pigsCANfly

I'm exhausted too...And I can't sleep either But...some advice for you...If you can, get a massage the day before your interview, you will sleep better that night, and it WILL make a difference in your presentation. Even if is just a short cheap chair massage.

OMG first off, I can't believe this moldy oldie is still floating around--so much fun! second, when I read the last reply (above) after an old friend sent me here, I was totally thinking about dating online...now, you read it and tell me you didn't spit out your drink! Home improvement shows, I'm remodeling several rooms in my house Cooking bad, cooking men's work, erg! Run naked down your street at midnight, or wear stripes with plaids to an interview?

Number five was a bitch for me too. However, I came out of it swinging. (Not the changing sex partners kind--however topical that may be on this thread, LOL--the boxing kind). I have accomplished more with getting my shit together at my house and in my life in year 5-half year 6 than in the 4 years prior. I have a BF, I just turned 50, and I smile at ALL the 25 year olds LOL--not the creepy Mrs. Robinson smile, just "hey it's a great day smile," and honestly, guys love it cuz many women DON'T smile at them, afraid they will take it as an invitation. It isn't always, it's just "hey it's a great day." Stick with that, you will do more as you feel more comfortable, and YOU will feel just a bit better every time someone smiles back

I had a first the other day. It's been a while, but our son is 12, so they still pop up. But most everything, after six years, is not a first anymore. I hated when everything was a first.

I moved at a year out. I had three months...I had the time, the truck, the helpers, and the space. I took it all. Now, in that first year, I had thrown away the trash, and things that were broken but he was keeping as "spares" in case the new one we bought broke (3 shop vacs, anyone?) and a lot of his clothes I had given to his friend who dropped everything to come help me when he died. He had nothing, and suddenly he had a complete wardrobe (or 12!) Over the past five years I have parsed through it several times, and every time I get rid of a little more. Suddenly, I realized, WHY do I have this stuff? To paraphrase one poster, he hasn't come back for it yet, so??? I kept his stage clothes, hunting stuff, some favorite cuff links and a watch, and all of the tools and equipment, for me and my son, but the other "stuff" is just stuff I don't need. I will eventually get rid of some tools, because unless I start a commune prohibiting power tools, I doubt I will have a need for 26 hand saws, 50-odd screwdrivers, and twice that many pliers and cutters and strippers, etc. Not to mention, tools for which I still haven't figured out a purpose, and which have not been identified by the myriad tradesmen I know. The more I dispense with, the lighter I feel, and the less stress I have about dealing with it all. I hope that you too feel better when you have finished... stuff does trigger memories, but so do many intangible things like scents and songs and TV commercials and random-ass thoughts, and they are much easier to find room for, wherever you go.

I'm the same pigsCANfly from YWBB...For some reason, just recently, I've had several friends of friends become widowed and I've sent them here...and until they noticed, not realizing I had never introduced myself and likely never commented. I'm very appreciative that some folks were able to set this up again; I think it will continue to be a lifeline for many. I found the YWBB shortly after my Tommy was killed in a car crash in May of 2010, within sight of our then-five year old son. His fatal accident followed a string of near-misses that in retrospect seemed like trial runs. Nothing he did to himself, just the universe's way of preparing me, I guess. (Side note: the universe really sucks at the whole preparation thing. The rug was pulled out, I was on my ass, I was devastated. I still am in many ways). At the time, I felt I didn't belong at YWBB because I wasn't feeling or experiencing or coping with my grief like ANYONE who was about the same time out as I was (3 months). It was another year before I came back, and actually I went to chat before I ever posted. I realized then that not everyone's timeline will be, or even SHOULD be, the same--but because I didn't understand that the first time, I didn't understand why the way *I* was coping was "wrong" according to the timelines of others. (Side note #2: Do not allow others to rate or judge YOUR journey. Listen to them about theirs, but yours is YOURS.) The second time, I was purchasing a house, moving, going through all of his jun--er, I mean fabulous finds, and it was not only helpful at that point to me to hear about how others were dealing with doing these things, regardless of how far out they were, but I was able to learn from others who seemed to find my somewhat unorthodox comments and approach helpful, as had not been the case the first time I came on. There were wids with whom I connected (awesome men and women who are still friends!!) and those with whom I didn't--also amazing, but no second date so to speak LOL--and to you newbies, please know that this is OK--you will meet many different folks here, and my best advice is to stick with the ones who get you (and vice-versa), regardless of the length of time you or they have been widowed. When the YWBB shut down I was a very infrequent visitor. I didn't copy any old posts, didn't even go on to read any. Once it was done it was done--didn't need to go back and feel it again. My particular mode of coping with my grief then (and pretty much now, still) is to just do it--if you can look it in the eye and kick its ass at any moment, even just for a second, do it. If you need to choose to have a stay-in-bed grief day where it comes and goes as it pleases, choose to. (Side note #3: If you want to scream and cry and break plates, I have some an ex in-law gave me that I will ship for free! Doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me). Being here--it's because of an awful ending to our stories--however, it is a new beginning for each of us as well. Birth is painful and can be complicated--this is no different. You will likely become a changed person, with different views and different feelings. You may not recognize yourself some days. That's normal. As many folks have written in this thread, grief does change, it does get better--perhaps incrementally, perhaps only temporarily...but the better times get better, and they come closer and closer together and last longer and longer...and the bad, well, they kind of stay the same, but they do tend to get further apart and don't hang on quite as long as that broccoli smell when you forget you have it in the fridge. Please try to be patient and kind with yourself, and HONEST with yourself to the best of your ability. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and don't be afraid to give it. BUT--- THIS is the best advice: drink lots of water. It works for pretty much everyone, every time. pCf PS Sometimes the water thing works better after being part of an aging or fermentation process!