me strength me tonight at 7:30 EST, please...
I just need to feel my widda posse' standing behind me...I just need to FEEL someone helping me.
Sending Light, Strength, Courage and Support!!
With you ALL the way!!
In Solidarity,ATJ
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How on earth have five years passed?
I feel this day in my chest, in my heart, like a brick, or more likely an elephant sitting on me. Five years have passed since that miserable day and I still feel it like I was sitting in the doctor's office that horrible day. There isn't much to say, but I had to say it somewhere. Screaming it from my office rooftop or on a street corner didn't seem like the best option so I am here, forever grateful for here.
(((cmf)))
I heard your scream of pain! Sadly, memory is not a respecter of time and can haunt us for many years. It would be nice to be able to flip a magic switch and stop these images. In two days I'll hit my 10th anniversary, and your proverbial elephant seems to be making the rounds. Let's both give him the big "Heave-ho"!
"Memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven,
it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape."
~~ John Lancaster SpaldingSending you Rays of Light and Hope for better days ahead!
ATJ
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It is hard to get the new place organized when I feel mentally worn out all the time. I finally got my kitchen together and that made me feel better, but I pretty much feel like I need a Xanax most of the time because my anxiety is just through the roof.
(((Jess)))
I do so understand!! It is quite overwhelming, and I felt very much the same. But, inch by inch you'll make progress!
Remember:
"A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step."
~~ Confucius
You are on your way and have taken some significant steps already! I'm thinking of you and send you lots of positive energy!!
Here's a calming (Big HUG) coming your way!
ATJ
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Fleur said:
So? am I the only one that is bothered by first the blocking and then the complete disappearance (without comment) of an active thread?For most, posting takes time and effort and for sure it's a lot easier to sit back and read. However, it is my opinion that this site will not attempt to reach its potential if the genuine contributions of its members are not valued - let alone thrown away.
Fleur,
During your lengthy presence in the YWBB/Widda community you have emerged as one of the solid, stable members who made substantive and valuable contributions, showing evidence of intellect, thoughtfulness and caring for your fellow "club members". Your posts that I have read have been authentic, forthright and to the point, while respectful and well thought out. And yes, it does indeed take time and effort to write, which many cannot or do not wish to expend. Currently the ratio of 'reading guests' over online Members is at times as high as 5:1, in addition to the MANY 'lurking' Members, who for their own reason, choose NOT to participate. Without thoughtful contributions, this community will not have much merit or sustainability.
Therefore, I do understand your frustration, especially since your time is probably limited by much more pressing obligations, yet you generously offer your contributions instead of "just sitting back in your chair and read", as you put it. Anything that requires deeper involvement, time and thought, and is respectfully presented to help and support, deserves to be preserved for future reference.
During my membership years there have been occasional posts/replies that were incendiary, derogatory, lewd or destructive in nature, which obviously contradict the credo and purpose of this community, and therefore those should NOT be tolerated. But they should be handled on an individual basis and not detract from the good will effort of others. Most people want to sincerely help, which is the foundation of this community, and I have seen much kindness and compassion in all areas.
BUT, it is also the OP's responsibility to carefully choose how much to divulge about intimate details on a public board, in particular, when soliciting advice, or at minimum inviting comments from others. Members would be wise to carefully examine if they truly wish to receive feedback/advice from others before posting!
I have also learned in the "classroom of life" that most people generally do NOT seek real advice, but look for endorsement of their pre-existing ideas or desires, especially as it concerns romantic relationships or entanglements. But, for those others who indeed seek help and look for an open-minded, interactive dialogue, this community can be a helpful and valuable resource.
If at a certain point during the unfolding of a thread it becomes clear that the OP rejects ANY ideas that don't mirror his/her own, then, in my opinion, it is usually wise to simply abstain from further comments because it is a futile waste of time and becomes a source of frustration for all concerned.
"You know how advice is - You only want it
if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway."
~~ John SteinbeckThis particular thread had obviously reached its saturation point, and I am certain that most contributors felt tired of it, as must have the readers!! Therefore, I assume that it would have naturally lost its momentum and faded out on its own. - Unfortunately, now the record of many sincere, valuable and thoughtful contributions has been lost, and responders feel that they wasted their efforts.
"Speak only if it improves upon the silence."
~~ Mahatma GandhiI shall heed that advice and close now!
Thank you, Fleur, for your always candid and thoughtful approach, and to the many others who make good faith efforts to help fellow members in this community.
ATJ
P.S. I also want to acknowledge that the moderators' job can often be challenging!
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I told my realtor to play the widow card, is that gross?
As the saying goes -
"We have to play the hand we are dealt."
The "widow card" is part of the deck!
Good luck!
ATJ -
What an odd world we inhabit.
Odd and insane are the "New Normal"
when our world has been turned upside down!
ATJ -
I did it. I put my favorite song on and had a glass of champagne and remembered happy times and cried a river of tears. On step further away? One moment close again? I don't know. But it had to be done.
Good for You, TooSoon!!
I have had to do some things that others would have considered QUITE "insane", and often even *I*, but they were necessary to deal with the situation. Whatever others think about our actions or thoughts is really quite immaterial. And we have to do the difficult, often heart-wrenching things, first in order to allow us to move forward.
I believe that with your non-conspicuous Act of Love today you paid the highest tribute to your husband by honoring his wishes!
Sending you Light and Blessings!
Solidarity (((HUGS)))
ATJ -
Do I sound insane?
TooSoon,
I believe that this "little matter of death" with its surrounding circumstances has at times probably caused many of us to ask the very same question and has made us do, feel or think that which would have been unthinkable before.
We sometimes have to do or think "the insane" to feel a bit more sane, and to enable us to deal with the insanity of our reality.
In context of his wife's illness and death, Edgar Allan Poe wrote the following:
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
― Edgar Allan Poe
ATJ
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May All be Well!
Wishing with all of my heart!
ATJ -
Thank You, @WifeLess for being so thoughtful in posting this. It should bring comfort to those who have gone through the hell of becoming an SOS.
ATJ
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(((Skitwin)))
I sent you a PM!
ATJ -
Movers are here now. I had to excuse myself once to gather myself but now am feeling better. I suspect I will have a good cry in the drive to the new place.
(((Jess)))
I know, this is so difficult! It takes determination and courage, but step by step you are inching forward. And it's OK to cry! This is a significant move which takes you toward your new life.
"All changes, even the most longed for,
have their melancholy.
For what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves.
We must die to one life before we can enter another."
~~ Anatole France
Wishing you Comfort, Sunshine and Happiness!
My thoughts are with you all the way!!
Welcome Home (((HUGS)))
ATJ -
...
... I could only think how unfair life is.Pat,
This really hit me with full force, and I am just sickened by it! The longer I watch this "theater of life" the more disgusted I become. Life, the "universal purveyor of good and bad" is so "bleeped up" that I often just need to escape from reality by blocking out news, hearing or reading heart-wrenching stories.
In this particular case, the series of tragic events has affected so many people in so many permanently life altering ways, it is really tragic.
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
-- Aldous Huxley
My heart aches so much for this entire family. It reminds me of the movie title
"Enough"!!
"What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow, which runs across the grass ...
And loses itself in the sunset."
~~ Native American SayingATJ
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Today has been a day of tears
I answer the heroic question:
"Death, where is thy sting?"
With -
"It is here in my heart and mind and memories."
~~ Maya Angelou
(((HUGS))) to you, Bluebird!
ATJP.S. The video was heart-wrenching!
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We should have family photos for another 30+ years.
I'm sad. And stuck. And sad some more. ... I just want my life back.
"Although we've come to the end of the road,
Still I can't let you go.
You belong to me, I belong to you!"
~~ UnknownWishing you gentler times ahead!
(((HUGS)))
ATJ -
... It's still so hard to believe that you are gone.
"I used to believe in Forever,
but now I think Forever is too short!"
~~ Winnie the PoohATJ
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Deleted!
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Thank You, @Bluebird and @Carey !!
Bluebird, you are right, these are lyrics from an OLD song I found.
ATJ - singing the multiple anniversary Blues
My Little Guy's Shirt...
in Young Widowed Parents
Posted
Oh, (((L.))) -
These moments must be so hard! You are giving your son all the love, encouragement and support he needs to reach his full potential while experiencing the joys of childhood. You teach him kindness and compassion and show him the wonder and adventures that life can hold. Yet, the One thing you wish you could give him most, you can't, and that must deeply hurt. But, you raise him with Peter's spirit, invisibly guiding you both, and you can see his father's life-loving smile in him. Bitter-sweet, indeed!
May Peter be with his little guy in spirit as he frolics and explores the beach -
Both wearing their Hawaiian shirts!
Love,
ATJ