maddalena

how do you do that and keep in time with each other, isn't there a lag via skype, etc?

 

I get this. Last month, on the eve of the second anniversary of my wife's accident, some pics from our wedding anniversary came up out of nowhere on everyone's FB feeds. I'm also in a serious relationship, and though I am of course always happy to remember my late wife, the timing made me cringe because to me it implied that I was in a different place than I actually was.

 

So yes, in some ways what other people think - or what we THINK they think - is important to us.

yes

I still dream about him, I still think of him, I still miss him.

In fact, right before I woke up last week, he told me he loved me. ANd his voice isn't something i hear very often. the 3rd anniversary of the day he died, I was surrounded by his family. His sisters, his niece and nephews, our sons.  They had a pie making contest.

He loved to make pie. His (my) older son won 1st place with the most beautiful and tasty pie.  Emotions were high that day (a week ago) but mostly happy.  I watched my two sons give my Dh's older sister a hug with these words " My dad wanted us to give you a hug"

so there WERE tears shed, but it was by no means a black day or even a sad day. IT was a further celebration of the love and beauty that had been that precious man.

I am in love with another man, but that doesn't stop the love from my DH or to him either. Iife is so strange.

sunshine gives good advice. I look forward to hearing about the two nice guys...

you guys make me feel better. it messes with MY head too, though. 

anything happening on tuesday?

i like your path.  take a deep breath.  you sound wise and resilient, you will find something, and since your kids are all you have left, they sound like a great thing to focus on.

good luck. and to answer your question, people present themselves a bit differently at first. it takes a little time for them to relax and show their true colors..

you'll find someone better.

hugs

It's been more than 3 years since my DH died, and like many of us, i have hundreds of pictures of me with him smiling happily ... on facebook.

A lot of you know, I am now in a relationship again, with a living man. The other day i decided to go back on my DH's facebook account to look at very old posts of his.

I "liked" a couple, and you know what that does? it pops them up on all our friends' feeds, and all of a sudden i was getting dozens of likes of this very nice picture of DH and me.

Well, not everyone knows all the details, that's got to be confusing, so, what the heck, I "liked" the photo of me with New Guy.

right away, people that do know (including his brother) liked THAT photo.

I feel very mixed about this.  What, am I pitting New Guy against DH?  I do want people to remember, but i also want people to know that i'm not constantly mourning the wonderful man I lost,

and that I am happy with my chapter 2 guy...

any thoughts, fellow wids?

I suspected right from the beginning there was something off with this guy and he did let it slip the word "we" a few times.

OMG, he said "we"?  WTF! what a moron!

Strangely, I only ever thought I saw him a couple of times. I "saw" my father a lot more often. I have no idea why. And his tooth brush? When mine wore out, I used his.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/14/opinion/sunday/how-to-make-online-dating-work.html

this paragraph was particularly interesting:

What about those search algorithms? When researchers analyzed characteristics of couples who?d met on OkCupid, they discovered that one-third had matching answers on three surprisingly important questions: ?Do you like horror movies?? ?Have you ever traveled around another country alone?? and ?Wouldn?t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?? OkCupid believes that answers to these questions may have some predictive value, presumably because they touch on deep, personal issues that matter to people more than they realize.

!! this thread keeps improving!

welcome back ! (even if i have no idea who you are )

as I told my DH, love me, love my cats. They outlasted him, and to his credit, he grew to love them, they were his companions too. I hope you can work something out for you and your dogs to stay together.

yeah, i like the ignore feature too, this one doesn't have it?

well, we'll see how that goes.

thanks for sharing. I wish I'd spoken to my own grandmother more about death and dying..

when i was much younger, my mother used to embarrass me like that.

but if she started NOW (she's dead, that's besides the point) I'd tell her it was not her business...

yes, i do that too. 

sometimes, I ask him. Do you like this? would you like this? because you never saw it..

3 years ago today, my husband knew he was dying (he died in July 2012) and he bought me a new car.. It was something that made him happy, as being sick with cancer took away a lot of his pleasures.

I feel sad today, but my sadness has changed. I used to feel bad because i lost him.  Now i feel bad because he lost his life. He lost all of the pleasures that we are still enjoying. Somewhere along the way, it became less about me and more about him.

Yet, I know he still loves me, wherever he is, and i certainly still love him.

Pretty strange.

oh that really sucks. what a bunch of insensitive dolts.  GEEZ people...

i noticed it too. Toosoon was carrying on a good dialog.. and then nothing! very disappointing.

after 35 years of living with one person, living with another seems like  a shoe that fits better sometimes and fits much worse in others. And yes, the doubts fighting with the certainty.. and yes, new quirks in new guy, heck, living with DH was NORMAL... i don't think anything else ever will be.

hang in there, tell us ALL about him!

lcoxwell, thanks for your very thoughtful post. It makes me sad that you have to hide your bad days from him. Other than that he sounds pretty wonderful, but he really has to understand that if you DIDN'T love DH anymore, it would make you much less of a catch. The fact is, you have enough room in your heart for both him and your DH, and he needs to know that.

Toosoon, sorry i did not mean to offend.