biscuit

Thank you all for you advice and support! I feel much calmer about it now. These things are always so hard to deal with, because I know everyone feels like they are honoring the person now gone, but each person has their own take on it what means to honor the deceased But yea, you guys are right, it is my money and I do need to look out for myself now. But I have absolutely no problem if they want to buy one. @Lisa, "if its self care its not selfish" i really like that I will have to keep that in mind @gracelet haha, I probably won't tell them that directly, but that image alone made me laugh @ MissingSquish, that was a very diplomatic way of putting it, i might try that phrasing

When my husband died, we didnt have a lot of money, but fortunately, friends and family were so generous that they started donating to this online collection in my husbands name. The collection specifically stated that all the money would go to me and the funds were for the funeral and to bless his lovely wife. Unfortunately, my inlaws who were planning the funeral (and had no money also) thought this collection was for them to spend as they wanted on the funeral. So when they told me they were going to spend about $15,000 on the funeral because thats how much people had raised, I put my put my foot down, and said it was MY money, which I was going to use for the funeral, but $15,000 was too much, since I had to plan for the future and paying bills with no income. Specifically, I said that I wasn't going to spend $3000 on a graveside bench, that I knew my husband would hate. Well this turned some of the family against me, but I remained steadfast in my decision. Anyways, months later now my mother in law has now mentioned she wants to get the bench. You see I don't care if they get a bench for his grave, but I'm afraid they are expecting me to pay for it again, and while I am more financially stable, it just seems wrong to spend $3000 on something I don't want. The only reason I am considering it is cause my husband would really have spent any $ amount to make his mother happy, and if she wants it then I will consider it. Am I being a money hogging bitch or am I being taken advantage of?

Yes, thank you. It was my first bago and I had a great time. Everyone was so warm and welcoming, and I really could feel the widow love. It was great meeting all of you, I will definitely try to stay more in touch with my wid community.

Yay, I'm excited! Is that weird to be excited about meeting other widows? Life is soo different now... Thanks for the bus info

If you are accepting newbies, I'm in. I am not super active on this board, but in desperate need of some fellow widow company, just moved from the west coast and have to make new widow friends, and never been to a bago before. You said 1.5 hrs from NYC, do you know if there is a bus that runs to allentown....I'm like super new to the city

The day of the wake, as I was sitting outside of the room with my husbands cold body in it. A distant relative said: "Did you have any children?" "No" "Well, you never know, you might have a surprise bun in the oven" I don't know why she thought in this time of shock it would be a great thing to learn that I am suddenly pregnant by my now deceased husband

I'm so glad someone started this thread! I just recently started watching this show again even though my husband actually died in the hospital, but surprisingly it hasn't been as traumatizing as I thought. Then, I was kind of excited to discover that there would be a fellow widow on tv ( I mean it sucks for McDreamy), but I was actually disappointed by the 9 month flyby, because I was so looking forward to it showing people the day to day agonies of grief: not eating, crying non stop, not sleeping, walking around in a fog, memory loss, pain

I really feel some of the things you write @the_master. I too spent a lot of initial time on DS, but it just makes me angry when people are insensitive to the younger crowd and say things like: +25 years just wasn't enough (are u kidding me! what i wouldnt do for 25 years) +the only thing that keeps me going are my children (so what am I supposed to do without any of these children motivators) I know everyone's situation is different, but I really find strength in empathy and need people who get it. Which is pretty hard to find because the widowed community is already such a minority, and then throw in sudden death, short marriage on top it and it seems like you are sooo alone. Anyways, the point is I get it too. And I am also angry at just how unfair this all is.

Thank you so much for sharing these feelings. I feel so wrong for getting angry at other couples and their happiness, I mean its not their fault my life is so crappy. But ugh, when I hear about someone getting pregnant, I just want to punch them in the face. Why do you deserve this more than me? And don't even get me started on how facebook has made this so much worse. I still use facebook for communication with some long-time friends, so I had to tediously go through and unfollow everyone in a relationship because at my age everyone is getting knocked up or married

I'm relatively new to this site, but this post alone cracked me up for 5 minutes. But yea....its definitely weird, would never get one My husband would've found this type of thing hilarious, probably would've gotten me one as a joke

I was never a member of YWBB but i'll introduce myself here. I met my husband when I was 17 and we were instant best friends 2 weeks later. 2 years later we couldn't deny our feelings any longer and began to date. And 3 years after that we were married. We only got to be married 2 years, but life with my husband was so jam-packed with rich experiences that it feels like so much longer. Still, what I wouldn't give for just one more second... My husband died suddenly due to complications with pneumonia January 31,2015. And when I say suddenly, I mean one minute he's in the hospital checked in overnight so he can receive external oxygen and I am about to leave, and 20 minutes later he is dead. All I have to say is no one should have to witness their spouse die, it is got to be the world's top traumatizing experience. I am still pretty fresh in my grief as I write this (~3 months), but it feels like its been 10 years since I last had that life I once had with my husband. My life is so different now I barely recognize myself. This grief process is all so strange and uncontrollable. Honestly, most days I have no desire to live (not suicidal) and then other times I find myself exploring new life adventures. What the heck grief? Regardless, the pain is 24/7