soloact

 

 

Best wishes- Mike

 

p. s. - for those that knew Kate, I'm still in contact with her. She has finished college, has a job she loves and is raising her children to be fine, happy little people. All with a beautiful smile and a positive outlook.

Hi Mike,

Please tell Kate hello from me. She may not know or remember me. I was always impressed with her can do attitude. I remember her early posts. My heart went out to her. A young widow with two little ones and one on the way.

She handled spousal loss early on better than I do now. I wish her and her children every happiness.

You post makes a lot of sense. It may help someone newly widowed who is getting the same bootstrap advice you did. I'm sorry you had to soldier on during that painful time. Glad you shared. I wish you peace.

What a fun thread! Thank you for doing this. I enjoyed reading and all the inspired fashions. This is the way to bring in a new year.

Wishing all a heathy and peaceful 2018!

candace,

The rent or own decision often comes down to personal preference. That said we have a new Federal tax law that goes into effect 1/1/2018. In some instances the tax benefits of ownership will not be  as favorable under the new law as they are under current law.

Before you make a final decision it may be worthwhile to sit down with your financial advisor or CPA to learn how/if this will effect your choice.

Good luck!

Bambi,

I'm sorry you are dealing with this very difficult situation. It a safe deposit box at your bank an option you would consider until the estate is settled? You would be limited to the hours of the financial institution for access to the urn.

You don't have to hold a service now or ever if you don't feel comfortable with that. It's ten years for me and my husband's urn is in my room where I placed it when I brought him home.

Wishing you peace.

Sounds like a reasonable plan. If you do the entire year that's great. If you decide it's not what you expected you can always return and pick up on the plans you had for the year's end.

 

i love my bread machine. I can make super fancy or heathy breads for pennies. Actually, if you love baked goods as much as I do, it's cheaper to make them yourself and then freeze- cookies, scones, muffins, fruit bread or cake sliced into servings.

 

I may get one of these. I make a lot of soups and stews during the winter, and I usually like to have some bread to go with that.

 

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The bread machine is an excellent suggestion. Look for one with a timer. If you do a lot of soups and stews you'll love this. There is nothing like returning home on a cold evening to the aroma of freshly baked bread and a hot meal.

Prep was the prior evening. Crock was assembled and refrigerated overnight. Everything went in the bread machine except the liquid. In the morning all I had to do was place the refrigerated crock in the slow cooker and add liquid to the bread machine. Great for getting out of the house in a hurry.

After almost ten years I still hate that death certificate. I've seen my share of them but my husband's name was never supposed to be on one.

Sorry you have this again.

KK, is it possible to set a silent alert for her phone number? I did that a lot in the early days. I just did it again tonight as someone gave my cell number to some loon I don't want to deal with.

Sorry this is happening to you. Some people!

Hi Jen

I'm happy to see you again. Sorry we meet here but it's a good supportive place for our circumstances. You are a much needed help to your family. What would they do without you? That's true and sounds good but it is not a solution for the loneliness. Lonely is a bummer.

You've not been widowing that long. It seems like forever but it's not a really long time. Healing is not as quick for many of us. I was a wreck for a few years. I'm better now but I miss him. I always will. That never goes away I'm convinced.

I know I just jinxed myself by writing that I'm better now. Probably will have one of those tearful episodes tomorrow in public because I typed that. You're worth it so that's ok too.

I wish I had words to make you feel better. There are none. I'm glad to see your post. You're one of us and we love you.

Hang in there!

Early on I wasted too much food too. It's a process to learn to shop for one. Now I buy freshly prepared meals from the local supermarket. No more endless leftovers. One serving. It's nice. Occasionally I will put something in the freezer that adapts well to that.

Caveat don't let anyone know if you do this. The commentariat may scold you about the cost of the prepared items. One more area where we are public domain.

Tonight is a toss salad, grilled mango shrimp on a bed of steamed rice. Dessert is from Cheesecake Factory. CF has a half price slice promo yesterday and today to celebrate National Cheesecake Day.

I don't want to complicate my life.

I'm a proud Mrs.

Bambi,

I'm so sorry. Due what is necessary to protect you.

As to your husbands friends I'm certain they have turned down the bed in their guest rooms and placed a mint on the pillow for the son, right? If not they are blowing smoke. Disregard them.

Sorry you day was so bad. You're right. We don't have to leave them behind to move on. I'm tired of that moving on nonsense too. I devoutly disregard that talk.  My grief. My rules.

If the road is clear tomorrow maybe you can get to the cemetery. I'm really sorry it went downhill for you today. He was on your mind all day so you didn't forget him. The rest of the world got in the way.

He's on the nightstand on his side of the bed. It was extremely comforting in the early grief. I still like having his ashes here with me. I have given thought to making some more permanent arrangements.

There is a plot next to my mom that will not be used. I'm listed as having burial privileges on the deed. It's a Catholic cemetery so there would be a lot of rigamarole, I'm sure. The double marker cannot be removed unless my dad ok's it. He's dead so that's a no go. I just don't want my husband's ashes discarded if something happens to me.

I would like our ashes to be combined and our rings dropped in with the ashes. There is no one to do that. I'm more concerned about his ashes than my own.

Yes, we had inside jokes and almost our own language for many situations. It was very difficult to lose that. There are so many losses with the spousal loss. It's a wonder we do progress as well as we do.

I miss him and all the special things that were our very own.

I am with you many million times. Society makes the holidays too complicated and tedious. Decline any and all invites that have no appeal for you. Make a nice day for your kids and forget what the others want/demand.

The kids school events are already too much. Do what you are comfortable with and to the devil with the rest.

Mike, please tell Kate hello from me. Good to hear she is doing well!

If a widow who marries prior to age 60 is unmarried at 60 or later she can claim benefits on her deceased husband's record.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Flannel pj's. It's snowing, windy and cold this evening. Yesterday was a record breaking 73' and sunny. I liked yesterday better.

Best wishes.

You can collect as a surviving a spouse then switch to yours at your retirement age, they are independent of each other. Now, whether to take yours early or at full retirement age is all a numbers game...

This item from Prudential may help. Leveraging survivor and retirement benefits can maximize lifetime benefits especially with DRC's.

http://research.prudential.com/view/page/rp/32262

Social Security Solutions Veterans Day appreciation is the use of their commercial claiming software at no charge for one day. The is a great way to thank our Vets.

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/social-security-solutions-inc-provides-free-social-security-claiming-advice-for-servicemembers-this-veterans-day-300358427.html